Did you have the birth experience you wanted/planned on?

[othersomethings]

I think that with the exception of 3 or 4 mamas (we're rooting for you!!!), most of us have had our births by now. Was the birth you experienced anything like what you'd hoped for/planned for? If not, have you found peace and acceptance with what happened?

I voted "no - unsure about how I feel."

I didn't have the birth I planned on - I wound up in a hospital with all the drugs and things that I'd worked hard not to have throughout my pregnancy. I feel some peace, but I know there are some things I still haven't processed and worked through.

[Fishie Kisses]

I voted No-but close enough:

Ideally I would have loved a home birth, but DH was against it from day one, so on to the birth we actually planned. I wanted to do it naturally in the hospital, and I did. The ONLY thing that I would like to change is that I wish I would have gone into labor naturally instead of being induced. But, since I still had a fast and easy delivery, I really can't complain.

[akwifeandmomma]

No - it went drastically different and I felt at peace with it from the first moment

But my real answer is: No - It went drastically different and was 1000x better than anything I could have planned or hoped for. The only things I would have done differently are not calling the paramedics at all and having DH help catch.

[mama_y_sol]

No- it went drastically different and i felt at peace with it from the first moment.

It was very very long, which was not something I had expected. I should have considered that it might be a very long labor, considering it was long with dd, but somehow I didn't. And I was rocked to my core by the end of Nico's birth. I ended up taking a narcotic to let me sleep, and it was honestly the best thing I could have done. After 50 hours straight of labor, I was so exhausted,physically and mentally. After I took the narcotic and slept for 2 hours, I was eager to labor and birth my baby. Nico was born 3 hours after I rested, it was totally what I needed and I quickly made peace with that. Who knows what would have happened if I did not rest. I avoided all other interventions (pit, epidural, episiotomy, c/s) so I am really happy. Yeah, I am totally for drug-free births, they are what I believe in with all of my heart...and yet, taking the narcotic made such a difference in this birth, I think without it I would have...well, I don't know but I dont think it would have been a good outcome.

I hemmorhaged (again) which my mw believes was from such a long labor. I had an awesome mw, so I felt totally at peace. Nico also had passed meconium, and the ped was worried he might have aspirated some, as he had a tough time breathing. But no, he didn't, and his breathing became normal a few hours later (he was grunting a bit), but he was never taken away from me for a second.

I had an awesome doula who helped me be at peace the entire time. She has really helped me accept what happened. We have gone over the birth a little, but are meeting soon to really go over the birth. I realize that yes, I had a lot of expectations going into this birth, and birth took over, it was so much greater than me. I have gone over the birth thousands of times in my head, and each time I feel good about what happened, I have had to drop those expectations and not criticize myself, and just accept what happened, I want to accept it and be at peace with it, it is the story of my son's birth, which I HAVE to be at peace with. And I am. My doula really helped me accept myself, my birthing ways, and how my son entered the world while it was happening.

[AngelaB]

I voted picture perfect!!
I had him at home with just dp and I. I wouldnt have wanted it any other way. I got really lucky!!
My other births always had something missing. It went from c-section to hospital natural unmedicated birth to birth center birth to UC homebirth!
Angela

[eloise24]

I voted perfect! It really was, I wouldn't change a thing. I haven't posted my story yet, but I was able to labor at home for 8 hours, totally manageable. Once I got to the birth center (free standing), I was able to labor in peace and quiet like I wanted. I spent the rest of the time in the water (what I wanted) and everyone left me alone. I spent the whole time in my zone (eyes closed and quiet) and sometimes chatting inbetween contractions. I was able to push and deliver Shannon in the water, again what I wanted!

I had prepared myself for anything- I knew what I wanted but I also knew it doesn't always go that way. I'm SO thankful that it happened perfectly, anyway!

[Surfacing]

No - it went different but I felt at peace with it.


I didn't know what to expect from this birth, but it went so quickly (from first painful contraction to birth in 3 hrs) and I had such awesome support from my midwives, doulas, husband and mother that it made it a truly awesome, wonderful birth. I felt like I was on a high after for awhile! I was grateful to the universe for giving me this kind of birth this time. I needed it!

My first birth was so unexpected and traumatic. It was extremely painful and overwhelming. I read and prepared all this stuff to have a lovely natural birth but did not anticipate how intense and painful it would be given the interventions that were necessary due to dd's drop in bp and the fargin' episiotomy and third degree tear that happened when the nervous OB ripped dd out of my body. This birth with dd#2 was a blessing.

Othersomethings - it might help to talk talk talk about your birth in order to process it. I agree with mama_y_sol that coming to grasp the fact that the birth is bigger than you, it has it's own power/story/agenda helps to keep it in perspective that if things didn't go as you planned or hoped it's not due to some failing on your part, yk? Sending healing vibes your way.

[carmelnap]

I voted for No- it went diiferent from what i wanted but I was at peace with the decisios i made.

I never made any specific plans for this birth because I knew you couldn't really control how a birth could go. Anything could happen. So when I ended up having a c-section I was okay with it because I did everything possible to have a vaginal natural birth. My body just wasn't having any of that.

[kehliouise]

i voted no-but close enough. it was not the birth that i had planned for in that i really really wanted a water birth. it was definately not the birth that i expected, but it was actually much much better than i expected, so i'm not complaining there. it was pretty much perfect, but not what i had anticipated. i am still a little bummed about not having a water birth though. i know that doesn't really make a difference in the long run. i just thought it would be great for Koi to be born in the water. (you know like a fish.) but that is sort of silly.

[SeaDoula]

very much disappointed...

I actually posted that I was worried my water was broken and that I was paranoid I wouldn't go into labor on my own...because I hear that happen so often.

Sure enough...that, and possible meconium led me from a birth center experience to the hospital. Induction by pitocin...not so bad initially...then everything seemed to go from bad to the ultimate unwanted experience. Epidural at 8cm because Lyra's head was ROT and I wanted to push SO badly from 7/8 centimeters onward...was swelling. Swelling went down but I stayed at 8 for SOOO long. Got to 9, epi started waring off...was excited...then I just started to feel pushy again, swelled again at 9... CNM started talking about cesarean... I was getting a fever (infection because bag of waters was broken 72hrs+) I noticed that after days of looking great, Lyra's HR was going up

I ended up with a cesarean...and although I feel very empowered that I labored so well for so long, I feel so incomplete from having not pushed her out of my body.

It was heartbreaking to come home to my frozen lavender pads and not have a hurting bottom.

very very mixed feelings about the experience. working through it...

[Fyrestorm]

I chose - No - it went drastically different, and I feel unsettled by it but it's more like...It was exactly opposite what I wanted, It was the WORST nightmare of my entire life and I am still in therapy for it. It's been 4 years the lawsuits are settled and I still wake up screaming at night.

[To-Fu]

I also voted "no, but close enough." I am thrilled overall with my birth experience. The only thing I'd change is not having this huge tear, but that's no one's fault.

It affected our breastfeeding relationship a bit (couldn't sit up to see what I was doing to get a good latch in those first days... which caused cracks and scabs, whee!), which is the main concern.

I also happened to put a mirror down there today and had a look. There's a peculiar lip of skin sticking out... it's almost as though I have an additional labia attached to my perineum. I hope it goes away, b/c it's awfully sensitive and unsightly.

Otherwise, my birth was awesome and I wouldn't change a thing.

[bobandjess99]

No - it went drastically different, and I feel unsettled by it

At this point, I am just done. I am no longer a natural birth advocate. ALthough I still understand all the reasons why hospital birth is not usually a good choice, and all the risks of medications, interventions, etc, I also no longer understand why in the heck anyone would want to go through that without serious pain meds. I had hoped and hoped and hoped to have a "healing birth" this time, to finally have that wonderful empowering experience that I didn't get with dd, and justr really expected that ths time, it would be quicker and easier...second births usually are, right? But no...I got more pain..more horrible, indescribable agony.
That's it.
I'm done. I gave it the college try. I had 2 UC's. I did everything RIGHT, damn it, so why were my births hell?
4.5 years ago I came into parenting a happy, excited woman, full of gleeful anticipation of her wonderful birthing experiences...Two natural births later, I'm DONE.

I'll take the drugs, thank you, lots and lots of drugs. (Not that I'm ever doing this again...)

[StrawHatBrat]

Yes. yes. yes!!!

It was crazy longer than i anticipated, but could not have been better.

[othersomethings]

thank you for sharing, and voting.

I'm glad that it looks like the majority of us had experiences that we could be satisfied with.

I figured...out of the several dozens of births in this DDC, we have a great sampling of experiences and I was curious how the numbers stacked up. We can have so many expectations surrounding pregnancy, birth and motherhood. And reality sometimes doesn't look anything like we thought it would. And then again...sometimes it does.

[amandamac]

Hello,

I voted No - it went drastically different, and I worked hard to accept it and feel peace about it

As you may know, I had an emergency c-section after 3 days of labor. I feel at peace with my circumstances, because Riley communicated to me during the end of our labor that something was not right, and it was time to go. It took me a little time to wrap my head around it, but as soon as we confirmed she was a frank breech, it took me 2 seconds to tell my husband to put his shoes on, we're going to the ER. Anyway, I am glad a wrote a birth plan. The staff at the hospital did their absolute best to honor our wishes. The nurse who initially checked me, said, "she is a firm believer in homebirths, and 98% of births do not require medical care...this made me feel better, but at the same time, all I could think was, why am I in the 2%??? I am at peace with it now :-)

However, Riley spent her first 10 days of life in the NICU, I am still dealing with guilty feelings, and have tried to figure out if there is something I could have done differently to prevent all that has happened to her after birth. I have spoken to nurses, pediatricians and recounted all the details of my labor, no one feels anything we did caused her "staff" UTI. Her only health issues were the UTI, and the fact that our blood is incompatible, which caused her to become jaundiced. She had to stay in the NICU for the complete round of antibiotics. She had to go through so many procedures, I really don't want to think about it. When I see the bruises on her hands from the multitude of IV sticks, it makes me sick to my stomach. It will take some time for me to get over my guilt, but for now I am sooo glad to have her at home now. We had our first night together, it was a little rough, but we are in a little groove now, yay!

~Amanda&Riley

[ollineeba]

No - it went drastically different, and I'm unsure about how I feel


Our birth was not at all what we planned, but it was what we needed. I felt caught offguard and unprepared for what we went through, especially our NICU stay, but I'm working through it and just happy to finally be home with our little one.
(Amanda- I hear you about those little bruises.. I just cry when I think about what our dd went through in the NICU )

[amandamac]

wrong post

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by amandamac

Hello, Othersomethings :-)

I give her some more booby. Finally, once she is asleep and had been elevated, I put her in a bouncy seat to keep her up right. She has been sleeping well, and I am keeping my fingers crossed, she continues!!!

I hope thing keep getting better!!

Just a thought for as far as keeping her elevated...I don't know if you co-sleep (we couldn't because it was not safe for us) but I found the Amby Hammock made a world of difference in keeping DD in a good slightly elevated position.

[g&a]

I didn't answer. No answer fit.
No, our birth was drastically different from what we planned, but still went fantastically. I guess the most important thing to me was to do it without pain meds and feel like I was really following my body. We planned on being at the birth center with our midwife, but ended up being induced at the hospital with an ob. But we had a great birth anyway.

I'm sorry to everyone who had a bad birth. Hold your babies tight.
g.