copied and pasted...
<sigh>Well, I think I belong here, now. My mom died Friday evening. She had been waiting for a liver transplant but had been too weak to get on the transplant list (the surgery would have killed her) and went into total kidney failure, so the Friday before my dad made the decision (in total accordance with mom's previously stated wishes and supported by all of us) to take no heroic measures as there was no hope of recovery. So all the tubes were removed from her and she was kept comfortable. She was in a coma by that point. Friday evening, my dad and sister (who were sitting with her) went to dinner and 5 mins later the hospital called and said she was gone. The funny thing is I had gone grocery shopping to Meijers with DH (we had been by the phone on the death wait for a week and couldn't wait any longer) and while I was shopping I got an ear worm (you know, a song that wont get out of your head?) and I kept singing the chorus to "I'll fly away" under my breath over and over again. (For those that don't know the hymn it goes "I'll fly away oh, glory, I'll fly away, When I die, Hallelujia by and by, Oh I'll fly away. After my DH was giving me a dirty look, I said I couldn't stop, I just couldn't get the song out of my head. then I said, "I wonder if it has anything to do with my mom." then as I was checking out I said that I though it was because we had sung it at a funeral a few weeks ago. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, I called my sister to check in and I asked her if mom was still "snoring comfortably" (Our little joke from that week, I never knew people snored while in a coma...) and she said, not exactly... and told me the hospital called after they left. (At the time, they were ordering dinner and had decided that they would call people after dinner, but would tell people if they called.) Any how, she told me that mom had died at 7:30pm which was 8:30 our time and (I'm sure you guessed it) right when that song got in my head and would not let go. I'm so glad DH was there to witness it, so I knew I wasn't crazy. I'm quite certain, that was mom's way of saying goodbye. I feel okay that I wasn't there since my mom had come to see Matthew right as she was starting this last downward slide. She was pretty sick, but I'm so glad she could see and hold him, since she had been so sick, she hadn't even seen me pregnant nor got to participate in his pregnancy like she usually did with my other kids. And the whole time she was here we did nothing but talk, which was wonderful, since she has been so sick and weak that it has been little more than a "hello" and then "here, talk to your dad" for the last year and a half.
Even though I've had my crying moments, I still don't think it has quite hit me. I feel really bad for my dad, perhaps because I know some of his pain from my experience with DH this summer. Basically for those who don't know, June 15, Scott was lifeflighted from our community hospital to the big regional hospital ICU. He went from talking to me to crashing in about an hour. He crashed (heart raced really fast and they had to shock his heart) at our local hospital, they intubated him and lifeflighted him, where they worked on him the entire 12 minute flight to keep him alive (including shocking his heart again)until he got to the ICU at the regional hospital and then later that night when I was in with him he crashed again (His BP dropped out the bottom that time). He ended up having necrotizing fascitis (the flesh eating bacteria) from an infected hair follicle on his inner thigh (a boil) and they removed a 6" x 6" x 10" chunk from his leg, he had toxic shock syndrome (which is staph in your bloodstream) and was in septic shock that caused all of his organ systems to shut down. (lungs, heart, digestive, liver and kidneys) He gained about 25# of fluid from the sepsis and had to get dialysis. He was unconscious and intubated in the ICU and was not expected to make it. They told me that if he made it he would be critical in the ICU for 3-6 months. He was not expected to be awake for our baby's birth. He is my walking miracle; was extubated and left the ICU after 3 weeks and went home in 4 weeks. (A week after leaving the ICU!) They also had told me that he would have to go to a rehab hospital for a few weeks before he went home. He never did. He came home with a walker and very weak and on dialysis 3x a week on July 10. The last concern for permanent damage was whether or not his kidneys would come back or if he would permanently be on dialysis and need a kidney transplant. Amazingly a week after we came home he was off of dialysis. A week after that his bloodwork was good enough to have his dialysis port removed. He was on a wound vac, but that ended on his birthday August 27 and his wound is now completely healed into a neat little seam. September 7th the visiting nurse came to discharge him from home health care along with the home OT and PT. Now he will be going to outpatient OT and PT so he can regain his strength to return to work. DH works transportation for a state prison so need to be able to run across the prison in case of a riot, wrestle prisoners to the ground and shoot a handgun and shotgun. He doesn't do those things very often, but needs to be able to, KWIM? I am sooo happy, that not only is he alive, but he is doing great recovering and my greatest hope when he was sickest was that perhaps he might be well enough to be wheeled down to the birth in a wheelchair to just witness our baby's birth and now he is well enough to drive me to the hospital and be an active participant. Woohoo! His only ongoing issue right now other than getting stronger is that he now appears to have a post-infection type of arthritis that should last a few months, and he has painful joints that makes his rehab to get stronger more difficult, but with all we have been through, we'll make it through this bump in the road. A side benefit, although I would recommend Weight Watchers instead of becoming critically ill, is he lost 50 pounds from when he got sick. (He was overweight) He is doing great and I am so thankful for all the prayers and good thoughts while we were going through the worst of it. It sustained me through some of the darkest hours when I thought I would lose my beloved husband and I am absolutely certain, that the prayers and good thoughts are why he is alive and recovering so well. There are too many things that happened the one and only way they could for him to survive and that happened many times over.
Well this is already way too long, but I just wanted to introduce myself, since I suspect I'll need the support as losing my mom really sinks in. We're having her memorial services the beginning of March. My mom was only 60. <sigh>
<sigh>Well, I think I belong here, now. My mom died Friday evening. She had been waiting for a liver transplant but had been too weak to get on the transplant list (the surgery would have killed her) and went into total kidney failure, so the Friday before my dad made the decision (in total accordance with mom's previously stated wishes and supported by all of us) to take no heroic measures as there was no hope of recovery. So all the tubes were removed from her and she was kept comfortable. She was in a coma by that point. Friday evening, my dad and sister (who were sitting with her) went to dinner and 5 mins later the hospital called and said she was gone. The funny thing is I had gone grocery shopping to Meijers with DH (we had been by the phone on the death wait for a week and couldn't wait any longer) and while I was shopping I got an ear worm (you know, a song that wont get out of your head?) and I kept singing the chorus to "I'll fly away" under my breath over and over again. (For those that don't know the hymn it goes "I'll fly away oh, glory, I'll fly away, When I die, Hallelujia by and by, Oh I'll fly away. After my DH was giving me a dirty look, I said I couldn't stop, I just couldn't get the song out of my head. then I said, "I wonder if it has anything to do with my mom." then as I was checking out I said that I though it was because we had sung it at a funeral a few weeks ago. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, I called my sister to check in and I asked her if mom was still "snoring comfortably" (Our little joke from that week, I never knew people snored while in a coma...) and she said, not exactly... and told me the hospital called after they left. (At the time, they were ordering dinner and had decided that they would call people after dinner, but would tell people if they called.) Any how, she told me that mom had died at 7:30pm which was 8:30 our time and (I'm sure you guessed it) right when that song got in my head and would not let go. I'm so glad DH was there to witness it, so I knew I wasn't crazy. I'm quite certain, that was mom's way of saying goodbye. I feel okay that I wasn't there since my mom had come to see Matthew right as she was starting this last downward slide. She was pretty sick, but I'm so glad she could see and hold him, since she had been so sick, she hadn't even seen me pregnant nor got to participate in his pregnancy like she usually did with my other kids. And the whole time she was here we did nothing but talk, which was wonderful, since she has been so sick and weak that it has been little more than a "hello" and then "here, talk to your dad" for the last year and a half.
Even though I've had my crying moments, I still don't think it has quite hit me. I feel really bad for my dad, perhaps because I know some of his pain from my experience with DH this summer. Basically for those who don't know, June 15, Scott was lifeflighted from our community hospital to the big regional hospital ICU. He went from talking to me to crashing in about an hour. He crashed (heart raced really fast and they had to shock his heart) at our local hospital, they intubated him and lifeflighted him, where they worked on him the entire 12 minute flight to keep him alive (including shocking his heart again)until he got to the ICU at the regional hospital and then later that night when I was in with him he crashed again (His BP dropped out the bottom that time). He ended up having necrotizing fascitis (the flesh eating bacteria) from an infected hair follicle on his inner thigh (a boil) and they removed a 6" x 6" x 10" chunk from his leg, he had toxic shock syndrome (which is staph in your bloodstream) and was in septic shock that caused all of his organ systems to shut down. (lungs, heart, digestive, liver and kidneys) He gained about 25# of fluid from the sepsis and had to get dialysis. He was unconscious and intubated in the ICU and was not expected to make it. They told me that if he made it he would be critical in the ICU for 3-6 months. He was not expected to be awake for our baby's birth. He is my walking miracle; was extubated and left the ICU after 3 weeks and went home in 4 weeks. (A week after leaving the ICU!) They also had told me that he would have to go to a rehab hospital for a few weeks before he went home. He never did. He came home with a walker and very weak and on dialysis 3x a week on July 10. The last concern for permanent damage was whether or not his kidneys would come back or if he would permanently be on dialysis and need a kidney transplant. Amazingly a week after we came home he was off of dialysis. A week after that his bloodwork was good enough to have his dialysis port removed. He was on a wound vac, but that ended on his birthday August 27 and his wound is now completely healed into a neat little seam. September 7th the visiting nurse came to discharge him from home health care along with the home OT and PT. Now he will be going to outpatient OT and PT so he can regain his strength to return to work. DH works transportation for a state prison so need to be able to run across the prison in case of a riot, wrestle prisoners to the ground and shoot a handgun and shotgun. He doesn't do those things very often, but needs to be able to, KWIM? I am sooo happy, that not only is he alive, but he is doing great recovering and my greatest hope when he was sickest was that perhaps he might be well enough to be wheeled down to the birth in a wheelchair to just witness our baby's birth and now he is well enough to drive me to the hospital and be an active participant. Woohoo! His only ongoing issue right now other than getting stronger is that he now appears to have a post-infection type of arthritis that should last a few months, and he has painful joints that makes his rehab to get stronger more difficult, but with all we have been through, we'll make it through this bump in the road. A side benefit, although I would recommend Weight Watchers instead of becoming critically ill, is he lost 50 pounds from when he got sick. (He was overweight) He is doing great and I am so thankful for all the prayers and good thoughts while we were going through the worst of it. It sustained me through some of the darkest hours when I thought I would lose my beloved husband and I am absolutely certain, that the prayers and good thoughts are why he is alive and recovering so well. There are too many things that happened the one and only way they could for him to survive and that happened many times over.
Well this is already way too long, but I just wanted to introduce myself, since I suspect I'll need the support as losing my mom really sinks in. We're having her memorial services the beginning of March. My mom was only 60. <sigh>
How ya doing??
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I stopped by his office on my way home (DD's daycare is next door) and he kept giving me that silly "I know something special" grin. I don't think I'm going to be able to keep this pregnancy a secret very long. I'm just still is such shock! If my mom were here, she'd already be out shopping for stuff for me and the baby. She loved getting stuff for her grandkids!
to all of you that are also struggling.
hard. I felt so cheated. And angry. And everything the rest of you feel or felt. And I have had some Mother's Days that were just plain awful. One in particular that I remember I had just had a miscarriage, the anniversary of my mom's death had just happened, I was sad and hormonal and confused, my husband and kids (2 at the time) did NOTHING for me. And I was VERY angry. I was really tired of it all and had little hope of ever being happy again.
