Mom's without Mom's part 5 - Page 14

[KJoslyn78]

I never saw this the first time - we both posted at the same time that night

Originally Posted by LoBleusMama

Hi there, wow I am seeking some healing here...

I have a mother, but she and I do not talk. She has never been close with me my whole life, and for the time I did live with her she was abusive, and her husband was physically abusive. She literally would not tell me that she loved me and I remember trying to kiss her and hug her and she would always turn her head and push me away. I never had a mom to explain sex, love, periods, raising kids or anything. Sometimes it is really hard and I feel like a missed out a lot and it freaks me out that in some way I will neglect my children. I consider my dd such a blessing and an opportunity to have a mother and daughter bond that I never had. The only problem is that she is sooo close to my dh, she hardly even addresses me... Sometimes it breaks my heart, I feel disconnected from her sometimes, it's weird. (I never make her feel weird about it though or bring it up) I don't even have hardly any female friendships. It has been hard trying to heal and overcome the things that hurt so much to become a better mother and woman.

Ugh:: sorry I processed some heavy stuff here, I had to do it!

I could have written this post. My dad won custody of my brothers and I when i was 9... after fighting the courts for 3 years. As a young child, all i remember about my mom was her shuttling us form baby sitter to baby sitter, and that she had many a boyfriends, and would drink, a LOT. She always tried to "re-establish" that close mother-daughter relationship once i hit my teen years, but by then it was too late - i had so much distrust in her and her lies and her addictions, etc - i always kept her at arms length so not to be re-hurt when she would screw things up yet again. By contrast - my father and i were very, very close and it was his death (he died 4 years before she did) that rocked me to my core. I very much feel like i lost her years, decades, before her physical death. I have a LOT of guilt from our relationship and her death. And i do worry about how that has made and effected me as a mother to my own children, i only hope i that i can do better then the example she set for me.

i am so sorry - i hope you are able to find some peace

[marimara]

Originally Posted by anielasmommy09

i wanna join this tribe i lost my mom when i was 15 yo due to suicide. im 22 now and have a 8 week old DD.

Hi there, I'm not active much on this thread but I wanted to tell you I also lost my mom to suicide almost 3 years ago. I started a Suicide Survivors Thread here as well. You might find some solace there too.


ETA: I don't know wtf is going on every time I cut and paste it's messed up. so in the GRIEF and LOSS subforum is a thread titled Suicide Survivors.

try this OK I just checked it and it works, so idk what the heck is going before. I tried it and checked it 3 times and then came back and it was still going to some other link.

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by marimara

Hi there, I'm not active much on this thread but I wanted to tell you I also lost my mom to suicide almost 3 years ago. I started a Suicide Survivors Thread here as well. You might find some solace there too.

thanks marimara but the link seems to lead to some acne promotion...

[marimara]

Originally Posted by anielasmommy09

thanks marimara but the link seems to lead to some acne promotion...

sorry, I don't know how that happened, I fixed the link.

[ee_lime]

Originally Posted by anielasmommy09

thanks marimara but the link seems to lead to some acne promotion...

Same for me

[marimara]

Originally Posted by ee_lime

Same for me

I think its fixed now. Click on Try this in my original post. something is up either with my computer or with MDC. Anyhoo, it's under the grief and loss forum called Suicide Survivors.

[Mommabean]

Here comes Christmas...


*sigh*

[Pookietooth]

everyone; the holidays can be rough. I dreamed about my mom again last night.

[sarahsmiles]

Turning into my mother

Hey everyone. I haven't been keeping up with this tribe, but had a revelation last night I thought y'all could relate to.

My mom was frugal. Penny pinching frugal. I really struggled with this growing up, but I do now respect that she made a little money go very far. I didn't get "nice" clothes, we didn't eat out, I had to reuse paper bags for lunches, etc. I thought I had made my peace with all this until the other day when DD (3) discovered the box of Batman band-aids and wanted to open all the them. At once!

I was really irritated. She wasn't making a mess--she was putting the wrappers in the trash. I realized I just had some instinctual "don't waste the band-aids" response. Like we were "saving" them for something. Now luckily a $2 box of band-aids is not going to break us, and it kept her busy so I could do a few other things, and brought her so much happiness.

I just wish Mom hadn't always been saving *things* for something, and that we had occasionally been able to splurge on a wacky treat, or do something goofy just for fun even if it made a mess. I remember eating stale cookies because they were rationed, and jars of fancy lotion that separated because we weren't allowed to use them on a daily basis.

I guess if she were alive right now I'd probably be criticizing her, and that's not what I mean. I just mean I wish the great memories I have of her weren't clouded by this sadness, that somehow we missed out on the chance to have more fun together and be happier sometimes.

[wendyland]

Thanks for your message, Beth. I used to be frugal with bandaids. Now, I let them have one anytime they want. Your message was a good reminder to me to let go and have fun more.

I also don't remember having much fun with my mom. She'd color with my sometimes. That's about it. I was an only child and she treated me mostly like an adult.

[Organique Gal]

I only read the first few posts in this thread, but will come back when I have more time and "catch up".

I lost my mom to Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma when I was 22, 11 years ago. My parents had been together for 25 years when she died, and dad sort of freaked out. He went hunting for a new wife before she was even buried (I had to witness a close family friend in hysterics when he proposed to her before the funeral. She was helping me clean mom's stuff out of their bedroom... ).

Ironically, in the last couple weeks dad and I just started talking about the hurt that was done to our family by his actions. I have huge feelings of rejection because his excuse for remarrying so quick is he needed help with the kids. I offered dozens of times during mom's sickness and after her death to move back home and provide round the clock care to my 3 younger sisters (they were 11, 13, and 15 at the time) and he refused my offers.

My mom was only 47 when she died, and has never met any of the 8 grandkids. My son is the only grandkid that lives close to grandpa and granny (my stepmom, who is also my best friend) and spends any amount of time with them. I miss mom a lot, but I can also see where life is easier for dad now than when she was alive. He tends to put her on a pedestal and forgets the negative aspects of their marriage. I love my dad dearly, I've idolized him my entire life, and facing old hurts has been difficult.

[KJoslyn78]

Beth, i use to be frugal with bandaids too, esp with teh kids wanting them for every teeny tiny bumps, etc... until i had read about how younger kids (toddlers/preschoolers) precieve being hurt and it really opened my eyes... i never thought about your view on it too

April - I am so very sorry s

[earthgirl]

nevermind.

[mamacatsbaby]

t1h

no time to read or post right now, just subbing again

blessings mommies...

[tashantx]

I'm here now..
I lost my mom on 3/17 today is one of those days where she really would have helped me feel better. I am trying so hard to ''hang in there''. My kids need me and I'm trying to be there for my dad (they were married for 28 years) they had a rocky marriage and I think he has a lot of unspoken regret. That bothers me.....I have a lot of regret also. I wish I was strong enough to type it all out here for the world to see but I'm not. Things are so hard!! I had such a great mom. One day I'll come back and tell it all it's still so fresh, I've tried to journal but it never works. I will say I've learned so much about the world god and myself since she died and she'd be proud of that.

[Pookietooth]

to you tashantx. It is so hard to lose your mom.

[lebrbria]

I'm new to MDC and just happened across this thread.

I lost my mom when 7 years ago when I was 16. She had broken her leg and developed a blood clot. She was in the hospital because the clot went to her lungs and being stubborn and wanting to go home, she got up to use the bathroom on her own. The blood clot moved to her heart and killed her. My mom passed away on 7/31/03 and I hadn't seen her since 2/14/03 because I had moved in with my dad in a different state.

I had a lot of guilt after my mom died- had I just stayed living with her I could have helped her more so she wouldn't have been in such a rush to get out of the hospital. I could have talked to her more- I rarely called her after moving in with my dad. I could have visited her- my grandparents had come out for my brother's graduation (my mom wasn't invited) and they offered to take me back with them so I could see my mom, but I was in too much of a hurry to get braces, which I didn't even end up getting the week I could have been with my mom.

Now that I'm a mother, I miss my mom even more. I know my mom would love being around her grandchildren. And I have so many things I'd love to talk to her about- how I was as a child, get advice from her, etc. Sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to and I know if my mom was still here, she'd be someone there for me. Based on things my dad has said, I favor my mom's parenting style more than his, so I know I could turn to her when I need advice. I have a completely new respect for my mom as well since having my own children. I realize how terrible I was when I was younger and how I don't want my children to treat me like that. I still have a hard time every other month or so when I realize my children will never REALLY know their Nana. I see my mom in my children every day, either in personality or looks, and I would love nothing more than to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about it.

I just really miss my mom...

[wendyland]

lebrbria - I think we all have regrets about what we could have done better. I wasn't very close to my mom, but my world was better with her in it. I try not to think about what I could have done more with my relationship with my mom. I think about how it can help me have a better relationship with my children.

I really miss telling my mom what is going on with the girls. I hope that somehow she knows. I started a journal to write down those things to my mom, although I haven't written in it much.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Make your other relationships better because of what has happened. Actually, I think that advice is really something that I need to take more seriously. Thanks for posting. It has helped me think through some things.

[mom2tatum]

Please read, I really want to hear from you all.

I really want to hear this group's thoughts...please please comment on my blog.

"Ponderings...post 30th birthday"

http://ourdaleylifemehimandthekids.b...-birthday.html

[granolamom]

I lost my mom 18 months ago..It hasnt gotten easier...it is now just part of who I am...I miss her daily...wish I could hear her voice...even though there were times ( many of them) when we did not get along, I always knew she was in my corner...someone once said to me, "No one will ever love you like your mama does"....so very true..Blessings