how to talk to DH about discipline

[milkeriffic mama]

So DH and I are on the same page for the most part about how to raise DS (almost 13 months). However, I'm very cautious about how I talk to DS about things, and I feel like the words DH uses are not the words I would choose.

I do use the word no if it means that DS is doing something that could hurt himself or someone and explain why something isn't okay. For instance, if DS throws his sippy cup at me, I will say, "No, we don't throw things at mommy. Mommy could get hurt."

I've heard DH say, "No, we don't throw things." and then if it continues, I've heard him say, "No, that's a bad boy." It REALLY rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel like he's talking to one of the dogs, and I don't want DS to internalize that "bad boy" feeling.

DH and I usually communicate very well, but I don't know how to bring it up kindly without him feeling like I'm criticizing him as a parent and making it look like I'm right and he's wrong. Any thoughts or feedback is much appreciated. Thanks so much!

[Limabean1975]

Would he be into reading parenting books? If you have a favourite, or can seek out a book that is well-aligned with your parenting ideas, perhaps you could say "Hey, I read this book, and it's really opened my eyes to better ways to talk to DS. Check it out!". THat way you would not be criticizing what he is doing, but opening up the possibility of other ways of doing things.

If anyone has other ideas, I want to hear them too! Like you, DH and I are pretty much on the same page, but there are things he does/says that I want to correct or change...and he is NOT into reading the books.

[franklinmarxmom]

Oh, this could be my house--DH's "no's", 13 mo DS, no willingness to read books, yet generally good marriage and shared ideas on parenting--I hope someone has some ideas!

And to the OP, I hear your frustration and tension!