How do you cope?

[BurtsGirl]

We've been trying for a while now and it's starting to take a toll. I feel like everything is on hold. We can't plan a vacation because what if I'm pregnant. I'm starting to really feel down and depressed and I need some ideas on coping with all the BFN's I see every month. Books recommendations. Coping exercises. Things you do, say to yourself, get or honor to make it seem not so horrible. Classes, practices, I'm open to just about anything.

Some background: We are a lesbian couple trying with frozen donor sperm. The first 3 cycles we tried at home and we're now working on our 4th IUI with an RE 7th attempt in 8 months.

[ann109]

Here's a link that was helpful for me. Poetgirl's posts helped me a lot.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=815153

The only thing I can say is to start living, even if you have to have a plan to get pregnant. Although we are not a same sex couple, we will not "fall" pregnant. It's a grand production that has yet to be successful. I spent the last two years ...not buying clothes because soon I'd wear maternity clothes....not taking vacation to save up for maternity leave....not planing that great trip because I'd be pregnant and fishing in remote Canada wouldn't work because I might have a pregnancy problem.

Finally, I just stopped. We haven't given up, we still have to plan our TTC and that's ok. But life has moved on. Sometimes I feel guilty about dropping the obsession. Like if I don't want it and obsess about it, I'm hurting our chances.

Life has gotten better and we are having more fun and it's less pressure.

I hope your road to parenthood is short

[MujerMamaMismo]

BurtsGirl
I'm so there with you. This is so so so hard and there is nothing to make it easier. I'm really not doing well this month at all.

One thing we have done now though is booked a trip to Bali in May. If I were to get pregnant, I would be 3 months pregnant at most, if I'm not pregnant then my friend who lives there is all ready to take me to some kind of fertility witch who she swears by

I really feel like my life is on hold here too but having booked our holiday at least gives us something to look forward to.

[crazyrunningmama]

I am currently reading "Conquering Infertility" by Dr. Alice Domar and I like it so far. It's about the mind/body connection and the link to infertility. Lots of good suggestions in there, being mindful, relaxation techniques, etc.

Without being obsessive, you can think of taking care of your physical and mental health as "what can I do to get pregnant".

[BurtsGirl]

Thank you all for your support and input. I'm doing a little better today that first day of AF is always hard on me.

Ann, thanks for the link over, I really enjoyed reading it and I did get a lot of comfort from it.

MMM, sister , we been at this a while, huh. I think it's great you've booked a holiday! I think we are working on something right now for May also. It's a festival so even if I'm pregnant it should be too bad.

CRM, that was exacyly the book I was looking into yesterday. Glad to have some positive feedback for it. I'm going to hit the library today to pick it up.