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[BirthMatters]

I'm a mom of 3 boys and we never had ultrasounds and never found out the genders. This time, I'm about 19 weeks and had some unexplained spotting, so I had an U/S. It's another boy!!!!! I was so disappointed!!! I think I need to post so I can share and give support/offer support. I was crying as if something really tragic happened. Then I felt so guilty because I was crying over the gender of my healthy baby and there are women that don't have healthy babies or any babies at all. I expect that I will come full circle and no doubt, this babe will melt our hearts like the others but....why 4 boys!!! And it's such a different adjustment in pregnancy to actually find out what you're having, it just feels odd. Much of the wonder/excitement gone. Of course, had I found out it was a girl- that would have been a different story. Oh...I just wanted a girl so badly. DH doesn't want to keep having kids- esp. no guarantee for a girl. Oh man, I need time to process this. Thanks for listening

[veganf]

Welcome!!! WOW, our lives are quite parallel, except my husband would like to keep having kids and I simply can't suffer through the hyperemesis another time...if #4 turns out to be another boy we will probably look into adopting a baby girl because I just cannot fathom not having the experiences of raising a girl too.

But the guilt I'm already feeling about not wanting another boy is insane! I LOVE my boys, but I just want at least one girl.

- Krista

[BirthMatters]

Hi! I'm keeping my : for you!

[SeekingSerenity]

My oldest step-brother had seven children, because in his family, BOYS are the rule. No one has girls, almost ever. He and his brothers all had boys, and their boys have started having boys... etc. Anyway, my oldest brother's 3rd baby was a girl, but she was born still, so they kept having and having... until after 5 boys, they finally had another girl. That isn't something most people are up for, however.

I do remember him talking to my mom about how guilty he felt when he discovered their sixth pregnancy was another boy - he said he was so disappointed he actually cried. Then he felt bad because at least the babe was healthy, unlike the one girl they'd actually conceived. So I don't think you're alone in feeling disappointment (and/or guilt) when you've had so many of one gender and really, truly, desperately long for a child of the opposite gender.

Good luck to you, mama, and congratulations on a healthy, beautiful babe...

[Lorette]

Congratulations on your 4th beautiful boy!
I can see how it would be kind of sad not to have a girl--- but try to be PROUD-- boys are great!

Lorette

[AmyC]

Oh, I'm glad you posted! I can understand your disappointment, and then your dismay about that disappointment. And then your sadness at not having another "chance."

This is only my second pregnancy, but we were surprised to find out that it's twins. At this point, we are thinking that this is it for us, that we will stop with three.

A couple of days after finding out that we're having two babies instead of one, (and hoping that we'd get a boy/girl pair which would have been a delight), we learned that our twins are identical so we'll get two of whatever flavor.

That's when I started feeling like I just couldn't handle twin girls. (I don't know why, because I seriously couldn't decide whether I'd "rather" have a girl or a boy when I thought it was a single baby. We have a daughter who is almost four, and I loved the idea of having a second girl. Maybe more than having a boy and having "one of each." But somehow, the thought of having twin girls was upsetting and I just didn't feel I could accept it.)

So, we decided we'd like to find out the gender this time (in a couple of weeks.)

I am feeling more accepting of either outcome, now (we've had 3 weeks to get used to the twin news and I'm feeling more accepting in general.) I have even had some moments of visualizing my three daughters and feeling "okay" about that....realizing that twin girls could be very nice. But honestly, I still feel a strong desire for them to be boys, and I'm nervous about how I'll feel if we discover that's just not going to be the case. I don't want to cry, to be upset, but I'll just have to be open to how I feel in the moment.

Hugs to you.

[Mom2Lex&Cay]

Congrats on your healthy babe! I haven't quite walked in your shoes, but totally understand your feelings.

My mom had 3 girls and we may very well too. Finding out tomorrow. I've had such a feeling it would be a boy I've almost gotten used to the idea, so I may be quite surprised. DH has a harder time. He adores the girls and is super with them! He isn't a real macho man's man, but would love the experience of raising a son.

I think it's a different kind of bonding (not any better just different) with a same sex child. I don't seem to feel as much of a loss over the idea of not getting to raise a boy. My dream was always to have a girl and have a sister for her, so I almost feel like our 3rd is a bonus either way. I would love for my DH to get his son and my girls are even pulling for a boy.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. I think these are totally natural emotions and you will sort them out with time.

[JennaW]

AmyC-

When I was reading your post it made me think if I were in your shoes I might be afraid that twin girls would be so close to each other that your older DD might get left out and it wouldn't be the same as having a sister-sister relationship if you were just having one baby. KWIM?

[HulaJenn]

It's nothing to be ashamed of being disappointed in one gender or the other. You know when babe is born that all that won't matter but for now it's okay to grieve in a sense. I know I really want a boy this time (I have 2 girls) and know I will be initially disappointed if it's another girl but healthy is really the most important thing.

[RainRaven]

I understand, wanting one gender over the other. I have one of each right now and do not get me wrong I love my DD but one of her is more than enough. She is such a hand full and I think our family would be far more functional with 2 boys and a girl than 2 girls and a boy.

[Mom2Lex&Cay]

Originally Posted by RainRaven

I understand, wanting one gender over the other. I have one of each right now and do not get me wrong I love my DD but one of her is more than enough. She is such a hand full and I think our family would be far more functional with 2 boys and a girl than 2 girls and a boy.

Gee, I have one of those too! DD2, phew, she is something! I just wanted to say, on the bright side, another girl may not be as much of a handful. It's a constant joke what a terror our LO is, but of course we love her dearly and appreciate the excitement and dynamic she adds to our family. My 2 girls are very different. DD1 is super relaxed, easy going, and chilled.

I used to see a boy acting up in the store and say "Oh, no way, not me! No boys!" I have realized over the years that parenting is one factor and of course personality, but boy doesn't equal instant terror. No, I was blessed with a little girl who is a sassy, rough, thrill seeking, little devil who rivals any boy. How bad can a boy be?!

[meowee]

I'll trade my girl for your boy . (J/K!) My husband really, really wanted a boy but we are having a girl! I was disappointed only because I didn't want to hear him complain. But I feel your pain.

[BirthMatters]

Thanks for all the kind words. I am getting used to the idea already. Part of the adjustment was simply the realization of actually knowing what I'm having. It seems to feels so very different than when I diodn't find out all the times before. I definitely don't regret finding out... it's just strange.
Boys ARE great and mine are best friends! They each have their own bed in a room that they share- yet they all sleep together in one twin size bed-- and of course one or more end up in bed with us! They are close as can be and I'm so thankful.
I just feel like why? Or I wish I could go back in time and chart better or something..anything! It just feels so final. But, so be it. It feels better everytime I tell someone because it IS happy news. Thanks everyone!

[veganf]

Originally Posted by BirthMatters

Thanks for all the kind words. I am getting used to the idea already. Part of the adjustment was simply the realization of actually knowing what I'm having. It seems to feels so very different than when I diodn't find out all the times before. I definitely don't regret finding out... it's just strange.
Boys ARE great and mine are best friends! They each have their own bed in a room that they share-

Sometimes I toy with the idea of finding out with this one, though I've never even had an ultrasound before while pregnant. I wonder if I'd feel disappointed after doing it no matter what the gender verdict. I do enjoy the surprise at birth so much, as does my husband and kids.

There is that little part of me that knows having a boy would be easier because we'd just be adding a 4th boy to the same room...I feel like eventually a girl would need her own room, and we're planning on an addition to our house, but the pressure would be greater with a girl. If we adopted a girl there would likely be more time.
But if I found out it was another boy then maybe we could start the adoption search now so that it would be easier to breastfeed an adopted baby. But then I'd feel guilty I think because it's like saying that boy #4 isn't good enough if we already were thinking about adding #5 before #4 was even born. Oh heck, it's driving me crazy!!

I'm glad you're already getting used to the idea of 4 boys. I hope if this ends up being another boy for us that I'll adjust quickly too.

[so_blessed]

Congratulations on your 4th boy!