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Period/Underwear ? UPDATE! post 95 - Page 2

post #21 of 113
Would brainstorming solutions to this in therapy be helpful? There might be some underlying issue that is causing her to not use pads (does she never use them or does her period start unexpectedly like it does for many teens?) or to not change them often enough to catch leaks. If she is supposed to use disposable products due to her HIV, is she putting you at risk by leaving her underwear in the hamper like that?
post #22 of 113
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fek&fuzz View Post
is she putting you at risk by leaving her underwear in the hamper like that?
In theory, yes she is, but in practice, I think the risk is pretty negligible. I just find it really gross to have bloody underwear hanging around and to have to handle bloody underwear. Menstrual blood may be the most natural thing in the world, but bloody underwear is still gross.

dm
post #23 of 113
You mentioned in an earlier post that she is in therapy already. Could this be brought up at therapy to as something to work on?

I like the idea of keeping a bucket of soapy water by her toilet so she can drop bloody underwaer into it as she takes them off. That is a good first step in solving the problem.
post #24 of 113
I had this problem with my dd once or twice. What I did was to call her downstairs immediately, hand her the underware and have her wash it out right then and there. After a couple of times of being interrupted in the middle of "doing something really important", she began to remember BEFORE I had to call her.
post #25 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by ananas View Post
It wouldn't bug me at all. I would never bring it up, either. It's such a natural thing and I'd be so embarrassed/ashamed if someone brought that up to me.

Can she do her own laundry? Or, can she at least separate it and have it ready to be washed so you can just dump it in and not have to go through it?
I've never been bothered by it either. Some girls do have very heavy periods. We;ve had to change products and experiment. Dd no longer uses cloth, fi. My children sometimes to their own laundry and sometimes dh or I do laundry. That's a good thing to teach. Very handy! lol I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, however. It's just menstrual blood.

The hiding of the undies might mean she feels embarassed or uncomfortable. But that should pass as she becomes older. I'd remind her that it's OK and natural and not to worry. I keep Spray and Wash handy.
post #26 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
I'm sorry, I don't follow this line of reasoning. You would be embarrassed and ashamed if someone tried to help you figure out the best way to handle your period and care for your clothing? It's not like I came at with an attitude of "How disgusting! Why don't you do something about this??" I used to get my period, too. I know what it's like. I have leaked before. I'd really like to help her with it, and I'd also like to help her keep her underwear from being ruined. I was kind and sensitive about it. Yeah, periods can be embarrassing when you're 13, but ... you learn how to handle it appropriately.

dm
Of course, and sometimes it takes time. Maybe when you know she is having her period you can remind her or go to her room and give her the wet or mesh bag?

Maybe I am lax, but I never thought about having dd rinse her undeies before they are washed. I usually spray them if I notice and she does too(and we also have had to toss a couple of pairs here and there...I just never thought about it). I've also hung stained clothing in the yard in the sun...and/or used oxy clean. Honestly, as heavy as her periods are, I never felt grossed out by the clothing. I would be concerned with the hiding... that's a trickier issue.
post #27 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post
I like the idea of keeping a bucket of soapy water by her toilet so she can drop bloody underwaer into it as she takes them off. That is a good first step in solving the problem.
I like that! I am going to do that.
post #28 of 113
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom View Post
I would be concerned with the hiding... that's a trickier issue.
Desta hides anything that she doesn't want to take care of: dirty dishes, dirty clothes, homework, overdue library books, things she's borrowed, etc. It's her way of handling things: out of sight, out of mind. I'm not overly worried about the psychological implications of hiding her dirty underwear, 'cause that's just her MO.

And I still think bloody underwear is gross.

dm
post #29 of 113
With the added information, I wonder, does she ned more information on what's happening? Maybe a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves, or some other book that explains the changes happening in her body?
post #30 of 113
here's what I would do...
I'd say "sweetie, I found some panties that were a little bit icky in the wash today and I almost stuck my hand right in it!!!" Then I'd say..."You know, that has happened to me too, and if you don't rinse the stain out pretty quickly, your panties will be ruined, and it's going to be up to you to buy yourself replacements" I'd let her know that accidents do happen, but that she needs to just take some responsibility to try and clean up after herself when it does. My daughters rinse theirs, and if the stain doesn't come out, they soak them in the sink, and I deal with it later...and they always tell me "mom, sorry...but there's a little present in the sink for you"....and I always retort with "Gee thanks....I'll jump right ON that one!" but at least they let me know, and they have taken some measures to remedy the situation.
post #31 of 113
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
With the added information, I wonder, does she ned more information on what's happening? Maybe a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves, or some other book that explains the changes happening in her body?
I bought her the American Girl book about bodies (I forget what it's called) and read that with her. Plus she had classes on periods and whatnot in Ethiopia. She knows what's going on.

dm
post #32 of 113
I don't sort laundry.......It all gets dumped in together and washed in cold.
post #33 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I don't think she is. But she is

Have you tried putting pads on the underwear for her- like keep a drawer full of undies with the pads in place so she doesn't have to think about it in the mornings? I also wonder if she'd benefit from wearing disposable pantyliners daily-or maybe even thin maxipads daily- this might keep her in the habit of wearing pads, and make the routine "not so much different" when she has her period.
oh I like this idea
post #34 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
...IMO, the tricky thing about this situation is that Desta is chronologically and physically 13, but mentally much younger. She just doesn't have the coping tools that a "typical" 13yo would have- and I personally suspect that part of Desta's problem is that she's just not ready to cope with puberty because of everything else she's dealt with in her life so far- losing both parents, moving halfway around the world and trying to fit into a completely new culture, all on top of her physical health issues....
: Exactly.

Ruthla, will you translate all my posts from now on? You say what I'm trying to say, only much more clearly!
post #35 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Desta has RAD. I *know* her problems weren't solved by being adopted. And I don't like bloody underwear in the laundry.

dm
Sorry- this actually made me laugh out loud. And I think it's quite reasonable. I like Ruthla's idea about pre-padding undies. No clue if it would help, but it's creative and something new to try.

Is the blood on sides/front/back from leaking pads? Or center from not wearing one when she needed one?

-Angela
post #36 of 113
Hey, kotex used to make disposable underwear to save your undies if your pad leaked, and they were slightly absorbant themselvs.....but they didn't crinkle or make noise like a diaper...very trim fit just like regular undies. I used them post partum for my first child to keep from wrecking sheets and clothing at night for a few days.
post #37 of 113
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Is the blood on sides/front/back from leaking pads? Or center from not wearing one when she needed one?
Ya know, I'm going to have to admit that I haven't examined them that closely.

dm
post #38 of 113
http://oopsdisposablepanties.com/

http://www.tagalongs.ca/Splash.aspx

http://www.underworks.com/health/460.html

These would be great to use while she's on her period, and you can wash the unsoiled ones, and toss the soiled.
post #39 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Ya know, I'm going to have to admit that I haven't examined them that closely.

dm
That might speak more to the actual issue. If she's choosing not to wear pads, that's one thing. With pads I ALWAYS leaked at night because I slept on my stomach... so there may be a specific solution for whatever the problem is. If it's leaking on the sides, she may need bigger pads or to change more often. If it's front and or back it may be positioning.

I know that problem solving with Desta is like trying to get a dog to participate in a debate... but I would try to identify the problem in order to choose a good solution. She certainly doesn't have the maturity to problem-solve this if it's beyond just not taking care of business (which it of course may well be...)



Can't blame you for not wanting to deal with bloody undies though.

-Angela
post #40 of 113
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Preteens and Teens › Period/Underwear ? UPDATE! post 95