my son is becoming THAT kid at playgroup - Page 2

[yarngoddess]

Originally Posted by leafylady

Just tell the other moms that you can't take care of coffee and supervise your son at the same time. You are right. They'd rather have you watching your son than doing coffee.

Consider also that your son isn't ready for true group play. He might still be in parallel play mode. He needs to race around in circles or play with adults. He just isn't mature enough yet to play with other toddlers.
Kids mature at different rates.

I remember three as being the worst age with both of my kids. It did pass, but slowly...

Oh Mama! We all know how you feel, as we have all been there in one way or another! So sorry that your DS is having some cabin fever issues. I agree with the PP's about going early and letting him run, but I totally disagree with trying to get him into the preschool part. My dead to me brother was put into school early, he made the cutoff date by 1 day, one more day and he would have stayed home another year!, and he struggled with immaturity for years- both emotionally and PHYSICALLY later in his school life.

I think that you should go to the playgroup and have a parent's meeting, and tell them that you have to step down as "coffee/craft coordinator" because of the issues with your own child. I would thank them for all their patience in dealing with your son, and that you are trying to handle the situation as best as you can. I would also talk to the other "coffee mom" and see if she too needs to step down, since more responsibility will fall on her. One of the down sides of parenting a spirited child is that you often don't get to do the things that you want to, so that you are able to care for your DC. It's just one of those things that you have to do in order to care for your DC the way he needs to be cared for.

[Mama Poot]

My 2 year old (30 months) is "that kid" at daycare apparently. I'm told every day that "Its Paddy's world, we just live in it" from the ladies in his classroom. He is really a great kid IMO. He's pretty obedient for a 2 year old, loves to help clean up and put his toys away, is now 100% potty trained and very consistent, in fact I don't know when he's last had an accident. But Paddy is super-active and doesn't always want to sit at a table and "do something". He will literally run around in circles in his bedroom and playroom at home, just around and around giggling until he's worn out.
I say don't worry about what others think, and be glad your son feels free enough to be an individual. One of the daycare workers actually told me I needed to "make Paddy learn how to sit down. Make him sit in one place for so many minutes every day until he learns." I pretty much told her to bug off and that I didn't agree with her at all. Why would I want to squash my child's spirit? He'll only be this way for so long, he's got his whole life to "conform" to society.

[nichole]

What time is playgroup? My ds often gets up at 5am

I put him in gymnastics b/c I thought that would wear him out a little and get him at a group setting but it was in the afternoon and he was just too tired by then.

Also it helped to not run errands before gymnastics and serve him his favorite thing for lunch.

He does better in the mornings. My ds needs to get out and play more than once a week...outside, chuckecheese, mcdonalds playground, walk around stores, etc. If he misbehaves, we leave.

Good luck.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by jilly

I guess I could cut back on tv again. He's an early early waker, and I usually let him watch an hr of tv in the mornings so I can sleep until 5:30 or 6am. I might do that, actually.

We don't eat a lot of sugar, and almost all our foods are natural, usually home made (so not many preservatives or colours in our diet). I've already taken him off dairy, penut butter, and all really acidic foods (like strawberries and tomatos). I don't think we could bear to cut out any more foods right now.

The thing is that the other mom who shares coffee duty with me also has a spirited child, and at least one of us ends up leaving early every week . . .

In any case, thanks for all the encouragement. Maybe I'll just tell them that I can start coffee, but I can't do the craft / snack anymore because its too difficult to supervise my child at the same time. Some of them are pretty anxious about my son's behavior, so I think they would probably prefer that to being asked to help with his behavoir.

People should understand and appreciate that you need to spend 100% focus on your child. IMO, playgroups don't need to serve snacks or do crafts, etc. let someone else take that on.

I'd try to get there early and let him run out some of his energy in the gym on his own before he other kids come. Try to get him tired out. If the cars are becoming weapons and hurting other kids, don't bring the cars. Bring something soft, like a soft koosh ball or beach ball or something that won't hurt much if it hits another child intentionally or accidentally. Bring several beach balls so there are enough for several kids to play with. You may also want to bring scarves or things to play peek-a-boo or dance with. But think SOFT.

I'd also lay down some ground rules to him for playgroup. The main one being that he plays nicely and doesn't hit or push other kids. He's gentle. And if he pushes or hits on purpose he gets a warning, he apologizes to the kid and if it happens a second time you leave. I think the safety aspect is most important. Other than that, I'd let him run and jump and yell to his heart's content. Plan on you playing with him while he's there because he will need to be engaged and encouraged and supervised. Over time you may get a few minutes break but your focus should be on watching him..... it's hard to do, but necessary if he's still learning how to be gentle.

React calmly to him if he makes a mistake and remind him of the rules and hang in there... it will take patience.

[KBecks]

If you are only redirecting him 3-4 times a week, it doesn't sound that bad at all!!!! I would talk to him about being gentle and what being gentle means and what is acceptable and not. And give him lots of alternatives for things to do to redirect him to something fun and silly that lets him get his energy out. My 3 year old loves chase games.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

No ideas today.

But, I wanted to say how happy it makes other moms to know that you aren't blind to all of this. Moms get more annoyed when they think you don't notice, or don't care. But, I bet if they can see how much you want to help him be a better friend, they will help also.

Maybe you could ask the other Moms for some help with this?

I have not read the rest of the thread, but I just wanted to jump in and say "ditto" to the above. Especially about asking some other moms for help - just a couple of the ones he knows and you feel have similar parenting style to you. Kids really do often listen to someone else better than their own parents, in this kind of situation. My son is not "that kid" (yet. knock on wood.), but one of his peers is. His mom made it clear that she did not mind if a few of the other moms spoke to him - and it has worked wonders.

[lotusdebi]

Originally Posted by ckozakiewicz

We were at a playgroup recently (me and 20 month old DS) and we had several interactions that were upsetting with a 2.5 yr old little guy. He would hit and run into other children, bite and poke, but not really with malicious intent. He would look genuinely confused when the other kiddos would be hurt.
My thought about this fellow what that he had some sensory integration issues and he was sensory seeking. Kiddos like this often run into other children, squeeze or hug too hard or knock other children down to wrestle with (on) them. They don't really get how that feels to others and are just trying to engage. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so there are great resources on line. Regardless, I know how challenging it is when your kiddo is the one who is outta control at playgroup

-Clare

: Make sure it's not an issue of sensory processing disorder. Both my sons have sensory integration issues. Knowing that has really helped me to help my sons - in so many ways. It is worth looking into - just in case.

[WuWei]

Could you change the day and time to another where more of the older kids could participate? Also, if he is getting up early, could the playdate be earlier in the day? Focus on healthy snacks, no dairy or wheat, HFCS, artificial colors/flavors/preservatives. Also, consider getting your social needs met in some other way/time, so that you could be available for caregiving and supervising as needed. I get together for MNO with the Holistic Moms Network, for instance.

I just couldn't host during some tough times when ds was so sensory overloaded from the noise of crowds, sharing and a bunch of busy (or younger) children. We can do outdoors with nature and more people. Fewer people and no auditorium type environments with crowds. And sharing was challenging at age 3, at home. So, it really had to be short visits, familiar families and outside for me to get to chat at all. But, when I just focused on engaging with ds, he was able to recenter and participate much longer.


HTH, Pat

[aprilv]

Originally Posted by IdahoMom

He's getting up at 4:30 and watching cartoons? Is he sleep deprived?

When my daughter was getting up early to watch TV, we started telling her that the TV wouldn't go on until X:XX. She stopped getting up so early.

same here- once when dh ws away on a business trip for a week straight, i let ds watch tv first thing in the morning after a rough night. for several days he woke up earlier thn usual, all excited and pointing to the tv. i dragged myself out of bed early for a few days and read to him or played instead and he went back to waking up at his normal time. it may take a few days of extra work but will be worth it if he sleeps in a bit!

[kittynurse]

It sounds like a lot of the issues coincided with his friends leaving for preschool and you running the playgroup. Maybe some of the behaviour is because he has a hard time when you are busy with coffee, craft etc. How was his behaviour last year when you had more time to spend with him at the group?

I agree with the PPs that maybe you need to step down from your duties. I speak from experience - my DS was *that* kid at one point - and it took pretty much constant supervision from me in any kind of social situation.

We've worked a lot with him as well as determining that he most likely has sensory issues and he is now starting to blossom in preschool. If he does start to "act up" it tends to be when he is feeling like he needs more "mummy time".

Hang in there!