Originally Posted by myrmom
We will tell right away...not today cuz my SIL is in labour as we speak and today is her day...but in a couple of days and a few more tests we will tell.
We lost our first child and I couldn't imagine going through that without my friends and family support so if I were to loose a baby again I would need them to be there for me so there is no point in not telling.
I completely agree. The reason behind "not telling" (i.e. that if you miscarry, you'll have to re-tell everybody) sort of hints that miscarriage is something to keep quiet, almost something to be ashamed of.
I will admit that after my second m/c there were some people that it was difficult to "un-tell", especially people I didn't see often and would be thick enough to say (when I should have been 6-7 months along) gosh, you don't look pregnant anymore, what happened?
But for the most part, having told a lot of people that I was pregnant made it easier, not harder, afterwards. My family and friends were so, so
supportive-- phone calls, cards, care packages. It was like they were going through it with
me; if they hadn't known about/ been involved in the pregnancy, there's no way they could have been so in tune with me after. Everybody at work knew-- earlier than I would have told, probably, but I was throwing up constantly and it wasn't rocket science-- so I was able to get the time off I needed, to fly back home for a few days for some sanity-saving R&R. (Trying to go back to work and pretend everything is fine will make you crazy...) If my bosses hadn't known I was pregnant, hadn't seen me struggling with it for so long and then going through the pain of losing it, I doubt they would have worked so hard to finagle me that time off. Additionally, they cut me some slack when I *was* pregnant; it was all I could do most days just to drag my barfing self into work, much less be any good, and I called in sick at one point.
So, I'm telling right away (like this week probably):
my parents, sister, and brother
my friends back in Texas/ Vermont
Then around 8 weeks or when they figure it out, whichever comes first:
My coworkers and managers
My friends here in Virginia
After 14 weeks:
My inlaws (they don't know about the others)
My extended family