How to stop DS from watching TV??!!

[freestyler]

My kids have swim team at an athletic facility where there are TVs in the locker rooms. We are an avidly anti-TV family. Switching to another swim team is not an option at this time, either. Well, when we get to the facility, two of my kids start practice right away, but DS's practice starts an hour later. I always tell DS, Please meet me on the pool deck with your suit on, and we can play some pool games and swim together until your practice time.

DS disappears into the locker room and STAYS THERE, watching TV for the whole hour until his practice. I sometimes yell into the locker room for him to please come out, but this has no effect. Either he doesn't come out at all, or he comes out and goes right back in when my back is turned. I am adamantly opposed to his having an hour of screen time every day---or even ANY screen time.

For those of you wishing to debate the merits of screen time, by the way, please do not bother. I am not interested in debating this or defending my position about being anti-TV. Please respect my view on this as you would accept another parent's view on something they considered unhealthy.

How can I get DS to break his screen addiction, which is what it is at this point? We have to be there for swim team, and I need to remain on site while my younger kids swim. How can I have any control over DS and his going into the locker room, when it is the men's locker room besides? But also, I do not feel I should have to "control" him! He is nearly 8 and big enough to follow simple directions ("No TV please!). What are appropriate consequences for his continued non-compliance on this issue? How do you get him to break his addiction and follow directions? What should happen to him if he continues to disobey? This has been going on for more than a year and I am at the end of my rope.

For this week, I am not letting him practice, even though I am well aware he needs the exercise. I am just sick of getting to the pool deck and NO DS! He is watching the bloody idiot box again! I also feel that the screen time very badly affects his behavior. Days when he is not exposed to TV, he is calmer at night and more settled, kinder, not on edge. He acts like himself.

Advice, please!! I'm at the end of my rope with this TV issue.

[philomom]

Can he just go dressed for swim under his clothes? Maybe he just shouldn't go in there at all. There's almost always a separate set of bathrooms near the lobby that he can use if he needs to "go".

Other than dropping swim team, this is a tough one to handle.

[freestyler]

But how do I keep him from going into the locker rooms? There is a separate bathroom, but how do I keep him out of the locker room? I'm with my two little ones---I cannot have eyes in the back of my head, KWIM? He simply is NOT listening or caring what Mom and Dad say about the whole thing, and he is just flagrantly disobeying.

[HollyBearsMom]

I am curious-how old is your son? Oops just caught that he is 8. At 8 I would be letting my son make his own descions (sp?) but that's me.

Also- Do they have a family locker room? My YMCA has 5 so we avoid the public locker rooms all together...

[allgirls]

Originally Posted by philomom

Can he just go dressed for swim under his clothes? Maybe he just shouldn't go in there at all. There's almost always a separate set of bathrooms near the lobby that he can use if he needs to "go".

Other than dropping swim team, this is a tough one to handle.

I am not anti-tv and this would bother me for the simple reason that I would have no idea what he was watching in there.

I like the idea above. He wears his swim suit under his clothes and undresses in a bathroom keeping him out of the locker room.

Or maybe there is somewhere else he can undress.

This is a tough one. Can you sit down with him and discuss this further and see if you can come up with a solution together. Sometimes you can get them to cooperate if you get them in on the solution with you.

good luck

Heck..I didn't know it was you

[allgirls]

I know..ask the Y to put on something really boring like the presidential nominations etc. and he'll get so bored he'll never go back there again.

I don't think it's addiction at this point. I think it's just a really strong urge for the forbidden which happens to be something he enjoys. So don't worry about that.

I agree, I don't think you should have to "control" him. I'm kind of stumped on this one. Trying to think of something similar I had problems with but can't.

I didn't have any boys...can you get a male worker to go in and get him for you. I would imagine that might get him moving if someone of some authority tells him his mom wants him outside.

sorry I can't be of more help.

[_betsy_]

Ask the facility to turn it off?

Embarass the heck out of by going in the men's room after him?

Embarass the heck out of by making him use the women's locker room?

Going dressed and ready for swim practice seems the best way to go, i think.

[smeisnotapirate]

If possible, I'd take him in the women's locker room with you. This seems to be an issue of trust. He's betraying your trust to be in the locker room and act responsibly, so he gets to come with you and the little kids into the women's locker room where you can supervise him. Do this for a couple weeks, then ask if he's ready for the responsibility back.

It sucks that there's even a TV in the locker room, though. Don't people have better things to do than sit in a damp locker room and watch the boob tube?

[allgirls]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

If possible, I'd take him in the women's locker room with you. This seems to be an issue of trust. He's betraying your trust to be in the locker room and act responsibly, so he gets to come with you and the little kids into the women's locker room where you can supervise him. Do this for a couple weeks, then ask if he's ready for the responsibility back.

It sucks that there's even a TV in the locker room, though. Don't people have better things to do than sit in a damp locker room and watch the boob tube?

I wonder if his age prohibits this..it's 5 at our local Y and then they have to go into the gender appropriate room.

eta...I agree..why would there even be a tv in there

Is there one in the women's locker room?

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by allgirls

I wonder if his age prohibits this..it's 5 at our local Y and then they have to go into the gender appropriate room.

eta...I agree..why would there even be a tv in there

Is there one in the women's locker room?

I'm pretty sure that if mom asked the gym manager to allow her to keep her 8yo with her because there's no male adult to supervise him, they'd be ok with it. It's one thing if daddy's there, but a totally different one to expect a kid to be in a locker room alone with strangers, IMO.

[allgirls]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

I'm pretty sure that if mom asked the gym manager to allow her to keep her 8yo with her because there's no male adult to supervise him, they'd be ok with it. It's one thing if daddy's there, but a totally different one to expect a kid to be in a locker room alone with strangers, IMO.

yeah..I agree...wow...it's so complicated. I never thought of all of that not having had boys.

[laoxinat]

Originally Posted by freestyler

We are an avidly anti-TV family.

First, a big
It seems it would be more accurate to say you are an anti-TV parent . DS is clearly not anti TV. No-TV is your value and DS does not share this value. Now, that doesn't mean he will never share this value. My DS was a TV junkie (at other people's homes) at that age and today, at 20, he rarely if ever watches TV. There's hope

Originally Posted by freestyler

I am adamantly opposed to his having an hour of screen time every day---or even ANY screen time.

I'd say this pretty much explains his obsession Kids naturally want the things that are forbidden; sugar, video games, you name it. It's their nature.

Originally Posted by freestyler

How can I get DS to break his screen addiction,

unfortunately, you can't. It's an inside job, as they say in AA. Only he can decide. This does NOT mean you should not share your concerns in a non-judgmental way. But the merest implication that his character is in question because he wants to watch will very likely alienate him from you, and then you have much less influence. If he knows about the insidious nature of adverts, bias, etc, he will hopefully make better, more informed choices.

Originally Posted by freestyler

But also, I do not feel I should have to "control" him! He is nearly 8 and big enough to follow simple directions ("No TV please!).

While I share your desire for kids not to wach TV (gah....I don't even have one) I have to say, I am willing to bet he feels controlled around this issue, which is probably why, when he can control the situation (going into a locker room you can't enter and watching TV) he does.

Originally Posted by freestyler

What are appropriate consequences for his continued non-compliance on this issue? How do you get him to break his addiction and follow directions? What should happen to him if he continues to disobey? This has been going on for more than a year and I am at the end of my rope.

Ah yes, the power struggle. And DS won. Not winning. He won. He watched TV. For a year. It really sounds to me like you need to rethink this one. It may well be that he is so focused on TV because he knows it bugs you so much. And well, cuz TV is gaaaaah

Originally Posted by freestyler

For this week, I am not letting him practice, even though I am well aware he needs the exercise. I am just sick of getting to the pool deck and NO DS! He is watching the bloody idiot box again! I also feel that the screen time very badly affects his behavior. Days when he is not exposed to TV, he is calmer at night and more settled, kinder, not on edge. He acts like himself.

I know. It sucks. They can go from so sweet and nice to uggghhhh. Also, I am not at all sure not being allowed to go to practice is punishment to him. If he doesn't particualrly like swimming, it may even feel like a reward, KWIM? Or at least 'good' in his mind.

Here's the thing- you can't MAKE him not want to watch TV. If that were possible, of course you would have done (I would because you LOVE your son and want what is best for him. The only way to stop him watching TV, short of him completely losing interest, (and, like that's happening soon ...) is not to allow him to go anywhere where there are TVs. Does he go to friends' houses? I am relatively sure you don't go with him and make sure he's not watching, right? But realistically, how else would you accomplish this goal? I am not saying let him watch TV, necessarily. Could you allow videos or movies? Maybe loosen up on them a little? I think there is danger in this situation of sending the behavior underground or sideways, into a different, more dangerous addiction.
Do you have a way of knowing what the health club plays on the locker TV? Maybe it's just sports? Just thinking out loud.
This is definitely a tough one. It sounds like you are feeling like he is being inflexible. Can you turn that around? Can you see that he might be feeling you are being inflexible? Usually the thing that is driving us nuts is because the other person is, in some way, being a mirror. I used to call DS my little Zen master
I wish I had a magic wand for ya.

[freestyler]

Ummm, all the above....good thoughts. And yes, I do NOT know what he is watching, and there is no filter on the TV, and I know from the women's locker room that just channel surfing can get you some VERY objectionable material. :And as to why there is a TV, lord knows. But it is Orange County, and there are TVs EVERYWHERE here, it is scary. People are totally disconnected and totally mainstream, and in this athletic facility there are TVs literally everywhere they can be put. Big screen TVs in the exercise/weight/treadmill room, AND individual screens with headphones on the equipment besides. Huge TV in the snack bar. TVs and computers in the teen lounge. TV at the security desk. TV/movie screen in the hall on the way in. TV that is used as THE babysitter in the babysitting room. (I have used the babysitting about 5 or 6 times, and each time I had to ask that the TV be shut off. They did turn it off, but looked very offended that I would ask such a thing, like I was asking them to unplug and do extra work.) And there are more TVs besides. Believe me, if there were another good place to swim right now, we'd be there immediately.

And it's like this all over Orange County. There are TVs in all the childcare rooms at church, TVs in all the classrooms in public schools and many private, TVs at the gas stations, TVs in every room in everyone's house, TVs in every medical waiting room and hospital, TVs in the grocery stores.....ypu get the idea. It is awful. There are three things I would eliminate from the world: war, genital mutilation or any hurting of children, and TV. Think what a better, safer, more beautiful world it would be.

More suggestions, anyone?

[laoxinat]

Originally Posted by freestyler

There are three things I would eliminate from the world: war, genital mutilation or any hurting of children, and TV. Think what a better, safer, more beautiful world it would be.

Amen to that, mama...

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by freestyler

And it's like this all over Orange County. There are TVs in all the childcare rooms at church, TVs in all the classrooms in public schools and many private, TVs at the gas stations, TVs in every room in everyone's house, TVs in every medical waiting room and hospital, TVs in the grocery stores.....ypu get the idea. It is awful.

wow! gas stations? grocery stores? child care rooms?

I would ask the front desk to turn it off. BUT I'd would say it's because you don't want him watching TV. It's because you don't want him in the locker room unsupervised because you don't know who else is in there for the hour that he's staying in there. (Honestly, that would worry me more than him watching TV.) If they balk, I'd lightly drop the words 'abuse' and 'liability'.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by laoxinat

I'd say this pretty much explains his obsession Kids naturally want the things that are forbidden; sugar, video games, you name it. It's their nature.

You know, I see this thrown around a lot, but is there really any proof of this? Eliminate TV from the home completely, develop new hobbies as a family, talk about why the family is TV-free and this obsession will wane. Check out the tv-free tribe--there are loads of stories about this phenomenon.

To scare the OP into believing that her values have created this situation is irresponsible, IMHO.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

Ask the facility to turn it off?

BIG :

If you ask around to other mothers I bet you can get many to back you up on it too. I'm not totally anti-TV, but would not be at all ok with DS watching god-only-knows-what, completely unsupervised, in a place and time set aside for exercise.

[prettymom]

I think an interesting part of this conversation is why he is watching the TV. I would submit that perhaps he is being overpowered by the TV. Yes, of course he has the power to obey and walk away, but I think it is important to recognize how hypnotic and mesmerizing TV can be with it's bright flashing lights, especially for someone who sees so little of it. Does he realize he is in there for an hour? I don't really have a solution, I just wanted to add this to the list of possible reasons WHY he watches it for you to address with him (the other ones seeming to be as a form of control, defiance, because it is forbidden).

[snoopy5386]

If he goes in to watch even though he doesn't need to get changed/use the locker room then he is being disrespectful to you. Have you tried giving him consequences for this? Such as he has to stay home from swimming or loses a privelege at home? Not very GD, but he is 8 and should know to listen to you by now.

[abi&ben'smom]

I'll have to agree with giving him consequences. He is definately old enough to listen to you. Or you can avoid the whole thing by having his swim suit on already. Our kids have swim classes tonight right after school, so to save time, I have the suits ready to put on right when they get home. Even though my dd has to wait 45 minutes before her class starts. Also, it would freak me out to have my kids in a locker room without a parent for an hour! If my son is taking too long in a public bathroom/locker room, I shout in there to ask if he is ok (if he has to poop, he can be in there for 20 minutes). Would you let him stay in that long if the classes were done, and all of you were waiting for him? (By the way, I am a tv addict and I let my kids watch tv. But that would make me really mad. I think it has more to do with him not listening to you for such a long period to time, than the tv. Wouldn't you still be mad if he was in there for an hour with maybe another swim class kids just horsing around/chasing each other/etc? I think you should focus on the 'not supervised for an hour' thing as opposed to the 'you can't watch tv' thing with him.)