sigh..."almost a homebirth!"

[hubris]

I've heard several of these comments lately. Somebody will tell me about their precipitous labor, which was so fast and hot and heavy that they barely made it to the hospital on time!!! They were 10 cm dilated when they arrived, and they were told not to push until the doctor got there! Wow, it was almost a homebirth!!!

I keep just nodding and smiling. I don't see much point in correcting them. It's their exciting birth story and meaningful to them. But good gracious, no, it wasn't almost a homebirth. The second you intentionally left your home it was not a homebirth. The fact that you considered a hospital vitally necessary for a healthy normal birth makes it light years from a homebirth. Driving white-knuckled across town, through transition contractions, is generally not part of a homebirth. Fighting your own urge to push until some guy showed up to "deliver" you is so not a homebirth.

The whole thing just makes me sad, because most people don't seem to understand at all that homebirth isn't just about location, it's about a whole way of perceiving birth and perceiving ourselves, and knowing that a healthy woman and a healthy baby do not need medical or surgical assistance.

Sigh.

Thanks for letting me vent, it's nice to know that I've always got MDC.

[beanmakes3]

Oh, I so get what you're saying! It's the same reaction I have when people tell me I'm brave for "staying home." As if I'm delivering my child into the teeth of a saber tooth tiger, hoping I'll be able to snatch them up before they're eaten! It's not brave...It's just not comfortable for me to be in a hospital to do this most normal of things. I do have midwives there for a reason, though. They are better equipped than I am to tell when something is going beyond normal, and to get me to where I need to be in that case.

I also almost never have the energy to address these issues w/ people, either. Usually, I shrug, smile pleasantly and promptly change the subject. The only time I've really ever addressed it is when someone asked me "Aren't you scared?" right in front of my kids. Nice.

[MyBoysBlue]

My first birth was a "almost a homebirth". Waiting for the doc to arrive to push and walking in 10 cm dialated, well 9cm and everything. That was what made me look into homebirth for real for my second and the lack of midwives made me look into UC. It might just take some encouragement and they might look into homebirth for the next child.

[johnsmom]

I had a real "almost homebirth".
Planned a homebirth, laboured all night, pushed for several hours, midwife decided to transfer (grrrr) Arrived to hospital at 7am, baby born at 7:26(without interventions)home by 11am.
If I try really hard I can almost pretend the 4 hour window from 7am - 11 am didn't happen (except the birth of my son, of course).
I can't imagine going through all the labouring, getting to the point when baby is ready to be born just to voluntarily drive to the hospital so the baby can be caught by a doctor.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by hubris

Driving white-knuckled across town, through transition contractions, is generally not part of a homebirth. Fighting your own urge to push until some guy showed up to "deliver" you is so not a homebirth.

Originally Posted by beanmakes3

Oh, I so get what you're saying! It's the same reaction I have when people tell me I'm brave for "staying home." As if I'm delivering my child into the teeth of a saber tooth tiger, hoping I'll be able to snatch them up before they're eaten!

Bother. I was almost certain these two comments in conjunction revealed something about the "you're so brave!" mentality.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by MyBoysBlue

My first birth was a "almost a homebirth". Waiting for the doc to arrive to push and walking in 10 cm dialated, well 9cm and everything. That was what made me look into homebirth for real for my second and the lack of midwives made me look into UC. It might just take some encouragement and they might look into homebirth for the next child.

: I'd be tempted to start making comments "wasn't it scary to labor in the car?" "wasn't it annoying to have to wait for the doctor?" " sounds like the doctor didn't even do anything" and build up to "seems like your body handled things just fine at home"

[texaspeach]

I get what you mean.

I would probably open my big mouth and say "wow next time you can just plan to stay home (like I did!)"

In the past when friends have had an accidental UC I've said, well next time you can just plan on staying home, won't that be great! and they agreed whole heartedly.

[shanniesue2]

This thread made me laugh at myself... because at the beginning of this pregnancy (my first)... I was already set up with an OB, but heard someone say something about midwife, so I googled midwives in the area (thinking hopsital delivery at first) and found a website for one that practiced HBs. I remember thinking, "How weird.... I would never do that." At the time, my understanding of hombirth was that it was something that only happened if you didn't get to the hospital in time. LOL @ myself. I'm so glad I actually researched it.

[MyBoysBlue]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

I remember thinking, "How weird.... I would never do that." At the time, my understanding of hombirth was that it was something that only happened if you didn't get to the hospital in time. LOL @ myself. I'm so glad I actually researched it.

That was exactly how I thought with my first birth. My instinct was telling me to stay where I was on the bathroom floor but DH got me dressed and to the car (less than 5 min drive) and I didn't resist because I though we would have to call an ambulance If I didn't get there soon enough. Cause everyone knows birth is an emergency if you do it out of the hospital. It's funny how much our opinions change when we research things.

There are links to my full birth stories in my signature.

[Nicole B]

most people don't seem to understand at all that homebirth isn't just about location, it's about a whole way of perceiving birth and perceiving ourselves, and knowing that a healthy woman and a healthy baby do not need medical or surgical assistance.

[clittle760]

Originally Posted by hubris

I've heard several of these comments lately. Somebody will tell me about their precipitous labor, which was so fast and hot and heavy that they barely made it to the hospital on time!!! They were 10 cm dilated when they arrived, and they were told not to push until the doctor got there! Wow, it was almost a homebirth!!!

I keep just nodding and smiling. I don't see much point in correcting them. It's their exciting birth story and meaningful to them. But good gracious, no, it wasn't almost a homebirth. The second you intentionally left your home it was not a homebirth. The fact that you considered a hospital vitally necessary for a healthy normal birth makes it light years from a homebirth. Driving white-knuckled across town, through transition contractions, is generally not part of a homebirth. Fighting your own urge to push until some guy showed up to "deliver" you is so not a homebirth.

The whole thing just makes me sad, because most people don't seem to understand at all that homebirth isn't just about location, it's about a whole way of perceiving birth and perceiving ourselves, and knowing that a healthy woman and a healthy baby do not need medical or surgical assistance.

Sigh.

Thanks for letting me vent, it's nice to know that I've always got MDC.

I 100% agree. I have a couple "acquaintances" who also lie about their brith experiences to DW and I to make themselves sound like a better person. Drives me nuts.

[hubris]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

: I'd be tempted to start making comments "wasn't it scary to labor in the car?" "wasn't it annoying to have to wait for the doctor?" " sounds like the doctor didn't even do anything" and build up to "seems like your body handled things just fine at home"

LOL, I did say something like "oh, gosh, yeah, isn't riding in the car in labor just the WORST?!?!" I meant it sympathetically, but at the same time, felt so happy that I didn't have to do it last time!

[DoomaYula]

A big "yeah that" to everything.

I hear often how brave I am for hb'ing.

I don't consider myself brave for having a trained, skilled, professional midwife sitting about 5 feet away from me during my ENTIRE labor. I think you're probably more brave going into a hospital and having total strangers around for your entire labor.

[BarefootScientist]

I had one of those almost home births. Like a PP, I had the strongest urge to stay right where I was, in my bathroom, and have the baby. But because I hadn't mentally prepared for a homebirth, my DH was in no way prepared, and would have called an ambulance, and it was my first baby so I really had only my instincts telling me he was coming NOW (my instincts turned out to be right of course), we went to the hospital. And it is true, riding in a car pushing is not fun.

I am glad I went to the hospital. But next time, I will plan to stay home.

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by DoomaYula

A big "yeah that" to everything.

I hear often how brave I am for hb'ing.

I don't consider myself brave for having a trained, skilled, professional midwife sitting about 5 feet away from me during my ENTIRE labor. I think you're probably more brave going into a hospital and having total strangers around for your entire labor.

Heh, and that's if you're lucky. Most of the time there wasn't even anyone in the room with me at the hospital....and when they did come in, they looked at the machines and then left. I felt like yelling, "Hey, I'm GIVING BIRTH, here!"

Which is more scary: being in your own house with a trusted professional by your side, or alone in a strange room full of strange equipment that people care about more than they care about you? I think hospital birth takes more guts if you ask me.

[smokeylo]

Ha, I totally get you on this! I have a friend who gave birth in the cab on the way to the hospital. No judgment to her, but I was like, how much easier would it have been to just stay at home? I'm so glad I don't have to worry about GOING anywhere when I go into labor. Love that!!

[mamaspirit]

Originally Posted by hubris

I've heard several of these comments lately. Somebody will tell me about their precipitous labor, which was so fast and hot and heavy that they barely made it to the hospital on time!!! They were 10 cm dilated when they arrived, and they were told not to push until the doctor got there! Wow, it was almost a homebirth!!!

I keep just nodding and smiling. I don't see much point in correcting them. It's their exciting birth story and meaningful to them. But good gracious, no, it wasn't almost a homebirth. The second you intentionally left your home it was not a homebirth. The fact that you considered a hospital vitally necessary for a healthy normal birth makes it light years from a homebirth. Driving white-knuckled across town, through transition contractions, is generally not part of a homebirth. Fighting your own urge to push until some guy showed up to "deliver" you is so not a homebirth.

The whole thing just makes me sad, because most people don't seem to understand at all that homebirth isn't just about location, it's about a whole way of perceiving birth and perceiving ourselves, and knowing that a healthy woman and a healthy baby do not need medical or surgical assistance.

Sigh.

Thanks for letting me vent, it's nice to know that I've always got MDC.

Well said sister!

[Mamatolea]

Originally Posted by DoomaYula

I don't consider myself brave for having a trained, skilled, professional midwife sitting about 5 feet away from me during my ENTIRE labor. I think you're probably more brave going into a hospital and having total strangers around for your entire labor.

:

That is SO me, I can't even imagine going to a hospital, filled with needles and drugs, forced to do things at THEIR pace rather than mine, not being able to relax and labor in the tub, all the while wondering WHO would be delivering my baby since I know it wouldn't be the people I originally asked to do it, god forbid they should have to do a double shift in order to be there for me when I PAY them for it-like my midwife and doula do!!!!!!

Did I mention I LOVE ????