Am I the only one who feel like this is just too hard sometimes?
Dh and I have been fighting pretty much all weekend. I have conferences coming up next month -- a one day one where I'll be gone from 6am to 8pm, a 2 day that I can take the kids to, and a 5 day one that is a plane trip away. I'm also trying to work, go to grad school and oh, yeah, take care of dd, my house, the bills and everything else. Dd's got 4 appointments coming up in the next 2 weeks, and the ped thinks she needs to go back to the neurosurgeon because of something on her spine. I'm supposed to go to pain clinic and my own neurosurgeon next week.
We have no one to help, except my mom. My dad is happy to watch the kids for a couple of hours, but he can't do meds, won't change her morning diaper, and won't do toileting (so you know, basically no help at all). I've been looking for child care or PCA for months now, with nothing. And I'm supposed to leave for Atlanta in 3 weeks! Dh thinks I'm getting "all worked up" for nothing, despite the fact that he thinks it's a great idea for me to leave dd with some girl he used to work with that I've NEVER even met
Plus, he's mad at me for even agreeing to go to this conference . . . except that I agreed when he was working third shift and childcare wasn't going to be an issue. Now he's in a new (better) job, but with no set schedule, which means childcare is a huge issue.
Since taking my job two years ago, I've backed out of at least 2 major conferences, missed another one due to illness, and not been able to stay overnight at our "mandatory" one due to dd's illness. Needless to say, they pretty much think I'm a flake, which makes me upset since in my LBJ (Life Before dd) I was really reliable and very conscientous. Now, I just feel like everyone has these huge EXPECTATIONS of me, and I'm totally burnt out. Work expects me to be able to do all these great national-level conferences -- which are great, except when, you know, my life interferes. And the school has it's own version of what I should be doing for dd. And the docs have their own agenda for what I should be doing. And, oh yeah, my other kids want me to be at their activities. And ds is struggling in school lately, and I haven't even had a minute to address that issue. And let's not even go down the financial road
When dd was really sick, back in the beginning, everyone understood that my time and energy was completely devoted to caring for her. No one expected me to join the PTO or sit in on the hospital board, or heck, even shower on a regular basis. Now, everyone thinks dd is "just great" and I should go back to supermom status. She's not "just great", she's still disabled and medically fragile, still requires lots of care and time for IEP's and meetings and appointments -- something that no one IRL seems to get.
Sorry for the vent.
Dh and I have been fighting pretty much all weekend. I have conferences coming up next month -- a one day one where I'll be gone from 6am to 8pm, a 2 day that I can take the kids to, and a 5 day one that is a plane trip away. I'm also trying to work, go to grad school and oh, yeah, take care of dd, my house, the bills and everything else. Dd's got 4 appointments coming up in the next 2 weeks, and the ped thinks she needs to go back to the neurosurgeon because of something on her spine. I'm supposed to go to pain clinic and my own neurosurgeon next week.
We have no one to help, except my mom. My dad is happy to watch the kids for a couple of hours, but he can't do meds, won't change her morning diaper, and won't do toileting (so you know, basically no help at all). I've been looking for child care or PCA for months now, with nothing. And I'm supposed to leave for Atlanta in 3 weeks! Dh thinks I'm getting "all worked up" for nothing, despite the fact that he thinks it's a great idea for me to leave dd with some girl he used to work with that I've NEVER even met
Plus, he's mad at me for even agreeing to go to this conference . . . except that I agreed when he was working third shift and childcare wasn't going to be an issue. Now he's in a new (better) job, but with no set schedule, which means childcare is a huge issue.Since taking my job two years ago, I've backed out of at least 2 major conferences, missed another one due to illness, and not been able to stay overnight at our "mandatory" one due to dd's illness. Needless to say, they pretty much think I'm a flake, which makes me upset since in my LBJ (Life Before dd) I was really reliable and very conscientous. Now, I just feel like everyone has these huge EXPECTATIONS of me, and I'm totally burnt out. Work expects me to be able to do all these great national-level conferences -- which are great, except when, you know, my life interferes. And the school has it's own version of what I should be doing for dd. And the docs have their own agenda for what I should be doing. And, oh yeah, my other kids want me to be at their activities. And ds is struggling in school lately, and I haven't even had a minute to address that issue. And let's not even go down the financial road
When dd was really sick, back in the beginning, everyone understood that my time and energy was completely devoted to caring for her. No one expected me to join the PTO or sit in on the hospital board, or heck, even shower on a regular basis. Now, everyone thinks dd is "just great" and I should go back to supermom status. She's not "just great", she's still disabled and medically fragile, still requires lots of care and time for IEP's and meetings and appointments -- something that no one IRL seems to get.
Sorry for the vent.
I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. I hope your week of vacation is rejuvenating and fun.
