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What do you feel guilty about? - Page 3

post #41 of 56
Ooooh, I like this thread!

I feel guilty because:

I really don't like to play with my kids. I love them so much, but I don't like to play!

Some days I really don't like my dd. I am so ashamed of that.

My house is never picked up.

I don't make an effort to get out of the house, I just like to be home.

I didn't work any last year so we don't get any Earned Income Credit this year, and that is always such a huge help.

I get scared when someone gets sick in the house.

I live on chocolate... some days nothing else.

post #42 of 56
Originally Posted by riverundine View Post

letting ds watch too many dvds so i can get stuff done

not having the house as clean as i could

not having a sex drive
Originally Posted by Ish'smom View Post
not having enough patience with DS

Yelling at DS

not drinking enough water

being hard on DH
Originally Posted by matey View Post
I spend way too much time on the computer.

I forget my prenatal vitamins, and even when I remember them, I don't bother taking them out of laziness.
I hope you don't mind me quoting all of you (except I changed it to DS!)

Also I can add...

I don't take the dog for walks near as much as I'd like to

I don't study nearly as much as I would need to get a good grade and not feel stressed out (I'm a major procrastinator)

I don't eat as healthy as I'd like (although it's probably pretty healthy compared to the standard US diet!)

Hmmm...I have a lot of guilt and when I'm feeling burdened I try to list the things that are bringing me down. Then I think about what I can do about them. If I have the energy and resources, I try to fix those things. If I do not, I acknowledge that and focus on the things that I can change. Or sometimes I try to convince myself that those things that I do not do, I am not doing for some subconscious reason.

I hate guilt.
post #43 of 56
I feel guilty about not having more of a social life and sitting around at home a lot. It's not good for me, it's not good for my daughter, and my husband is really starting to get antsy.

I feel guilty about not taking more initiative and organizing social stuff myself. I just wait for it to happen. But I HATE organizing events. Blehhhh!

I feel guilty about my career being stagnant -- and likely remaining so for a long time if not forever.

I do feel that so far, I'm overall a good mom. But I'm only 3 months into this gig so I guess I have many years ahead of me for the guilt to pile up .
post #44 of 56
Hoo boy...as a single mum of of four I could make a list like this daily....
1) I feel guilty I cannot give each one of my kids true blue quality time every day. No matter how hard I try one or two seem to get a little less tiem with me depending on the day and the needs....
2) I feel guilty for drinking way too much soda and not working out in two months now.
3) I feel guilty for not being one of thsoe lovely moms who homeschools with her happy, smiling, shiny faced cherub children all lined up at a big table in the diningroom eager to learn. Some days we don't "do" school really at all. I am trying to do the whole unschool thing but consistently seond-guess myself.
4) I feel guilty that the laundry is NEVER done. Although I DO do an average of three loads a day so I am beginning to think perhaps the laundry is actually mating and thus creating MORE of itself.....maybe this one ISN'T on me....
5) I feel guilty for losing my patience at times and yelling or snapping at the kids. This is a product of my sleep deprivation.
post #45 of 56
I feel guilty about yelling at my kids and not wanting to play with them. Pretend play, that is. I love playing outside, doing crafts, playing games, doing puzzles...but as soon as the word pretend enters the conversation, I seriously get a pit in stomach and will make up any excuse after about two minutes. It wasn't always like this, of course, but 6 years into being a SAHM, I'm pretty much done with that aspect of it...

As for the yelling, yeah, definitely something I feel badly about and have to work on.
post #46 of 56
Originally Posted by MPsSweetie View Post
My house is never picked up.
Yeah...kind of drives dh crazy.

I don't make an effort to get out of the house, I just like to be home.
I know that one. Somehow, it seems really counter-intuitive that being a homebody has been a liability to me as a parent, but it has.
post #47 of 56
I really like this thread too! Maybe it will be healing for all of us.
My guilt....today.....
1.) for yelling and snapping at dd1 when I'm tired or when the person I'm really mad at is dh (This is the most guilty thing that bothers me - I'm trying to be better but fail so often!)
2.) for not marrying more consciously when it came to future parenting ideas
3.) for not holding dd2 as much as dd1 or for giving her nearly enough attention (This is number two on the guilt chart.)
4.) for wanting more babies when I feel like I can't do right by the two I have.
5.) for working and not insisting dh let me be a sahm
6.) for piling up so much debt in the first place so that being a sahm is nearly impossible anyway.
7.) for thinking of ways to get around dh's attempts at birth control so that I can have more babies (no I haven't actually done this...yet)
8.) for not being a better spiritual teacher to my dds
9.) for really deep deep down believing that I'll probably not get to home school the children like I've always been determined to do (wow that's the first time I've *said* that out loud. How sad...)
10.) for only having absolutely zero interest in sex, none, zip, zilch, "get that thing away from me" kind of lack of interest.
post #48 of 56
Mostly I feel guilty about an incident that occurred while my baby was hospitalized. I allowed three nurses to stick him 16 times in an attempt to get IV access. Looking back, I know I should have said stop *long* before that, but they were really making me feel like he was going to die without the IV meds. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I hope upon hope that he won't have any lasting emotional damage because of it. :
post #49 of 56
I hate pretend play. It give me hives

I hate being stuck at home, but finances are tough & we can't go many places

I'm not contributing to our household $$ & that really makes me feel guilty.

I feel guilty that DD4 seems to get the short end of the stick since DS2 is SO demanding.

i'm sure there's more but I can't think right now.
post #50 of 56
I feel guilty that my dd's hearing impairment most likely stems from the fact that I had an epidural.
post #51 of 56
I feel guilty about the little white lies that were slipping out.
I was hanging out with a friend who used lies as a way to try and control behaviour in her kids. It drove me crazy as it is wrong to lie to your kids, plus it didn't even work. Partly because of that and for many other uncompatable reasons we no longer hang out. It was one of those relationships where we used ot be friends pre-kids. Lost touch, bumped into each other and were happily surprised to find out each had become a mother, so lets hang out and do playdates.
Anyway, about a month after no contact, I find myself imitating her behaviour. Not sure if it is cleansing from my system or if it was a contagious kind of parenting or what.
I can see it is damaging and pointless as my mouth is spewing the crap, but the dumbest things still popped out. Like when dd would not eat any veggies for a day and only wanted bread, she would ask me why she had to have a balance in her day? I said(and please don't jump all over me for this-After I told dd that it was not true and I was very sorry. I had no idea why I said it) anyway, I said "cause your legs with turn black and fall off". That is exactly the kind of things ex-friend would say to her kids and which I disapproved of it so strongly. Thankfully I think I have this under control with only minimal trauma and damage to dds brain. Poor thing... It makes me awful though.
post #52 of 56
--giving up on EC
--leaving DC with a babysitter between 6-9months while I tried to finish school
--never getting the house clean
--not having the money to provide quality medical care for DC (state insurance sucks!)
--not having dinner ready by the time DP returns from work
--letting my parents make too many (bad) decisions for me
--having too much plastic crap in the house
--living in the city
--not composting
--not having a garden
post #53 of 56
I feel guilty that I didn't try harder at breastfeeding.
post #54 of 56
not being able to pump enough to keep up w/ ds's needs at daycare. he gets supplements every day now

letting myself get all pissy and imagining that MIL is happy i failed at nursing (absurd as i'm sure she thinks about me less than i imagine and i don't think she wanted me to fail, besides he still gets about 80% of his nutrition from me)

having both kids in daycare full time. i want to work and study but never seem to find that happy balance. i love my time away pursuing my education. it makes me a better mom but i so wish i'd gone half time instead of full while i have an infant, or at least that i'd taken off more than 2 weeks when he was born. (note i am proud of our close connection given the schedules i had to keep. brought him to school with us )

getting so wrapped up in older ds's special needs that my relationship w/ DH has gotten rocky.

wanting yet another baby


letting the stress get me so flustered that i forget things all the time

not taking better care of myself and becoming a fat grouch.

not taking care of my emotional self and having few friends which has totally shot my self esteem to hell.

letting MIL walk all over me and not insisting that she back off and butt out of my post birth experience rather than taking it all and stewing about it.

not getting enough done in a day.

taking on more than can be done in a day.

being frustrated w/ dh and ds's special needs. (last night Dh asked me tearfully if i'd ever get tired of helping him navigate social situations most 7yo's could handle. what was i to say?! )

that'll do for today
post #55 of 56
Sometimes I feel a *small* twinge of guilt when I work overtime or when I go to class/work on homework instead of spending time with the kids. Then I remember why I'm doing those things and the guilt goes away.

I really don't see the point in feeling guilty so I do the best I can to not feel that way. Guilt doesn't do any good.
post #56 of 56
- not getting a doula for her birth
- feeding her junk sometimes
- having to involve her in chores (like, hey! let's go shovel the driveway together!) since sometimes stuff has to get done and it's just the two of us... I know she'd rather be warm and inside and playing with crayons or something though.

I actually don't feel guilty at all about working, oddly enough. I did when I was with her father, but now that I'm single, I feel incredibly proud that I can support her myself and that she's thriving so well at school.
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