if i give formula for feed before sleep? - Page 3

[bri276]

i guess what i really came here for was someone to tell me its normal and been there done that and that it eventually does get better without me(the mom) having to make any type of drastic changes

Ok. It's normal, I've btdt (actually DD still wakes up at 30 months even though she's not bf anymore), however it has gotten better, and you don't need to make any drastic changes unless either you or your son are very unhappy or unhealthy with the way things are.

we don't know what "normal" is in America for a 12 month old anymore because of all the abnormal things we force on them (CIO, formula, etc). I don't know many people who raise their family in a natural lifestyle whose 12 month old STTN on a regular basis.

[Kessed]

As the mother to a 14.5 month old her sleep has sucked lately - but it's getting better.

Is your son getting ready to walk, or talk? Getting close to and achieving big milestones can really hurt their sleep.

At 7 months my DD was waking once or twice. At 8 months it went to hell. She started waking 5 to 10 times a night. At 8.5 months she started walking... By 9 months she was sleeping a bit better (waking 3 to 4 times each night)

Now starting at 13 months she started waking alot again. And over the last 2 weeks her vocabulary has started to explode. She's also getting more teeth again.

Formula won't make your baby start STTN.

The other babies do that because getting formula early on - that's how they developed their sleep patterns. Also - I would bet that their parents don't practice AP.

[lachingona1]

No advice here....Just a .

My 6 mo old wakes about 8 times a night and will only nurse to sleep. I know what you mean about not being able to sleep while in a nursing position, it is pretty uncomfortable.

[riversong]

Natalie- The fact that you're questioning the mainstream norms for raising children shows that you really do have your baby's best interest at heart. You don't sound like a bad mom. I've wondered about many of the same things you have.

My ds is now 14 months and is only waking a couple of times during the night. I know this is probably temporary and the waking could increase or decrease (one can hope). Your ds is probably comfort nursing during the night. I doubt he's really very hungry if you bf on demand and also offer solids. If you want to try to get him used to going to sleep without nursing, you can try rocking him to sleep or walking around the room until he falls asleep on your shoulder. This is what we did with ds to get him down for naps and bedtime. During the night I just nurse him back to sleep, though. I can't deal with getting up and he only wants the boob when he's really sleepy.

Some suggestions from the No Cry Sleep Solution that worked for me were:
moving as far away from your baby in the bed after he nurses,
keeping nursing sessions short during the night,
and not nursing immediately with every sound he makes in his sleep.

I've btdt with my dd and she now sleeps through the night in bed with her dad. I night-weaned at 23 mo. and day-weaned at 26 mo. We never used CIO or formula. It will get easier!

HTH!

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by Natalie143

alot of my friends have babies the same age as my son.. and ALL of their babies are sleeping through the night.. if not then only waking up once..

WHAT??? ALL of them? My first question is do they CIO? I've read several stories where parents who CIO-ed didn't awake to their LOs crying anymore. So, I'd hardly believe that all of the 12 mos are STTN!

Originally Posted by Natalie143

i do SO much for my son he is everything to me.. i spend loads of time with him but i feel somewhat like a failure in the way of being a good mother. i mean a good mother has it all together? she knows how to help her baby sleep through the night(without crying)... has her baby on a flexible schedule so he knows what to expect each day... he knows his bed time etc etc... i feel like im not doing a good job at the MOST important job in the whole world... raising my child

Is he happy? growing? You sound like a great mom! Being a great mom DOES not mean "having it all tog." I think it's a trait of moms to think we are lacking in some area. I bet if you posted a thread asking if anyone had it all tog. you'd get a lot of laughs. You do what's best for you and your LO. I think schedules are good, but I'm not on one and neither is DD! Her naps keep changing. Babies go thru so many changes and milestones upset sleep patterns.

Originally Posted by Natalie143

i think that he doesnt know HOW to sleep without breastfeeding so everytime he wakes up.. the only way he knows how to go back to sleep is to breastfeed.. i dont know how to change this.. any suggestions?

Possible he doesn't. My DD fell back asleep two nights with patting, and then had to nurse a lot last night, so. . . Maybe let your DP snuggle/comfort if you're tired out.

Originally Posted by lovesdaffodils

Is he cutting teeth or learning to walk? Those are common reasons for a one-year-old to wake more at night.

Also, it may seem that your friends' babies are sleeping through the night, but if they CIO and sleep in different rooms, the baby is probably waking but the parent never sees them and goes to them. Even adults wake up a few times a night! So you certainly haven't done anything wrong to make him wake during the night.

that:

Originally Posted by Natalie143

he has taken steps for the past few weeks but chooses not to walk.. he's scared of falling and so he's being very slow about it and prefers to crawl. he cut a tooth a few days ago .. its halfway out... halfway still for it to come out full.
i guess what i really came here for was someone to tell me its normal and been there done that and that it eventually does get better without me(the mom) having to make any type of drastic changes

Yep, sounds pretty normal, haven't BTDT, but keep it up, you're doing good.

[Shenjall]

Originally Posted by Natalie143

he has taken steps for the past few weeks but chooses not to walk.. he's scared of falling and so he's being very slow about it and prefers to crawl. he cut a tooth a few days ago .. its halfway out... halfway still for it to come out full.
his night waking of 3-4 times has been since birth.. for last two weeks its 5-6 times.. and last two nights like 8 lol

i guess what i really came here for was someone to tell me its normal and been there done that and that it eventually does get better without me(the mom) having to make any type of drastic changes

Its normal and btdt. It will get better. My youngest dd is 5. She wasnt eating very many solids at all at one year and from time to time, she was waking up alot during the night. Some nights moreso than others. My sil, who ff her baby from birth, and is an AP mama, had a baby who was up all the time at that age as well. Its very, very normal. Hang in there.

p.s. I was often told about how clingy my dd was and how she was going to be that way forever b/c I "refused" to wean her!! Yeah, well guess who will talk to anyone and everyone now? Guess who's miss independent? Thats right, dd. Little social butterfly that one. (she does not get that from me, thats for sure! lol)

Its all going to be okay.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by Natalie143

i read in a book that breastmilk makes up most of their nutrition up until one year.. so i assumed after a year solids would be doing that?

Actually, right at a year the recommendation I've seen (average of course) is that breastmilk should make up around 75% of their nutrition.

Many breastfed babies it stays around that level until 18 months or longer- perfectly normal.

-Angela

[jmmom]

I just wanted to say that I'm currently feeling it with an 11th month old waking, for the first time in his life, every 2 hrs+ at night - and I think you and I should really listen to the posts that have talked about how much this can be related to getting ready to walk and talk. I talked to another mom at the park the other day who had just gone through the same thing.

Try to get comfortable falling asleep while he nurses! And takes naps with him - I do - it helps A LOT.

I'm going to start drinking a nursing tea in case it's a supply thing for me, b/c he does seem to be in a growth spurt.

Oh, and my son eats a TON of solid food, and still nurses a LOT more than he ever has - they need it, especially the nurses.

My ds would NEVER fall asleep without nursing - and that's ok! Some kids will, some won't. He's pretty intense and high needs - just like me, LOL, and sleeps about as well, too!

I liked the recommendation to sleep away from him after he nurses. I've tried that. I've also tried the opposite - making sure my breast is right there for quick comfort sucks. I'm still trying to figure out which works better.

Also, I'd make sure to nurse not just on demand, but very often - maybe 1x per hour, at least - during the day, to help get supply up, give plenty of cozy time, and maybe decrease the night wakings slightly if he is in fact doing it because he's hungry.

Relax, it's totally normal, if you're not into CIO...

Anyway, ds needs to get to the park...

[channelofpeace]

Just when things seem really bleak, you turn the corner and it is over

My ds (who is almost 18 months) just now is starting to be more interested in solids. I would offer them at mealtimes, but he would mostly just play with them. But he nursed plenty. Often a lot at night. He knew what he needed. My personal theory about my ds was that he might have had some slight food allergies and just wasn't interested in solids until his little body was ready for them. Sounds like your baby just knows what he needs. Which is breastmilk You have the perfect food.

Good luck, Mama!

[treehuggermama]

I just wanted to jump in after reading this post as both of my children have had frequent night wakenings since birth...I did a lot of reading from every sleep "expert" known to man and one of the main things they all agreed on was that trying to stuff babes/toddlers with food before bed actually could worsen the problem. The reason being is that then their digestive systems were forced to work overtime and were stimulated at a time when they should be trying to settle down and sleep. One of the authors likened it to you or I eating a huge turkey dinner with all the fixings and then trying to bam lie down and go to sleep. Most people would be stuffed and uncomfortable and unable to just go to sleep for the night.

Anyways, I just found that info interesting.

good luck!

[moonfirefaery]

Other milks do not fill the baby's stomach more but take longer to digest. Breastmilk is healthier than cow milk, but if your son is a year old, he is ready for it according to most experts. Formula has more nutrients than cow milk, but it also has a lot of questionable ingredients. Your baby doesn't need as many calories and nutrients at night especially if he is nursing and eating solids during the day. If you do offer a bottle at bedtime, I think cow milk would be better to give than formula. I don't think that will help a whole lot, but I don't see any harm in trying a few days. It may or may not help, just like the ol' rice cereal in the bottle thing. It works for some babies, on some nights, and other times it doesn't.

My first son was an awful sleeper. I know how difficult it is to have to wake up for feedings well after you've lost the ability to sleep in the position they prefer to nurse in. I was more sleep-deprived around the one year mark than at the newborn period. I thought perhaps I wasn't filling him up or something was wrong with him, but I finally learned it's totally normal for some babies not to sleep through the night and to wake up to nurse. Don't let others get you down.

Ultimately, what I had to do was spend a longer time in bed. I went to bed earlier and got up later to make up for the lost sleep. I think that is your best bet.

This will pass. It will get better. I'm sorry that some of the responses given here have been impolite, inconsiderate, and unhelpful and have made you feel judged. You can PM me if you need to talk. I've been down the same road.

[AlexisT]

Actually, I think formula would be better--it's more nutritionally complete. But I wouldn't give either. What I would do is try to make sure he nurses a lot during the day, and gets plenty to eat. Not right before bed (can't sleep on an over-full stomach) but he should get plenty of food and milk in the evening, and one last nursing before bed. I also recommend trying some of the No-Cry Sleep Solution tips--check to see if it's really milk he wants or something else (so try a cuddle and a pat first) and keep nursing sessions short and quiet. If he only wants to suck, you might want to try a paci if he'll take it.

I actually agree that night waking (while not necessarily universal) is more common than a lot of parents think. Many babies awaken briefly--even cry--and go back to sleep. If your baby is not right next to you, you only notice the nightwakings that result in prolonged crying. Thanks to sleeplessness, I've been able to hear DD's sleep patterns pretty well and can confirm that she often has these brief wakings where she settles herself. Some co-sleeping mothers develop an almost reflexive action with nursing--all night wakings become night nursings, and it becomes a cycle. So I would always try other methods of soothing first. Of course, if he's hungry, he's hungry--feed him! But not all wakings mean nursing.

[mom2snugbugs]

Originally Posted by AlexisT

Actually, I think formula would be better--it's more nutritionally complete. .

You're kidding, right?

[alegna]

Originally Posted by mom2snugbugs

You're kidding, right?

I think she meant it would be better than cow's milk. And if supplementation was needed, I agree. However I hear nothing in this situation that tells me it is needed.

-Angela

[crazyrunningmama]

Originally Posted by Natalie143

and one other thing which has really been working on me inside...
alot of my friends have babies the same age as my son.. and ALL of their babies are sleeping through the night.. if not then only waking up once.. i do SO much for my son he is everything to me.. i spend loads of time with him but i feel somewhat like a failure in the way of being a good mother. i mean a good mother has it all together? she knows how to help her baby sleep through the night(without crying)... has her baby on a flexible schedule so he knows what to expect each day... he knows his bed time etc etc... i feel like im not doing a good job at the MOST important job in the whole world... raising my child

these other kids are happy and exploring the world and they sleep through...

to you.
Regarding all the other babies sleeping through the night.. they are NOT. I don't think the other moms are really trying to lie to you, (but some might be), but if you don't cosleep, you don't hear all the wake ups. At that age, they might wake up and cry loudly or they might wake up and be quiet or just make a bit of noise and eventually go back to sleep on their own, so the moms don't even know about it. When you cosleep, you notice every wake up, and your dc notices the boob there and like that!

I know you said he doesn't want to eat much, but if you can get him to eat in the evening, make it something whole grain and/or with protein, which helps them stay asleep.

[AdinaL]

I read about half the thread, but I just wanted to chime in with some stuff.

It sounds like you are having a rough time right now. My daughter had a *huge* growth spurt at 12 months, and another one around 18 months, and woke CONSTANTLY at night to nurse. they both lasted for a couple of months and tapered out. Then her second year molars started coming in. She wakes about 4 times a night right now. During the growth spurts she was waking every 45 minutes.

I would not give formula as a supplement. Part of the reason they nurse so dang much when they grow is to increase your supply. So, they are *supposed* to be doing it.

My dd didn't eat a whole lot at one year. She nibbled. Only recently has she begun to eat what other people would consider normal portions. And she is coming up on two years old.

This too shall pass is a good mantra.

The biggest thing I can tell you - *ignore what your friend's babies are doing!* Completely. Your baby may not do the same thing as other kids at the same time, ever. And trying to compare what some kids do to yours is only going to stress you out. Your friend's babies are sleeping through the night -good for them. Remember that may not be what you think it is....they may be exaggerating because they think the kid is *supposed* to sleep through the night. Or sleeping through the night may look very different to them. And lastly, they may have used some unpleasant tactics to get them to sleep like that. It sounds like your child is doing just fine. If he is gaining, and nursing and pooping and peeing - then congratulations!! YOu have a healthy kid, who is doing just fine.

I hope you find some comfort and your kiddo gets to longer stretches of sleeping.

[Starleigh]

I think a two prong approach towards nightweaning would really help you.

First make sure he is full at bed time. Offer a meal after dinner, in the last hour before bedtime. Something yummy and filling, and takes a little time for the body to work on. A whole grain cooked cereal is great, like oatmeal. Some steel cut oats with a little fruit or juice to sweeten it, and maybe an egg yolk added for extra protein (Just stir it in as you take it off the heat, coming from a boil, the oatmeal will adequately heat it). Make this in an enthusiastic feeding. When he's done though, he's done. Don't force him to eat more than he wants. Offer the breast afterwards to settle him, and then brush teeth, read stories, and tuck in for the night.

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, try to sooth him without nursing. This may cause a little fussing, but do your best to comfort him. If he's not really hungry, he'll settle quick enough. If he really needs to nurse, you'll know. If he wakes again in a couple hours, go ahead and nurse him. Really follow your instinct here, and try to fall out of the roll over and plug in habit. Maybe start with eliminating the first feeding.. when he starts to sleep through to a later hour, then you can start working on that feeding. I'd be cautious about expecting too much out of him, though. At just a year he still may not be ready to get the bulk of his nutrition from solids, so these night feedings can have real merit. I would not expect him to sleep more than 6 hours straight, really. I think if you make it to one night feeding you'll be doing great!

[miche28]

Originally Posted by alegna

I think she meant it would be better than cow's milk.

-Angela

If we're talking about 1 bottle a day, I would say that she can use either, really. The extra iron in the formula is its primary benefit over cow's milk and one bottle isn't likely to tip the balance on that. And, come to think of it, that extra iron could mess with the absorption of BM iron and cause constipation - so actually, I'd go cow's milk.

But, as PP have more eloquently stated, sounds like some strategies around partial night-weaning and adjusting expectations are going to be healthier for everyone.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by Natalie143

and one other thing which has really been working on me inside...
alot of my friends have babies the same age as my son.. and ALL of their babies are sleeping through the night.. if not then only waking up once.. i do SO much for my son he is everything to me.. i spend loads of time with him but i feel somewhat like a failure in the way of being a good mother. i mean a good mother has it all together? she knows how to help her baby sleep through the night(without crying)... has her baby on a flexible schedule so he knows what to expect each day... he knows his bed time etc etc... i feel like im not doing a good job at the MOST important job in the whole world... raising my child

these other kids are happy and exploring the world and they sleep through...

That is really not very common. What they are fed has had no bearing on sleeping through the night IME.

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by AdinaL

The biggest thing I can tell you - *ignore what your friend's babies are doing!* Completely. Your baby may not do the same thing as other kids at the same time, ever. And trying to compare what some kids do to yours is only going to stress you out. Your friend's babies are sleeping through the night -good for them. Remember that may not be what you think it is....they may be exaggerating because they think the kid is *supposed* to sleep through the night. Or sleeping through the night may look very different to them. And lastly, they may have used some unpleasant tactics to get them to sleep like that. It sounds like your child is doing just fine. If he is gaining, and nursing and pooping and peeing - then congratulations!! YOu have a healthy kid, who is doing just fine.

This is worth repeating

My three babies have been vastly different in their nighttime needs. It is pointless and exhausting to try to compare. Each Mama/ child couple is different and all you can do is best parent your little guy the way *he* needs to be parented