Originally Posted by mowilli3
My MIL says "You raise chickens and rear a child."
Where I live, a lot of environments for children are of poor quality from daycare centers through high school. I wouldn't be offended if someone said that they split shifts or stayed home or homeschooled to avoid all of the mess, because most people would do something to avoid the situations if they could. It's just super-expensive to do something different.
I want to raise a question regarding rearing: Do you think that childcare providers have much influence on your child's development (moral, physical, emotional) and how do you ensure that your influence is greater?
I think that they can have a huge influence on my kids just by the way my 34 MO has picked up some phrases in the past 2 months that she's been in a CDC. Some things she has said have gone against my beliefs like she now uses the word "booger" in a harsh way, and I think it sounds crass. She asked me to polish her fingernails like her teacher's. I think these things are small, but I don't think they are appropriate, so I spend a lot of time talking to her about what I think is appropriate. In a way, I feel empowered by the challenges because it gives me an opportunity to start imparting my values on her.
I don't consider it a gatekeeping issue - the process of a child's moral, physical, and emotional development. That is, I don't see my job being to ensure that my influence is paramount. No one died and made me Queen
I do believe it is my job to protect my child from influences that would harm
him. I totally believe it is my job to surround him with all kinds of experiences and influences that are positive ones. To introduce him to the best in life that I can provide, and explain how I make those decisions. When he brings home ideas that I'm not fond of, I surely will challenge them in a variety of ways.
But I don't consider it my job to keep him away from people, ideas, or stuff that will impact on him. (I'm not talking about disturbing movies at the age of 4 or something; I just mean ideas that are different from ours, even in fundamental ways). Mostly because I don't believe it works, and I also don't believe I am necessarily the ultimate authority on good and evil.
I am his mother and he will learn a lot from me in so many ways - daily life, how he is loved, what we choose to bring into our home, and looking to me as a model either to follow or to break away from. Obviously, especially up until he is older, I have a huge job to do there.
But in the end I cannot possibly keep him away from everyone that thinks differently. I can't even anticipate what the world will be like when he is 40 or 50. Just think, when I was growing up cell phones were science fiction. There was no Internet. Canned corn was a vegetable.
Ultimately my child will live in the world. I hope, in fact, that he will join it joyfully - nail polish, junk food, and all. Of course I hope he will make good choices for himself, his body, and the planet. But I just don't see that there is only one way to do that - certainly the ways in which I have found happiness and moral centre have often been ways that my parents never contemplated.