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Mom's without Mom's part 5 - Page 3

post #41 of 298
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by papschmitty View Post
When my mom was diagnosed, I bought her a T-shirt that was plain white with black letter that just said F**K CANCER (censored to comply with MDC UA). It's a short statement but seems rather fitting.
I love it.
post #42 of 298
Me, too. I'd wear it.
post #43 of 298
When my mom was first diagnosed, she would say that during radiation treatments she imagined her cancer cells as weak and stupid. She imagined them to wear thick glasses, have buck teeth, and looking nerdy. A family friend joked that in sounded like Kipp from the movie Napoleon Dynamite. (If you haven't seen the movie yet, this probably won't make much sense to you. The movie is hilarious so if you haven't seen it, you should!) After that, we referred to her cancer as Kipp. I actually posted about it on my blog, you can read it here if you'd like. When she was admitted to the hospital for what turned out to be the final time, her sister brought some Rex Kwon Doe pants that she tracked down on Ebay. If you don't remember the movie, he wore these 80s pants that were like the American flag. We hung the pants up on the armoire by her bed as an inspiration for her to kick Kipp's butt. She got quite a laugh from it. (Humor is a very important aspect to our family if you can't tell already.) When she died, we had her creamated in those pants. We would have had her in the F**K CANCER T-shirt too but it wasn't at the hospital when she died. I might just have to wear it in her honor. Good thing my DD can't read yet!
post #44 of 298
Thread Starter 
that is so funny.

My mom went basically unconscious about 2 days before she died. We would all be in her room joking and laughing, and she would smile right along with us.
post #45 of 298
sorry i havent been here much to all of you

My 30th Birthday was on Sunday - and it was - without a doubt - my worst birthday ever. The first one since my mom died... and with my dad already having been dead since 2003 - i felt really really alone. My 1 brother is no where to be found, and the other was working and had a dead cell phone - so no one called me. My step-MIL was just rude to me, and i just feel (still) horrible about how she acted that whole day to me, esp considering how well DH was treated the sunday before for HIS 30th birthday. We live with her, so this only compounds my anger for her. Basically i spent my birthday alone, loney and ignored (even though everyone was here). DH was the only one who attempted to make the day better for me (which is odd - usually he's the one to make me feel worse).
post #46 of 298
Oh dear! That sucks, mama. I'm sorry.
post #47 of 298
Thread Starter 
hugs
post #48 of 298
Hugs.


I would like to join this thread. I lost my mom in 2004 after a 6 week battle with pancreatic cancer. I was 26. I had two younger brothers in their late teens, early 20's.


It hit us especially hard because we lost my father to colon cancer 8 years earlier. We felt like orphans.


My parents never got to meet their grandson. Some days it breaks my heart. Other days I look at his smiling face, and we lean into each other and rest our foreheads together and as the energy passes between us, I know she's here, loving her grandson and watching over me as I make decisions as a parent that I always thought I would be able to confer with her about.

I miss her desperately. But the part that bothers me the most about this is that my son will never know either of his grandparents on my side. Yes, he's got grandparents on DH's side that love him, but DH and I live several states away from those grandparents for a reason.
post #49 of 298
notwonamesalike~ Welcome to our tribe. I lost my mom to breast cancer after a six week battle. I was 25. While it was an eternity to watch her die, I guess we were blessed that she went so relately quickly.

I was fortunate enough to have her at my first birth , but I am sad that she will never know my other dc.

There is another mom here who has lost both parents as well. I can't even imagine.

Anyway, thanks for joining us.

Paige
post #50 of 298
Thread Starter 
Welcome notwonamesalike to our sad little tribe.

I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer this past July. She hung on much longer then the doctors said, so she could see her granddaughter. It still makes me very sad that my baby girl will never know her grandma. My boys still talk about my mom in the present tense. I wonder when that will change.
post #51 of 298

Mom-less about to be mom, too...

Hi,

Reading this thread brought me so much pain... I feel the "aloneness" you all feel.

I am about to become a mother for the first time, at age 45... to twin sons. They will never know their grandmother, my mom. I am an orphan... my mom died of melanocytoma (a rare form of malignant melanoma that drops down thru the skin and into the central nervous system, or brain in her case). She died horiffically, in my arms, after lapsing into a 5 day coma.

My mom was not the perfect mom but she left me alone and terrified for my sister, who is mentally retarded and physically handicapped. She left my sister defenseless and penniless. It was terrible. Her death rocked my world completely, 3 years ago. We packed up and moved to New England, to help my sister become independent for the first time in her life (sis is doing so-so).

Upon my mother's death, the family unit as I knew it basically imploded over a short period of time and I find myself totally alone... with just my sister, who I love but who, being retarded, is a perpetual teenager and "all about her". It is hard, and it is painful.

I feel a lot of anger at my mother for dropping the ball and not being a proper mother... she had told us years before that she had a handicapped trust for my sis and a life insurance policy, etc. She lied. So I am really bitter about that, as my sister is at the mercy of me and the State, basically. That is not right and that is NOT how I will move forward in planning my children's futures.

I have this feeling based on reading MDC that parenting will truly challenge me in bringing up both positive AND the negative memories of the way I was parented. I kind of dread the negative side, because I was a child of the 70s and my mom, being a single mom and all, parenting twins and a handicapped child, was basically a "non-parent" and let us run wild and parent ourselves, basically. I will fight tooth and nail to be the best mom I can be and overcome that negativity.
post #52 of 298
Thread Starter 
Welcome apurrfectplace,

Congratulations about becoming a mom for the first time what a very exciting time for you. Your boys will be very lucky. You know what kind of mom you want to be. You can learn from the mistakes your mom made. I can understand about your sister. I know how hard that must be on you to have that as your only extended family. Babies have a way of bringing out the best in people. I bet she will delight in her role as Aunty.
I have a sister who fried her brain. I was so angry with her for years and years. Then one day I realized my anger serves no purpose. I was treating strangers better then her. I now just go along with the flow and do not take anything she does as personal. Any positive, is a bonus. Since my mom passed away, we have seen a lot of changes in her and she actually has become less selfish.
post #53 of 298
Thread Starter 
papschmitty how are you doing? I have been thinking about you.
post #54 of 298
Awww, thanks for remembering! It's been a rough week.

We had another counseling session with my dad last Friday. My sister said he left work in tears Thursday afternoon and then he called me to say we could cancel the appointment because they had broken things off. He was devastated of course so I went to his house after getting DD to bed and talked him into going to counseling the next day. By the time we had our appointment, he was all happy again - they had gotten back together yet again. I swear it's like being in junior high. I was much more angry in this session. I basically told him that she was like a cat playing with a half dead mouse and that she was going to keep doing this over and over again until one day she slaps him with the reality that she's done with him as her boy toy. He basically said that he didn't care, they were in love, and we didn't know all the good things about her. My poor dad is such a mess. Our sessions have changed from trying to help my dad to helping my sister and I set boundaries for what we will and will not tolerate regarding his relationship. Now he's been totally depressed again. This time it's lasted for 3 days so far. I'm hoping it means she called things off for good. I hate seeing my dad so heartbroken but it's what's best for everyone. We have our next session in a couple weeks so hopefully we'll know more then.

As far as my melanoma goes...I had the surgery to remove more tissue yesterday. I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal so I went by myself on an extended lunch break. The MD was shocked that I was alone and horrified when I told her I was planning to go back to work. Her exact words were, "You do realize I'm cutting a chunk of flesh out of your leg, right?" I told her not to worry, that I was tough. I have about 2 inches worth of stitches going diagonally across my calf. She stitched it up with a technique that leaves a "prettier" scar but itsn't quite as strong. I have to very careful not to tear it open over the next two weeks. It hurts but not as bad as she made it sound. I just have to be very careful to keep it elevated and try to stay off my feet. When I walk, I have to do so pretty gingerly or else it kind of pulls on the stitches. I'm working but luckily I spend most of the day sitting. The other nurse I work with has been nice enough to see most of the patients so I can just sit. I'll hear back in 10 days as to whether or not they got it all. I asked to see the chunk of flesh that they cut out. It was so weird to see a chunk of me just sitting in a jar. It looked so innocent, I can't believe it contained something that could have been fatal. I wish my mom could have been so lucky. As long the surgery truly did remove everything, I go back in two weeks to have the stitches taken out and then have to every 3 months to be photographed from head to toe.
post #55 of 298
Wow.
post #56 of 298
Thread Starter 
Oh man. I would be half mind to go do some talking to that woman or her husband.

I am glad they got the cancer. I pray they got it all.

I got some weird news yesterday. It is funny how that my mom has died i make sure everyone is going to the dr. nothing festers. Anyway I did a sleep lab a couple of weeks ago and I am having alpha intrusions. I wake up 44 times an hour. No wonder I am always feel tired.
post #57 of 298
So what do they do for that, Heidi??? That's crazy!! for some good !!
post #58 of 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by mum4boys View Post
Oh man. I would be half mind to go do some talking to that woman or her husband.

I am glad they got the cancer. I pray they got it all.

I got some weird news yesterday. It is funny how that my mom has died i make sure everyone is going to the dr. nothing festers. Anyway I did a sleep lab a couple of weeks ago and I am having alpha intrusions. I wake up 44 times an hour. No wonder I am always feel tired.
Wow, that's weird. What are they planning to do for you? Do you suffer from fibromyalgia?

Believe me, I'm so tempted to contact her. My sister and I actually serious entertained the idea. She has broken up with my dad 4 times in their 6 month relationship. He's beyond devastated every time. Every time she changes her mind within 24 hours. She's been stringing him along saying she's going to leave her husband but obviously that hasn't happened. We were so tempted to tell her to please do my dad a favor and stop torturing him like this. He hasn't even had a chance to heal after losing my mom and now he keeps losing her over and over and over again. In the end, we decided against it. Obviously, she doesn't care about what we think. If she did, she would not have hopped into bed with our grieving father two months after my mom passed away. I don't want to tell her husband because I'd love for nothing more than her to go back to her intact family for the sake of her little boy and leave my dad alone (FOR GOOD) so he can move on with his life and find a REAL new life partner. I hope for her sake we don't run into each other on the street. I don't think I'll be able to bite my tongue.
post #59 of 298
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by papschmitty View Post
Wow, that's weird. What are they planning to do for you? Do you suffer from fibromyalgia?

Believe me, I'm so tempted to contact her. My sister and I actually serious entertained the idea. She has broken up with my dad 4 times in their 6 month relationship. He's beyond devastated every time. Every time she changes her mind within 24 hours. She's been stringing him along saying she's going to leave her husband but obviously that hasn't happened. We were so tempted to tell her to please do my dad a favor and stop torturing him like this. He hasn't even had a chance to heal after losing my mom and now he keeps losing her over and over and over again. In the end, we decided against it. Obviously, she doesn't care about what we think. If she did, she would not have hopped into bed with our grieving father two months after my mom passed away. I don't want to tell her husband because I'd love for nothing more than her to go back to her intact family for the sake of her little boy and leave my dad alone (FOR GOOD) so he can move on with his life and find a REAL new life partner. I hope for her sake we don't run into each other on the street. I don't think I'll be able to bite my tongue.

I was actually diagnosed with fibro after I was electrocuted about 6 years ago. I had a lot of issues from it. It took about 6 months to figure out what it was. They thought at first I had lupus. Anyway after they recalled viox I have not taken anything for my fibro. I have flare ups occassionally.But really it is not that bad. I think my arthritis medicaiton helps some. Heck I remembered to tell the dr. at the sleep lab about the electrocution but not the fibro. Anyway it was not until last night when I looked up the alpha intrusions that I saw that it was linked to fibro. So I have had this medication to take. So far not going good. The dr. says I need a weekend or two or three days where I can sleep as long as I want to get adjusted to the medication. Off hand I cannot remember the name. I took ambien and the other one when I was first diagnosed. Those were awful. I mean awful. The dr. I see says he does not prescribe them because they do not put you in a natural sleep. Oh I work 7 days a week and I work usually at 2 am. So not sure how I am going to do this.
post #60 of 298
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how is everyone?
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