Support - Moms of 6-9 month old frequent wakers - Page 5

[Acugirl]

Hi Guys!
Well, now I am wheat free, dairy free, soy free, nut free etc...and dd is STILL waking all the time.

I think she has no clue how to go back to sleep with out me-how could she? How will she learn this if I always help her? How do I NOT help her if she just starts screaming and is then wide awake if I don't nurse her immediately when she wakes in the night?

She is napping a HUGE nap in the afternoon-1 hr in the bed and then an hr and 1/2 in the sling...from about 1-3 or 4...bedtime around 7 or 8, wake 1/2 hr later, nurse back to sleep...wake 2-3 hrs later, 2 hrs all night until 3 and then I loose track! She is completely restless all night long tossing and turning.

Woe is me!

I wish I had an answer! I also wish I didn't have a perfect little nursery to look at every day-it just makes me madder!

[lilirose]

sorry, having to remove all posts with personal info due to an online stalker.

[hollyhobbie]

lilirose, i just wanted to say that at about 7.5 months (in the last couple of weeks) baby-loo has made it clear that she wants to put herself to sleep on our bed. she wont be held or rocked and puts her head down on the carpet so we take her into the bedroom and she flops around a bit until she goes to sleep. now, we did not teach her this at all. she decided it was what she wanted to do. i was a bit shocked b/c i thought it would take a very long time as we were not doing anything to encourage it exactly. we thought we would maybe move her onto her own mattress on the floor when she was 2 or 3 ish. and hope that she would start to learn then to put herself to sleep i guess. i mean i didnt think it through that much.

so sometimes at night she crashes around a bit and puts her head on me and goes right back to sleep but other times she cries and needs to nurse which i do not hesitate to do.

i just read this small book from the library called "in search of sleep" subtitled um something like "truth about babies, toddlers and nightwaking" it was one of the most reassuring things i have read on sleep and i didnt expect it to be. it talked alot about temperament of babies and reassured me once again it is nothing i am doing but just the way she (and all of our babies) are. they did a big survey and found lots of babies didnt sleep through. also pointed out the data about babies sleeping is based on formula fed crib sleeping babies and so our "norms" are not normal for co-sleeping extended bf'ing babies.

loo is still sick and so am i but sleep is no worse than usual....go figure. guess it shows that maybe it is just the way she sleeps come hell or high water. i am just thankful she is waking every couple of hrs and not every hr right now.

[Island Mommy]

Oh wow, things are going nuts here. I'm hoping it is due to the 4 teeth DD is cutting right now and it will soon even out. Last night DD fell asleep in the sling at 8, woke when I tried to put her down, nursed, but didn't fall back asleep. We got up and dh played with her until 9:30, then he put her in the sling. She fell asleep, but woke when he put her down and again, didn't nurse to sleep. She started screaming and honestly, I just lied in the bed and looked at her. She was rolling around and trying to crawl and just screaming. Nursing didn't help and neither did holding her. I finally got up at 10:15, gave her some tylenol, then put her back in the sling with her soother and bounced her to sleep on the exercise ball. She was asleep by 10:30, nursed I don't know how many times during the night, was up at 7:15 this morning and has so far had one 15 min nap. It's 11:30 a.m.

However, she's been reasonably happy so far today, so I guess that's a blessing. We took her down to our friend's boat the other night and she cried whenever someone laughed or clapped or made any loud noise. We had to leave because she was just so unhappy. We brought her home and she was happy as could be for another hour and a half before she fell asleep. Go figure.

[hollyhobbie]

island mommy, my friends baby was doing that too when she came to visit. same age baby. i think it is the seperation anxiety thing looking a little different. baby-loo has full blown sep anx since being sick and it is making me a little crazy. now the not sleeping doesnt seem as bad as the never letting me go (again) in the day. she wants up all the time then she wants down then i put her down and she screams and cries. sigh. it is so hard b/c she is 20 lbs and hard to carry at all times. maybe it will improve quickly. she eat a bunch of finger food today so maybe she will sleep better tonight with a fuller tummy. please let me sleep tonight if i have to face a difficult day tomorrow.

[Island Mommy]

I'm throwing in the towel, waving the white flag. I GIVE UP! I cannot do this anymore. I can't be positive any longer. Something has to change and if she has to cry for hours, so be it.

Boy, it feels good to write something like that and be so sure you can let them cry when it's sunny and bright outside. In the deep, dark depths of the night everything changes.

But seriously, last night dd nursed almost constantly from 7:45 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. I couldn't fall asleep and was getting so mad at her. Every time I tried to take my nipple away she would wake and screech, fuss, flop around, then cry. Finally at 1:00 a.m. I took her to my dh and said I couldn't take it any longer. I left her crying, went back to the bedroom, put in my earplugs and went to sleep. I was crying and frazzled.

I so want to sleep with my dh again. I so want to sleep for more than 45 minutes at a stretch. I want dd to be able to sleep restfully with both her parents, just like Dr Sears and Dr Gordon says (boy, I'm ready to strangle those guys!)

Honestly, I think dh and I have to come up with a plan. He says he will take her at night, but he will not walk/bounce etc. He will lay beside her and hold her, but that's all. So far I've resisted because I didn't want her to cry, but I think that I'm going to have to let him do it. Maybe we'll try it for a week and see if her sleep improves at all. She will scream and if it doesn't work I'll feel horrible, but I don't know what else to do.

I'm going to the drugstore to pick up a prescription for Zoloft today. I hate being on these antidepressants and have been trying to stay off them, but I have to work and I'm getting no sleep and I just can't do it anymore.

I really don't think this is what it's supposed to be like with a baby. I often wonder if things would be different if I'd let her cry a bit as an infant, put her in a crib and not nursed her at night past about 4 months old. Oh well, I guess I'll never know.

[Harper]

Dear Island Mommy,

I'm sorry it is so hard. It is impossible to function and behave rationally if you have no sleep! You are obviously doing the best that you can (and more than I can even imagine!) and you need a rest. I can't believe that you lasted from 7:45 until 1 am. I couldn't go that long and would have given her to dh long before. You have already demonstrated so much patience.

Let your husband try your plan if he can handle the crying. As Dr. Sears said, crying in the arms of a loving parent is not the same as crying it out. You haven't done anything wrong! You could have put her in a crib and let her cry and she could still be waking frequently. You are a good and loving mama and your dd knows it as you try and show her every day and night. Even if your plan only lasts a night or two, if you get some sleep you will be feeling so much better!

It is so frustrating that nobody has the answers. No one can say: oh well dd is crying because X and if you only do X she will sleep and be a happy baby. My dd has been a sleeping nightmare for almost three weeks now and I am exhausted not only from not sleeping but also from worrying. She isn't her wonderful little self because she is so tired. I am trying to do everything I can to make sleep possible but nothing seems to be good enough. I feel like I missed out on her entire seventh month and she will never be seven months old again.

Sorry. I was trying to be supportive and then started to make it about me. You are doing wonderfully. You are an amazing mama. Your dd will be fine. Let her cry a little bit and you get some rest. This too shall pass--I don't when but it will. Cuddle your dd lots during the day and she will know that she is loved.

Good luck.

[Mona]

s Island mommy (and others)
I know it may not feel like it, but I am confident that you choice to co-sleep and breast feed your dd is the best thing out there- she will thank you for it later. It doesn't seem fair- to be "rewarded " for such selfless acts with utter exhaution and insanity. It does make you wonder, I know. But I have to believe that what i am doing WILL make a difference for her.

I'm sure you have answered this, but is your DD teething? It really sounds like she might be from your description. OR maybe having tummy issues?

My dd has suddenly learned to crawl more efficiently and climb up on stuff, over stuff, ect all in a matter of days. She no longer wants to nap, but is so exhausted. She has this whine... E E E... that drives me bonkers. At night she is "ok" until about 1:30, and then nurses every hour. And wakes up early to boot. I try not to complain. But combined with the insane day time turn of events, i find myself more short tempered and in a sour mood. I am trying to take lots of deep breaths and ground myself.

IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!

[Acugirl]

Gosh, it is incredible how similar our babes are! Island Mama, I so feel your pain!

Last night dd nursed to sleep at 7:30. I put her in her pack and play where she sleeps sometimes-I can't leave her on the bed-she just crawls off-even though it is on the floor-it is still a bit high.

A 1/2 hr later, she woke up standing up and crying. I went and held her and she fell back to sleep right away. I put her back down. 2 min later, she is standing up and WIDE awake. I took her down to dh. She is SO excited she is shreiking. They play for a bit, he puts her in the sling and she goes to sleep. He lies her in our papason chair (big round chair) and she sleeps for 1/2 hr, wakes up crying. By now it is after 9. She had been up since 3. I decided to try again-take her up, lie down in our bed and nurse. She nurses for a minute, and then is FRANTICLY crawling all around standing up, etc. SO, back down to dh-it is now 11! I went to bed and he brought her up at 2. She nursed, when back to sleep, nursed at 4, 6 and up for day at 8. Whew!

Island Mama, I agree about sears and gordon! While I love them, sometimes I have to say, WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON! Whose babies actually act like they say??!!

I am wheat, dairy, nut, shellfish etc free and dd hardly eats anything but bm...still these probs! She is teething, but I give her hylands, tylenol ect.

Anyway, I hope your plan with dh works! lately dd will go to sleep much better for dh, but still wakes just as much anyway.

It is SO frustrating!

We are here for you!

[Mona]

I just have to say that I am jealous that your dc can go to your dh's. DD cries uncontrollably if she wakes up and i am not there. She cries uncontrollably if i am not there when she is ready to go to bed at night.
Oh well, I guess that's just the way it is right now.
:

[Island Mommy]

Oh, I must have forgotten to mention that dd cries uncontrollably with dh. Only in the night though. During the day she's great, and dh can get her to sleep in the buggy and the sling. It's when she wakes up during the night...dh won't sling her then. He refuses. I see his point too. For how long do we jump through all these hoops to have her sleep? He wants her to learn to fall asleep beside him or me. He won't leave her alone, though.

Anyway, last night I gave dd to dh at 3:30. Put in the earplugs and went to sleep. Woke at 5:30 to hear her screaming, took her and nursed to sleep (didn't take long!!), then she nursed a couple more times before getting up at 7:30. Luckily dh stays home, so he is still sleeping now and I have a yoga class at 10 a.m. to look forward to.

DD woke happy and seems no worse for her crying spell with dh during the night. I have a choir practice tonight and know he will try to get her to sleep by laying down with her and singing. She will cry. But, as Harper says, a babe crying in her dad's arms is not the same as being left to cry alone. I hope.

Some other stuff I've been thinking about. While AP is about meeting a child's needs, I do think that at some point a parent has to differentiate needs from wants. For example, if your babe hates to have her teeth brushed and screams the whole time, that doesn't mean you stop brushing her teeth. You, as the parent, know it is important and therefore continue. So, perhaps my family is getting to the stage where dd's "want" to nurse all night is affecting all of us to such an extent that we'll have to, as gently as possible, let her know that it's not OK anymore. Again, such logic at 8 in the morning. Talk to me again when she's screaming blue murder at 3 a.m.

That's the other thing. People talk about their babies "fussing". My dd rarely fusses. She screams, sobs and cries. It sounds like we're killing her. However, it's amazing how fast she can stop when she gets what she wants!

[Acugirl]

Mona, don't be jealous-dd just this week started letting dh get her to sleep and sometimes she does scream-I give them 15 min and lately she will be asleep after 5...but up until recently, she would scream bloody murder until I came to get her.

Island Mama, I know what you mean about screaming all out and not fussing...dd is on or off, no inbetween. and she does stop crying right away when she gets what she wants-if we can figure it out!

I was just talking to dh and he says he doesn't mind her being up late if she is happy-so I guess it is ok for now...in my mind though she should be in bed asleep at a reasonable hr! But in reality, it doesn't seem to affect her mood, her development so what does it matter for now?

Anyway, another night is here! good sleep vibes to you all!

[hollyhobbie]

sorry you are struggling island mommy. not much sleep here last night. lost count after the sixth nursing!! sigh. i was so enjoying getting a little more sleep as in 2-3 hrs instead of 1!! i am very teary today and fighting with dh. more another time.

[Mona]

s

[corrie43]

I guess my problem is that I'm such a B**ch during the day because I get no unbroken sleep. I am finding myself yelling at my husband and toddler, and getting frustrated with everything. I am allready on antidepressants, but they aren't helping much.

I have two kids co-sleeping with me and my DH works nights, so he's of no help. I start both kids out in their room at around 8pm.
Emma, 7mos, wakes up at 9:30, 11pm, 1am, 3am and 5am almost like clockwork
Max, 3, wakes up around midnight to come in with me. Lately at 3am he's been waking up jumping out of bed insisting on going to the living room to watch TV and then screaming when I won't let him, which wakes the baby and I just want to scream.

They both are up by 6am usually

I am at my wits end over here. I just want to run away some nights.
At least I can come here and vent. My husband doesn't sympathise because I have it "so easy" as a SAHM... GRRRRRR
Corrie

[Harper]

I'm trying not to get my hopes up but I have had two good nights in a row! Harper has gone to bed at 8:00 and on Wednesday night she got up at 1:00 and 5:00!! Last night she got up at 10:00, 2:00 and 5:00. She is having a really hard time going back to sleep at 5:00 and I have nursed and dh has rocked and she will sleep in 30 minute spurts until 7:30. This is a VAST improvement. The unfortunate part is that I am still really tired because I have a cold--change of seasons, lack of sleep--it was destined to happen. I just keep thinking about how worse I would feel if I wasn't getting any sleep. I know that tonight could be terrible, but at least I have had a couple of good nights.

My husband, nanny and I are trying hard to follow the no-cry sleep solution and I don't know if it has helped but we do try and put her down slightly awake and give her verbal cues. I also gave her a small stuffed bunny for her to sleep with. Maybe it's helping....

[Mona]

Originally posted by corrie43
My husband doesn't sympathise because I have it "so easy" as a SAHM... GRRRRRR
Corrie

:Puke

yeah, we sit around and eat bon bons all day. it's so easy!


s


Harper- yeah!!! sounds good. hopefully it will continue.

[Pam_and_Abigail]

Just wanted to chime in with some more hope, especially for Island Mommy. Last night dd woke up just once. She slept from 11 pm till 6 am. Also, in the last week, it's only been taking about 5-15 minutes to put her to sleep.
It's hard to believe this is the same baby who just weeks ago was waking up so much and taking hours to get to sleep.

[Island Mommy]

Pam_and_Abigail

Do you think the better sleeping coincided with the cessation of teething? DD's top two teeth are in but I think the 2 on each side are now coming through. I understand they take a bit of a break after these first 6 teeth are through.

We had another bad night last night. I've been feeling so frustrated that I've actually felt like hitting DD. I feel just horrible when I get that feeling and that's when I immediately take DD to DH. I wouldn't ever hit her, but even to feel that emotion towards a babe I love so much is frightening.

She cried with DH for over an hour before I took her again. DH thinks that it's a waste of time to give her to him if I'm not going to let her cry until she falls asleep, but I wish he'd just see it as a break for me. Once I've calmed down a bit, I'm ready to take her back and nurse her to sleep again.

I just wish she'd fall back to sleep easier during the night. We nurse for 1/2 hour - 45 min sometimes, then when I try to extract my nipple she starts to cry. Or, she'll fall asleep, I'll gently edge away, get comfortable, close my eyes, and she'll be awake crying again. This goes on for hours sometimes.

We had a ped appt today. He said he thinks dd probably has difficulty digesting lactose based on some tests we've had done. He said that if I was feeding formula he would suggest switching to soy-based, but as I am BFing he says to just keep going. He never advises a woman to stop BFing unless the babe is definitely failing to thrive. Nice ped, huh! I think that perhaps all the nursing I'm doing at night is actually exacerbating the problem. Maybe for the next few nights I'll try other methods to soothe dd. I don't think she'll be too happy though.

[Mona]

Island mommy-
I understand your frustration. Do not beat yourself up over the intense emotions that well up inside of you. You are doing the right thing by taking a break when you feel this intensity.

Do you consume dairy? I can't remember through all these posts if you have altered your diet.
Do you nurse lying down? Can you sleep while she is nursing?

Teeth- DD has had 8 since she was about 8mo old. The teeth have finally seemed to stop since then, but she was teething on and off from 3mo old to 8 mo old. ugh.
sleep has improved since then, but she still wakes ? many times throughout the night ( i don't keep track so as to not depress myself...)

Anyway, hang in there. s to you....