spanking and shaming at the post office today....

[snoopy5386]

DD and I had to go to the post office today and walked right in behind a mom and her approx. 4 year old son, so we were right behind them in line the whole time. We were there maybe 7 or 8 minutes? and I could not believe what I witnessed in that time. The boy was roaming around the post office, something I have seen children do every single time we are there since there is a wide open area near where the line is. He was also playing on and off with the retractable line pole thingys that form up the roped off line, also not a big deal in my opinion. First she started off by threatening the boy with "If you don't come here I am going to go get that man (the post office employee working the counter) to come get you. Then several times she threatened to call his mom-mom (grandma I guess) to come and paddle him. She also said things like "I am going to have a Thomas birthday party and you are not", "I am going to wear your Thomas shirt when we get home" to which the boy replied, no, no, no! and got very upset. He wandered off again and she said "I hope somebody takes you." She then kept telling him that he was bad and she was good over and over and over, which got the boy very upset. When he still wouldn't listen and kept fooling around she grabbed his hand and wouldn't let him go and of course, at this point, he started to cry and throw a tantrum. After about a minute of him tantruming, she smacked him on his bottom so loud it made my heart race and said "now you have something to cry about". He cried throughout the rest of their transaction and then they left. I can only imagine what happened once they got home.

[BabyHaysMama]

That poor little guy! It's so sad when parents are so out of touch with the needs of their children. My stomach gets tied up in knots when I witness situations like this one, although I haven't witnessed one in some time.

How did your DD react to it?

[GooeyRN]

yikes, a little harsh for playing with rope things. She sounds really mean. Poor kid. How did your child act after seeing that?

[WuWei]

What did you say?


Pat

[mowilli3]

I really try not to be judgemental of people that I don't know but, she sounds stupid. I don't understand threatening to wear his shirt. That doesn't make sense to me.

[CheapPearls]

Poor little guy.

Originally Posted by mowilli3

I really try not to be judgemental of people that I don't know but, she sounds stupid. I don't understand threatening to wear his shirt. That doesn't make sense to me.

Yeah that was odd but it got a response from the boy so she knew it would bother him.

[art_teachermommy]

I'm going to wear your Thomas shirt when we get home???

Who says this???

strange.

sad.

[dawn1221]

I bet she does not know any better. She needs a quick education on parenting.

Poor baby having to suffer because the parent is an idiot.

[sunnymw]

Wow... I don't know if I would have said anything, but I probably would have had to go to a different PO

ETA: or engaged the child in conversation to help distract him enough to keep him from getting in "trouble"...

[freestyler]

People like that make me so ill and so sad. What a horrible woman. There is just NO excuse for such rotten parenting. NONE.

[Fuamami]

Poor mama. She was probably really embarrassed that her child was misbehaving, and she clearly had no idea what to do. My kids always do that at the PO, and I'm always pretty embarrassed, too, though I just try not to be.

[allgirls]

[QUOTE=natensarah;10527551]Poor mama. She was probably really embarrassed that her child was misbehaving, and she clearly had no idea what to do. My kids always do that at the PO, and I'm always pretty embarrassed, too, though I just try not to be.[/QUOTE

I found parenting got a whole lot easier when I stopped being concerned about the opinions of random strangers. My worse parenting moments came when I was concerned about that..once I let that go it was so much better.

I think she sounds somewhat mean-spirited and immature. I feel really sad for that poor child

This is where I would have struck up a conversation about how "all kids do that, and isn't he cute, how old is he" and maybe smiled a bit at him, engaged him a bit depending on the situation.

[Jackielyn]

is she the mother or a sister? she sounds very immature...

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by allgirls

I found parenting got a whole lot easier when I stopped being concerned about the opinions of random strangers. My worse parenting moments came when I was concerned about that..once I let that go it was so much better.

For sure. ITA.

However, I also find it pretty easy to "let go" because my persona is pretty much accepted and approved of wherever I go (well-groomed, healthy, reasonably attractive white woman who is pretty clearly middle class). So I don't know how it would feel if you weren't approved of, if strangers regularly treated you as a second-class citizen. I see that happen around here quite a bit, especially to women who are clearly very poor or Hispanic. You might become so desperate to prove to the world that you were trying to be a good parent and control your children that you would resort to such tactics. Especially if you had never had anything better modeled for you.

I'll get off my soapbox now. I just think it's best when you see parents like this to remember that once, they were probably that child. Or maybe their moms were even worse. We can't know how far they've come, or what they struggle with. But it's never helpful to condemn them as horrible.

Originally Posted by allgirls

This is where I would have struck up a conversation about how "all kids do that, and isn't he cute, how old is he" and maybe smiled a bit at him, engaged him a bit depending on the situation.

That's awesome!

[seawind]

I was wondering what I would do in such a situation...will my saying something change this mother's heart, will she feel anger and resentment and take it out on the child later, will she just ignore me?

Sometimes, I feel EVERY parent, no matter what their background, should be made to attend a mandatory parenting class once a week. A neutral space which does not point fingers but sends out a strong message about breaking the cycle of abuse and empowering families with techniques and steps to become better parents. Some people achieve or want to achieve change on their own, but far too many need help and guidance in reaching there.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Jackielyn

is she the mother or a sister? she sounds very immature...

I wondered this too. The part about wearing his Thomas shirt sounded so much like something my older sisters would do. Also what mother would threaten to call a grandpartent to punish? I could easily see an older sister threatening to call the mother though.

[Dandelionkid]

Poor mama. She was probably really embarrassed that her child was misbehaving, and she clearly had no idea what to do. My kids always do that at the PO, and I'm always pretty embarrassed, too, though I just try not to be.

Why do we make excuses for abusive behavior when it involves children but make sure everyone knows that there are no excuses for hitting or emotionally abusing your sps.? I see where you are coming from in trying not to be judgmental of another mom but being embarrassed (if that's what she was) is no excuse for acting so abusive to her child. What she did was wrong-egging him on, making sure he knew that he was a "bad" person, telling him that he wasn't wanted, hitting him- just WRONG. I don't believe that I, or anyone else is a better person than her, just don't like seeing excuses made for abusive behavior. Her poor little guy.

[angelcat]

I think it was an older sister or cousin or something, not the mom. Especially with the comments about the party, and her being good and him not.

Not that that is ok, I just don't think it was the mom!

[snoopy5386]

It was definitely the mom, I thought at first it was a sister/cousin too, but the boy called her mom several times. I didn't say/do anything, maybe I should have, but the shaming started within less than a minute of walking in the door. My DD thankfully is too young to understand what was being said, but she did get upset/confused when the boy was crying and luckily she didn't see him get hit. I know she was embarrassed by his behavior, my DD who is not yet two was acting like a perfect angel, literally glued to my side (sooo not her normal behavior, but she was sleepy) so I know that didn't help her feel better.

[snoopy5386]

Originally Posted by natensarah

For sure. ITA.

However, I also find it pretty easy to "let go" because my persona is pretty much accepted and approved of wherever I go (well-groomed, healthy, reasonably attractive white woman who is pretty clearly middle class). So I don't know how it would feel if you weren't approved of, if strangers regularly treated you as a second-class citizen. I see that happen around here quite a bit, especially to women who are clearly very poor or Hispanic. You might become so desperate to prove to the world that you were trying to be a good parent and control your children that you would resort to such tactics. Especially if you had never had anything better modeled for you.

I'll get off my soapbox now. I just think it's best when you see parents like this to remember that once, they were probably that child. Or maybe their moms were even worse. We can't know how far they've come, or what they struggle with. But it's never helpful to condemn them as horrible.



That's awesome!

I agree with your statement, but this was a middle class white woman, and I am a child from an abusive household. I was hit, shamed, etc, etc, and I would NEVER do those things to my child even though I have the thoughts/urges when I get really angry with her. Abuse definitely is second nature when you have grown up that way, but it is possible to break the cycle.