older sibling jealousy

[kehliouise]

so does anyone else have an older child that is not really getting into the new baby. ds#1 is doing pretty well. i mean he hasn't tried to hurt the baby or anything like that. he just doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby. he has expressed that he doesn't like him, and he says he likes it when the baby cries. at the same time he does occaisionally exhibit concern over the baby. when we took ds#2 to the pediatrician, we had ds#1 sit in the waiting room with his grandmother. ds#2 was crying and ds#1 got worried and insisted they take him back to where we were. he checked to see if ds#2 was okay and then returned to the waiting room. i thought this was sweet, but this is not his regular attitude towards the baby. he also is still trying to act like he is a baby. he is nursing full time again. although he has started eating some solid food again. he is waking up in the middle of the night. he whines and cries at the drop of a hat. i have tried to make sure that i am responding to his needs, and we are letting him indulge in baby behavior. i just really need some more suggestions. i don't want there to be jealousy, or competition between the two of them so young. I'm also wondering how long this should last. is it just normal for this point in time? Just sometimes i can't drop what i am doing, or stop holding the baby to go and sit with ds#1 and let him pretend to cry and nurse. i have other obligations. that of course just sends ds#1 into an actual crying fit were he yells that mommy is gone. he has always been emotionally demanding. how do i handle this?

[Surfacing]

We have some similar things going on here in that dd#1 reverts to baby behaviour and cries for mama. Sometimes dd#1 wants to climb onto my lap when dd#2 is feeding so I let her. When dd#1 starts acting like a baby sometimes we say, "Oh, are we playing that you're a baby now?" and we indulge it. Sometimes dd#1 says "I'm baby T" like her sister, and I cry and make a show of it and say, "I don't need two baby T's, I need my big girl Emi. What would I do without my Emi? I want my big girl." This makes her smile and look pleased that she's still needed and wanted, even if she's not a baby, and she's loved the way she is. I make sure to have cuddle times with dd#1 when I am not holding dd#2. We pretend that she is a baby kitten and I am the mommy cat, and we cuddle, purr, etc. Sometimes dd#1 asks me to put dd#2 down, so I tell her why I can't/don't want to, explain that when SHE was a baby I used to hold HER all the time too, etc. I give her love and affection as I tell her (even if it's just a stroke on the head or a big loving smile) and that seems to help some.

Dd#1 takes more interest in the baby and acting out baby stuff perhaps because she is a girl? My friends with boys have said they show no interest in their sibling until they get a bit older. Maybe find a way to involve him in picking out the outfit for his little brother, helping bathe him, rub oil on his legs, bring diapers, etc. This works with dd#1 and may or may not be helpful.

I try to reassure dd#1 that she can still have love and affection and doesn't need to be a baby to get it. We also read a book that talks about having a new baby in the household and all the feelings that come with it for the older sibling.

Sorry this is so disjointed, I'm a bit distracted with the baby right now. Good luck, this is totally developmentally normal and will pass. I find a huge difference in dd#1's behaviour and "maturity" even over a few months ago. Hang in there Mama.

[Peacemamalove]

my dd3 is having a hard time..it is like she can't find her place now..Dh and I have tried doing special things with her but it doesn't seem to be working. She isn't mean to the baby at all but she is distant,more whiny, and has started wetting her pants again even at night. But the hardest part is her not listening at all ...She completely tunes out dh and I and it is making us crazy.

I am also so sick of hearing "I don't want to" that I think I am going to scream:

I just am lost at what to do