Daycare provider does time-outs

[Snuzzmom]

Yesterday when I went to pick up my baby, I noticed that one of his little playmates (she's around 19 months, I think) sitting in a high chair, and the other children were being discouraged from talking to her. Our daycare woman said that she was in the "time-out chair." I am not sure what the little girl did, but it doesn't really matter.

What can I do to discourage this? I want to ask her not to put my baby in there (when he's older), but it really isn't my place to tell her how to discipline the other children.

The only thing I can think of do to is that if he does something "bad" and she wants to give him a time-out, to sit WITH him for a minute instead, and then let me deal with it later (by talking about it with him, trying to figure out what happened)? That really isn't fair to the other kids, though... she has about eight and she usually has one or two other people helping, but still. It will seem really unfair to the other kids if they have to do time-outs, and my son does not.

I don't know. The only other thing I can think of is just to have her tell me when she does it, and then talk to him about it at home. But if she does that to him at 19 months, I don't think he's going to understand what is going on at all.

Bah! Help!!! Any suggestions, here? I'd like to have a plan in place before I actually have to deal with this.

[DevaMajka]

I would not not not allow anyone to put my ds in a (punitive) time out. I think you have every right to refuse to allow her to put your ds in time out. (though sitting with an out of control child would be just fine in my book)
Perhaps if you give her some simple ideas to discipline your ds (redirect, give information, insist) she might see that those work as well as, or better than, time outs, and start using them instead of TO's at least some of the time.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I think you are right to address this only for your child -- you don't know what the other child's parents directions for their child is, and its really not any of your business (beyond making sure that your child isn't exposed to seeing something such as hitting). That said, you need to ask now (before your child is of an age for discipline) what her policies are. If she is insistant that she will use her methods on all the kids in her care, then you need to make sure you can live with them. Personally, I wouldn't be happy if she thought that a 19 mo. old was old enough for a time-out, and I really wouldn't be happy with the association between high-chair and time out.

If she is open to following your lead, then you can give her very specific instructions about what you want and when. If she's not, then you need to get very specific with her about what she does.

All of that said though, with little kids, discipline after the fact is pretty useless. They just don't have the memory to deal with something that happened at 9 AM at the end of the day, YK? So you need to have a good enough relationship with the provider that she can work with issues as they come up, not waiting for you at the end of the day.

I think its also important to realize that you may need to compromise on your preferances in some area to deal with a DCP. Unless you can afford a nanny that will do exactly as you wish with only your child, chances are that you will have to compromise on something -- food, discipline, amount of holding, naps, SOMETHING won't be just as you want. And some things do need to change when you are dealing with 10 kids rather than 1. Its sort of the nature of group care. You need to find out what the DCP will compromise on, what you can live with, and whether that is a "good enough" fit for you.

[rabbitmum]

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy

I would not not not allow anyone to put my ds in a (punitive) time out. I think you have every right to refuse to allow her to put your ds in time out. (though sitting with an out of control child would be just fine in my book)
Perhaps if you give her some simple ideas to discipline your ds (redirect, give information, insist) she might see that those work as well as, or better than, time outs, and start using them instead of TO's at least some of the time.

:

I wouldn't want my son to witness other children be put in time-out either. Asking the other children not to talk to her - that's just mean! I don't see why they think it's necessary to punish the children at all. I hope you can manage to minimise the use of time-out and avoid it being used on your son altogether. Good luck

[Snuzzmom]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

All of that said though, with little kids, I think its also important to realize that you may need to compromise on your preferances in some area to deal with a DCP. Unless you can afford a nanny that will do exactly as you wish with only your child, chances are that you will have to compromise on something -- food, discipline, amount of holding, naps, SOMETHING won't be just as you want. And some things do need to change when you are dealing with 10 kids rather than 1. Its sort of the nature of group care. You need to find out what the DCP will compromise on, what you can live with, and whether that is a "good enough" fit for you.

Yes, I am aware of that. We didn't just start daycare. We have already had to compromise far more than I'd like, but having a DCP is the reality of our situation, so... there you go. I don't want to compromise on an issue that can be detrimental to my son's self-esteem, though. And I have to say that it might matter to me what *why* she was giving a time-out... I'm not really okay with it in any circumstance, but I could understand it a lot more from her POV if she did it because he hurt another child as opposed to him just running around and acting like a toddler.

I think I may just have to be firm but polite and say something like, "Hey, if Ivan does something that would normally land him in the time-out chair, could you please just take him in the other room and talk to him about the situation instead? We are not using time-outs as punishment." Or something that just cuts to the chase.

She is a loving woman and a former pediatric nurse, but a lot of her ideas are pretty old-school.

[mamaduck]

I would inquire, formally, into what her discipline policy is. Based on what you have said about her, I imagine she has some clear-cut opinions and methods. I'm sure she is accustomed to answering questions about discipline when she is interviewed by prospective parents. It should not be a big deal for her to answer your questions. You need more information though, before your son gets older.

[Datura]

We do "time-ins", where we sit down with him, away from the situation and discuss it. When this was explained to the daycare they were on board. All they have to change is sitting him down in a lap rather than a chair and it got a much better reaction. We had one moronic girl come in on her first or second day and put my ds in an unnecessary, unwarranted time out that had him in hysterics. I ripped her a new one when I walked in on the confrontation. Everyone else knew him and how to deal with him and knew that he didn't get into trouble.

[MtBikeLover]

I had to deal with this at my DS's preschool. I witnessed them doing a timeout on a child and I very clearly stated to one of the teachers that we do not do timeouts with our son and I did not want him to be put in a timeout at school. I explained to her why and how we deal with him and she was very understanding and said no problem. I did reiterate it at the parent teacher conference to both the teachers.

I can't prevent them from doing timeouts with other kids though and to be honest, I don't feel that is my place to tell them that. Maybe another parent has requested that they deal with them that way?

I would just make your position on timeouts very clear to them so that there is no misunderstanding and they know that you are opposed to this type of discipline with your child.

[wednesday]

I think you can certainly bring it up. My son's preschool, and his former home daycare provider before that, both follow the parent's preference on discipline techniques. Some parents WANT the provider to do time-out because they use it at home. In both settings I was reassured that they do not use time-out as a matter of course, only if the parent has requested them to do it for the sake of consistency.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy

I would not not not allow anyone to put my ds in a (punitive) time out. I think you have every right to refuse to allow her to put your ds in time out. (though sitting with an out of control child would be just fine in my book)
Perhaps if you give her some simple ideas to discipline your ds (redirect, give information, insist) she might see that those work as well as, or better than, time outs, and start using them instead of TO's at least some of the time.

:

[Snuzzmom]

Thanks, all. You know, looking back, I did ask about discipline policies back in Jan 2007, a few months before he actually started going to daycare (in April) and she did say she uses time-outs. At the time I didn't know about GD, so that sounded okay with me.

I will just have to talk to her up front. I'm sure if I explain the concept of a "time-in," she will give it a shot. She wasn't too sure about baby signing, either, until my baby did it with her and made her life easier. I think she will be receptive.

[One_Girl]

I think that if her philosophy is so far away from yours then you should not have your child there. I would never put my child in daycare where they use time-outs with children at all much less children this age. Children this age need redirection and they need to be told what they can do. Time-outs tend to be punitive and they don't give children any information about what to do. The fact that she uses them with babies should be a big huge red flag. There are many really great daycare centers who do not use time-out and who's ratios are lower. If you can get one that follows NAEYC guidelines the ratio is also lower for children this age fi they follow those guidelines and they don't use time-out. They also tend to offer more exploration and opportunities for children to learn from their environment than do other daycares. If she has to many children to teach appropriate behavior to than I think you should find someone who doesn't.