Hair Help - Page 2

[QueenSheba'sMom]

Originally Posted by happyhippiemama

The pics are huge, sorry.

Okay, DD is triracial (AA/Hisp(Mex)/white) and I am white with straight-ass do-nothing-ever hair. Her hair length now is approximately:
*just-past-the-shoulders when allowed to air-dry and all springy-curly
*mid-shoulder-blade when brushed while dry (read: frizzy)
*to the small of her back when brushed straight while wet

I know logically what I'm supposed to do with her hair, but just can't do it. For example, brushing/combing her hair.

I know I'm not ever supposed to brush her hair dry, but I also can't spend upwards of an hour every single morning getting the tangles out. We have one of these brushes (DD prefers the soft side) that we use to smooth the surface hair back into a ponytail pretty much every morning. Am I destroying her hair?

When her hair is wet, I simply cannot comb it. Everyone says, use a wide-toothed comb, right? It does not work. It tugs and it hurts and it sucks. Usually what we do is this: at bathtime, with tons of conditioner gooped on and soaking in, I sit with her for over half an hour and using my fingers slowly separate out every single strand of hair from the knots they live in.

If I do this routine, and then just let her hair air-dry with a leave-in conditioner in it, it will look like this (styled with curl-rejuvenator stuff) or like this (unstyled, two years ago, and about 6 inches shorter). It will look like this for 3 hours, tops, until it starts to tangle up all over and dreadlock in the middle.

I admit to being a bad triracial-hair-doing-momma and using DP's brush to *gasp* yank the tangles out while her hair is dry, which completely frizzes her hair out to its full frizzy potential (which is damned cute, btw, but probably not the best for her hair) and leaves her looking like this (upside down, but it looks pretty much the same right-side up, anyway).

I am not skilled enough to do even relatively small braids or french braids or anything. I have tried to braid her hair back in four or five sections at the back of her head before bedtime. By morning, the ends of the braids have curled up and over the rubber bands, wormed their way into the braids proper, and begun to take root up near where the braids start at her scalp.

DD will not tolerate anything on her head at night (no scarves, covers, hats, wraps, anything). She also will not tolerate her hair down and loose, as it gets in her face all night and she can't stand it when her neck gets sweaty. We usually just pull it back in a ponytail - and end up cutting the ponytail holder out in the morning, because so many hairs curled around and under it that it's impossible to remove.

HELP!!!

Aaaak!
TOSS the brushes! Her hair shouldn't be brushed.
You can get a wide toothed comb and a comb with all different sized teeth (large to small).

First- in the bathtub- make sure that you're using shampoo & conditioner that are good for her hair (e.g. pantene contains wax, which is horrible for curls). I like the nature's gate hemp or the circle of friends. My favorite conditioner is the oyin (http://www.oyinhandmade.com). She or you can detangle in the tub without any fussing or pain.

Second, when she comes out of the tub, put something on it, e.g. coconut oil, and massage it through. Then comb it, and either put it up in a ponytail or a pigtail or braids or whatever you feel comfortable with, making sure to make your parts with the comb.

Beware that hair that is not braided will tangle quiclkly, and just about any braid will keep the hair separated and manageable.

Now, you only want to wash her hair 1-2 times a week.In the meantime, you can take it down, oil it or spray it up with greg juice or use a detangler or whatever (water, too). Comb it through well, and re "do" it.

[ajv]

carrot oil info, sorry ive been out of town

sorry i have been out of town., i get my carrot oil at texasbeautysupply.com. and i do this b/c i have not consistently lived in or near an african american community. it doesnt smell, i am the only one of my relatives who uses it, but i think the cost is prohibitive for my sister and mom...tho they take a jar of mine when they visit ( i order them 6 at a time).

i dont mean to be critical but i think the triracial mom with the beautiful daughter is trying to control her daughters head/hair ALL AT ONCE. really you have to partition her head. so if you can section off (not even with straight parts) one fifth of her hair, then then pin the rest back, comb and moisturize the 1/5 only. put hte one fifth only in a braid--no rubber bands, dont worry if it comes apart at nite. then move to the next 1/5, then the next 1/5. okay i kno her hair dries quick, but do all of this while it is wet even if you have to squirt her hair with a water bottle. do this on a weekend, while she is watching her favorite dvd (something she has seen before so she can put her head down if necessary).

having thick curly hair is very high maintenance, but such a blessing, make sure you are communicating the latter, she will be stronger if you love her hair.

hope this makes sense.

[QueenSheba'sMom]

Originally Posted by QueenSheba'sMom

Aaaak!

sorry to aak at you, by the way. you wouldn't believe the crazy head of hair my dd went to scool with today.



by the way, mamas, do you know bell hooks' book happy to be nappy?

ajv made a great point. sometimes kids grow to resent these gorgeous curls...

[happyhippiemama]

thanks for all your advice mamas!! we love happy to be nappy.

DD has been asking to cut her hair for a while now, but I'm reluctant to do it unless she really wants to and not because doing her hair is such a nightmare for all of us to do, yk? *sigh* it's just SO BEAUTIFUL.... once every ten days or so.

[QueenSheba'sMom]

Originally Posted by happyhippiemama

thanks for all your advice mamas!! we love happy to be nappy.

DD has been asking to cut her hair for a while now, but I'm reluctant to do it unless she really wants to and not because doing her hair is such a nightmare for all of us to do, yk? *sigh* it's just SO BEAUTIFUL.... once every ten days or so.

One thing that is a godsend for us is the big locker room shower at the pool. They're happy to spend all day in teh shower, so I can really get them clean, combed and product-ed

[Bad Mama Jama]

Originally Posted by QueenSheba'sMom

Beware that hair that is not braided will tangle quiclkly, and just about any braid will keep the hair separated and manageable.

You can say that again!

[Kajira]

very good advice has been given in this thread

here are my tips, moisture, moisture, moisture!!
After washing oil will lock in the moisture it's soo important to do that, to get that product on the hair asap while damp, section and comb while damp also.

Oyin, Carol's Daughter and a bunch of others all make great products (I should know I try everything I'm a product junkie) but some of the best products can be found in your kitchen/bathroom castor oil, olive oil, apple cider vinegar etc

Be willing to change products!! if you try something and it's not working move on.

Also it's important to use clarifying shampoos to get rid of the product off of the hair so it's able to accept the moisture, not everytime you wash but it needs to be added to the rotation during the month.

NO rubber bands!! Add something like these barretts are better, there are much smaller ones that you can use at the ends of hair, I find them generally at the flea market and latino markets

Cotton strips moisture out of hair, using an old play silk or a satin pillow case/bonnet for older kids will help

Oh yeah accept the frizz, it's normal after a couple of days the best you can do is refresh it with a bit of moisturizer of your choice and covering at night will help.

hope that helps

[kimiij]

Originally Posted by happyhippiemama

DD will not tolerate anything on her head at night (no scarves, covers, hats, wraps, anything). She also will not tolerate her hair down and loose, as it gets in her face all night and she can't stand it when her neck gets sweaty. We usually just pull it back in a ponytail - and end up cutting the ponytail holder out in the morning, because so many hairs curled around and under it that it's impossible to remove.

HELP!!!

Try putting her hair into three to four large braids or twists and then pinning them together at nighttime.

[LaffNowCryLater]

Originally Posted by LaffNowCryLater

I have two sample kits on their way to my house.
One is from www.oyinhandmade.com
and the other is from www.curls.biz (I ordered the kids line, but when I have the baby I want to try their organic baby line).

Anyways, I rarely rarely ever shampoo. Then I put a generous amount of conditioner in her hair and comb it in with a wide toothed comb and let it sit for a while while she plays in the tub. Then I rinse it out and comb it again. When its still wet a little I add some creamy leave-in conditioner and scrunch her curls.

Sometimes I 'wash' it but skip the shampoo part.

Update now that I have tried both products.

The CurlyQ's stuff works far better in my dd's hair- I think b/c it is specifically formulated for biracial hair. The Oyin would be better for someone who has more coarser hair or kinkier hair, on my dd it just looks weighed down and greasy.

[mom2tatum]

yeah, ya know, I actually only put oyin product into the back of ds' hair (coarse, kinky, super curly, sometimes frizzy, etc.) since the front/top is almost straight and fine, with a little wave - it'd just make that part look greasy.

I wish curly q product was also made for boys because I like the sounds of some of those products and how they classify by hair type. I don't think he needs to look/smell any more like a girl though (people ALWAYS refer to him as her or she or ask if he's a girl or boy) ugh. Although, now I see some ingredients on their lists that don't seem very natural or even healthy for hair...and it makes me wonder if the company is just trying to grab more clients (like us) by using product descriptions like "organic" and "natural", etc. Hmmm.

[QueenSheba'sMom]

Which oyin products are too heavy for your kids?

it seems to me that they cover a wide spectrum. I (white, straight/wavy/collicky hair) use the conditioner and the pommade myself, and the greg juice is really light. But the burnt sugar only really works for my daughter with the coursest hair and my husband.

[mom2tatum]

I agree with you on the oyin products you mentioned, but I can't even get to many spritzes of the greg juice towards the front of ds' hair or it gets a greasy look and feel to it. But its much safer to use than anything else, because if the burnt sugar pomade touched his hair up front, forget it. We'd have to wash again. I also love the conditioner.

[Leatherette]

My daughter is AA, not biracial, but we have had great success with products from Cornrows and Co. They have a website.

For beads/barrettes/snaps, I just found a great new website called Snapaholics.com. Haven't bought from them yet, but it looks good.

And we only wash hair once a week.....

L.

[LaffNowCryLater]

ALL of the stuff in the Oyin hair sample kit were way too heavy for my dd's hair. Even the conditioner (thoroughly rinsed out) left a greasy residue. When I sprayed her hair with the greg juice it makes her hair matted and tangly and it left my hands feeling dried out from scrunching her hair.

The Curly Q's don't really smell that string, you could try the baby line though.
Its not as all natural as I would like but its way better than the typical hair products I use and it works a lot better for her than Oyin. I really really wanted to like the Oyin stuff too b/c its more all natural but I wouldn't buy it again.

[mom2tatum]

Hey everyone! I found a great book at the library yesterday...just happened to see it sitting on the shelf and thought of a few of you ladies on here with daughters and hair issues...Its called, "I love my hair" Check it out!

[MimiB]

Originally Posted by ajv

first, you know to only shampoo once a week right? then try organic root stimulator carrot oil. use it as a leave in conditioner. you can get it online at texas beauty supply. anyway, after shampooing her hair rinse but dont towel dry, add generous amounts of carrot oil, partition her head in to 4 or 5 sections, doing one section at a time just twist with two strands of hair. let air dry. if she cant sit still for this long then try three braids, till she gets used to the ritual, add additional braids each time you redo her hair.

you can use the carrot oil as a leave in conditioner when ever you comb her hair. combing hair can be such a nuturing ritual between mothers and daughters. i hope this makes sense.

This advice is PERFECT. I'd add a couple of other things.
* I saw that you're in Buffalo so you should be able to go to a black hair care salon and get some products...and advice if you need it. Most of it is natural. Avoid stuff for chemically straightened hair b/c that tends to have more products that necessary.
* You basically want a cream-based leave in product. I've even used Keri Lotion in my own hair as a pinch.
* After shampooing and conditioning in the shower, don't let her hair get too dry before lathering on the hair cream. Following AJV's advice about partitioning her hair into sections, don't let the uncreamed sections get too dry before you get to them...you could twist them up or do one fat braid until you get to them.
* Don't use a comb or pick at first - until she gets used to it - b/c the pulling might hurt her and make her not want to sit through it. Put the cream through her hair and work it through with your fingers.
* Untangle the curls from the bottom and work your way up...NOT the other way around. LOL And, put cream on your fingers as you do this to make it easier.
* Totally agree with AJV about making this a special mom/daughter time. I remember sitting between my mom's legs while she did my hair and that's when we would talk/laugh/sing/share secrets.

HTH

[MimiB]

Originally Posted by grumpybear

Hello,
I am not very well experienced in curls as I have super straight hair but I've read in various books and articles that dry hair and skin could be a symptom of omega-3/essential fatty acids deficiency. So maybe you'd want to look into that as well?
HTH

I know Grumpy Bear is trying to be helpful but I would caution the OP on this kind of suggestion. I highly doubt there is any actual deficiency. We just have curly hair and curly hair tends to be more porous and therefore more dry. I would just worry about letting the little ones think there is something wrong or deficient with them or their hair. Hair, in the black community - and often more so with mixed kids - is one of those things that can really affect some kids' (and later, women's) self-esteem.

Black/mixed hair is not something to be "dealt" with and shouldn't be dreaded (ha ha - no pun intended). Yes, it can be difficult to learn how to work black hair especially if that's not the kind of hair you have. For example, I'm just used to my hair and I know how to take care of it and I'm efficient at it. I couldn't IMAGINE trying to work straight hair or going through what some of my white friends do with their hair on a daily basis. It's just a matter of getting the hang of it and help her to love her hair. You're doing great so far asking for help and you're getting good advice.

[hottmama]

I use almond oil on my biracial toddler's hair, and it works pretty well.

[cyndimo]

Piggy-backing to add a few questions...

I'm trying to find the right product(s) to use with my DS's hair.
He's 2.5yo and "full" AA (for lack of a better term - both of his bio parents identify as AA.) His hair is very course and we keep it short, but also want to keep it well moisturized.
I've not been happy with most of the products I've tried from mainstream stores. The smell of Just For Me was waaaaay to girl-y and strong. The Africa's Best Organics line for kids was less strong smelling, but didn't really work that well for DS. Also, it seems that the "Organic" lines I've found don't actually contain organically grown ingredients and have a lot of petroleum-based products and other yicky stuff. (Makes me wonder how they can be called "organic"?)
Along those lines, we have been using Kaza's Indian Hemp product. It's first ingredient is petroleum and the second is parafin wax. I really liked it for the first jar, but into the second I'm finding that DS's hair is really waxy and not as soft. No change in washing (1-3x/week). The barber suggested Organic Root's Olive Oil, but looking at the ingredients I have the same questions about the "organic" name.

Which brings me to...
1. Homemade hair treatments...
I've heard about people using Coconut oil, olive oil or other "cooking" oils - do you just use stuff you find in the cooking section of whole foods? For coconut oil - refined or unrefined? I saw a coconut oil designed for hair and skin, but it said t heat it first - that seems like too many steps, too far away from where we're combing hair... how much oil? I have used shea butter, but found it hard to work with and DS's hair and everything he touched were oily.
Any other suggestions of stuff I can make at home with ingredients I like better than the off-the-shelf products?
2. I saw a line in a natural store called Jane Carter Solution. Any experience with this line? I'm also interested in the Olin products that have been mentioned in this thread, but I'm an instant gratification kinda gal and prefer to purchase locally and try out my haul right away.
3. Any shampoo suggestions? I've been using CA Baby, which I like, but might not be the best for DS's hair.

Thanks so much!!!
- Cyndi

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by cyndimo

I'm trying to find the right product(s) to use with my DS's hair.
He's 2.5yo and "full" AA (for lack of a better term - both of his bio parents identify as AA.) His hair is very course and we keep it short, but also want to keep it well moisturized.
I've not been happy with most of the products I've tried from mainstream stores. The smell of Just For Me was waaaaay to girl-y and strong. The Africa's Best Organics line for kids was less strong smelling, but didn't really work that well for DS. Also, it seems that the "Organic" lines I've found don't actually contain organically grown ingredients and have a lot of petroleum-based products and other yicky stuff. (Makes me wonder how they can be called "organic"?)
Along those lines, we have been using Kaza's Indian Hemp product. It's first ingredient is petroleum and the second is parafin wax. I really liked it for the first jar, but into the second I'm finding that DS's hair is really waxy and not as soft. No change in washing (1-3x/week). The barber suggested Organic Root's Olive Oil, but looking at the ingredients I have the same questions about the "organic" name.

Which brings me to...
1. Homemade hair treatments...
I've heard about people using Coconut oil, olive oil or other "cooking" oils - do you just use stuff you find in the cooking section of whole foods? For coconut oil - refined or unrefined? I saw a coconut oil designed for hair and skin, but it said t heat it first - that seems like too many steps, too far away from where we're combing hair... how much oil? I have used shea butter, but found it hard to work with and DS's hair and everything he touched were oily.
Any other suggestions of stuff I can make at home with ingredients I like better than the off-the-shelf products?
2. I saw a line in a natural store called Jane Carter Solution. Any experience with this line? I'm also interested in the Olin products that have been mentioned in this thread, but I'm an instant gratification kinda gal and prefer to purchase locally and try out my haul right away.
3. Any shampoo suggestions? I've been using CA Baby, which I like, but might not be the best for DS's hair.

Thanks so much!!!
- Cyndi

I use coconut oil straight from the jar on my hair. It melts very quickly, so I take a glob, run it in my palms and apply it, lightly to my hair. If my hair is extra dry, I will use olive oil. I sometimes use shea butter but only after melting it over heat. If I have extra time, I might make a mixture by melting any of the above, put drop of bergamont oil in and use it once or twice a week.

I would suggest trying oyinhandmade products. I know you like instant gratification but their stuff is so worth the wait.