Having a sad night

[LibbyLou]

I never in a million years thought I would be sitting home crying on a Friday night about not being able to get pregnant. Usually DH would make me feel better, but he's out of town for work. So I'm venting to strangers on the internet.

I haven't had a period since November, and I haven't ovulated since I started charting (once I stopped bc pills). I have my first appointement with my primary care physician on Monday to try to figure out what's going on. I don't think he'll really be able to do anything for me...I think I'll probably just get a referral to an OB/GYN. I just hope they take all of my concerns seriously, and don't give me the "you're young, be patient" line.

I'm hoping I'm not alone in all of this. That I'm not the only woman who feels like her insides are totally broken. That I'm not the only woman who is bitter and resentful when her best friend gets pregnant, and then feels completely guilty about those feelings. I even feel a little guilty for writing this, because I know that many women have been though a lot more on their TTC journeys than I have.

I guess I just want to say that fertility issues suck, and it sucks that it happens to women like us who want to have children and will be wonderful mothers. If you've taken the time to ready this, thank you for letting me feel like I've been heard. I'm sending lots of conception karma your way.

[airmide_m]

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I can totally identify! Though thanks to Murphy's Law it was really no surprise to me that we are having trouble getting pregnant, since it is the one thing I've wanted more than anything forever. Here is another forum that is fairly active for infertility http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...isplay.php?f=4

[Aly22681]

I am so sorry you are ahving to go through all of this! I wish I had read your post last night instead of this morning bc we were in the SAME boat. My DH was away last night and I was SUPER depressed. We had a m/c last May and have not been able to get pregnant since. Not for lack of trying, 4 cycles of clomid later....NOTHING. I tested yesterday and BFN, so on to cycle #8. I know all of this really sucks right now, but I really hope you make it to the DR and figure out what is going on soon. Who knows maybe Ill see you in one of the due date clubs soon

Oh and DONT feel bad when you need to vent, that is why we are all here, everyone has to vent sometimes! Good Luck and take care!

[LibbyLou]

Thank you both for your kind words. I'm feeling better this morning after a good night of sleep. I'm also making a decision to focus on positive things while we are TTC to see if that helps keep the blues away.

Its also amazing how cathartic it is to be able to type up my feelings and send them out to the universe. What did people do before the internet?

[Everrgreen]

I completely understand. I also was crying last night about the same thing. DH was there, but there's nothing he can say that can change what I'm upset about. We have now been trying for 10 long months (only 7 ovulations in those months ). You are definitely not alone in feeling broken, I am at a loss to what is wrong, and you are definitely not alone in feeling angry and jealous of others (I feel angry and jealous, and then guilty for feeling that way). Nothing about this is fair and I wish I could say something to make all of us feel better, or better yet to give all of us the answer to our prayers.

[Mom4tot]

[Jenren]

I just wanted to say how sorry how I am that you have to go through all of this! I don't know exactly what you're going through since I do have two DC already. I know we have been very blessed in the fact that we were given them. We just wanted one more though, and have had no success in it. This month will make cycle 23 for us, almost two years that we have been activley trying. It is so frustrating, and yet I feel so guilty wanting another one when there are ladies like you who are trying and wanting so bad just for one
I hope that everything goes well for you on Monday! Don't let the Dr. push you around. I think that much of the time we have to push to get what we need. I don't think that dr.'s understand much of the time. If you're seeing a military dr. though you shouldn't have any trouble getting a refferal to an OB/GYN. They're normally pretty good about getting the ball rolling. I went to my OB/GYN for a refferal to the infertility clinic here in so cal in Balboa/ Point Loma and I had the approval in a week from the time that I went in and had an appointment at the clinic in a week from that time. So all in all it has only taken two weeks for me to get into the RE. Tricare can be slow on some things, but most of the time they're pretty speedy. So try not to give up hope, easier said than done I know! Perhaps try to look at your appt. on Mon. as the first stepping stone to your precious little one! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

[filiadeluna]

I understand the worry, I really do. I'm not positive if I've been ovulating, but even if I have I haven't been pregnant in the last 4 cycles since we started trying. It seems to me like your lack of AF could definitely be related to getting off BC. When I stopped hormonal BC back in 2005, it was 8 weeks before I got a period, and I had other long cycles on & off after that, so that's not uncommon at all.

I read somewhere that the average woman stopping BC doesn't get normal cycles for 3-4 months, and for some women it could even take as long as a year to get entirely out of their system (depending on how long they've been on it). I was only on BC for about 11 months, but it still messed up my cycles (made them longer) for quite awhile.

Have you tried any herbal remedies to bring on AF? I hear parsley tea or ginger root tea works really well! If you haven't tried anything to bring it on, I would suggest researching various herbal remedies (Google). Make sure you get the info from more than one source before trying it, though, because some are more tested than others. It might be a lot better for your body to try this first before going to your doctor. Your doctor will probably suggest provera or something similar to bring on AF, but I've heard that can have NASTY side effects.

I had one really crazy, 49-day-long cycle because I took Vitex (didn't need it apparently), and my doc was going to put me on provera, but after reading the horror stories of the side effects I decided to wait it out and let AF come naturally. If it hadn't come a week after I talked to the doctor, I would have tried an herbal remedy first.

Sorry that was really long-winded! I just wanted to help you out.

[Seedlings]

[RossieH]

Sorry to here you're going through such a tough time. You are not alone.
Yes fertility issues suck!!!!!
Hope your visit to the doctor goes well on Monday - at least you will feel you are doing something positive.

[LibbyLou]

Thank you so much for the hugs and support. I braved an ice storm to go to my appointment this morning. They drew blood to check all my hormones, and I'm scheduled for an ultra sound on the 20th. No answers yet, but at least I feel like I'm doing something.

[allfrog68]

This isn't exactly what you were asking for but one thing you might try is Vitex (chasteberry). I think it helps women get more regular cycles. My cycle was fairly regular but I took it to boost fertility. It didn't really do what i wanted but it did affect my cycle. So, it's pretty powerful. You can do a search on this board and TTC and find a lot of references to it. You can buy it at a Whole Foods store or place that sells vitamins. Good luck and hang in there. Things will work out in time.

[RossieH]

Hope you are feeling better LibbyLou.
Good luck with the untra sound next week.
Let us know how the bloods go.

[astar326]

LibbyLou- I could have easily wrote the same thread.

I'm experiencing the same situation. My last AF was 11/7/07. I saw my PCP this past Wednesday (she said that I'm currently infertile b/c I'm not ovulating which lead to all kinds of harsh thoughts regarding my body including am I really a woman?) and had an ultra sound on Thursday AM which said everything appeared normal (relief, I am a woman with all the parts that are just on pause). It was hard going to the ultra sound knowing it would be an empty womb. I tried to focus on just checking out the place my future babies will grow and develop. My PCP also gave me a prescription for Provera which I am reluctant to take (I like to do everything naturally), but I'm feeling desperate. My PCP also mentioned prescribing Clomid after I get AF from the Provera and have blood test done. Has anyone used Clomid before? I'm also thinking about trying acupuncture.

I can't stress enough how happy I am to have found MDC and everyone that has posted words of advice and encouragement. Thanks to all of you.

[Baby Makes 4]

We have been trying to have baby #3 for nearly 18 months now. We've conceived twice and lost both babes. I know I should be happy with the two beautiful children I have but I just feel so broken.