is there a gentle way...

[indeospero]

...to say, "Stop asking me questions right now, for the love of Pete, before my head explodes into 5 million pieces"?

My dd, about 2.75, is heavily into the questions, questions, questions, why, why, why phase. It's generally fine, of course, and I do my best to give her brief but meaningful answers. The inquisitiveness is really wonderful to see, actually, and I can tell her little brain is working hard, trying to put together the details of her world.

BUT. I am 30 weeks pregnant, and I've been having some iron deficiency issues that sometimes strike very hard. I have episodes in which I get intensely irritable, foggy-headed, headachy, short of breath, and generally unwell. (Now that I know the cause, the situation is rapidly improving, with supplementation.) It's in these moments that she tends to get particularly non-stop with the questions, usually as I am trying to get a drink, or prepare a snack, or grab for the Floradix to bring myself around. "What are you doing, mama? What's that? Why are you putting that in there? Why is that tablet green? Why are you using the big spoon? Can I have a sip of that drink? What's that sound outside?" etc. etc. And I just cannot handle it right then. I really do feel like my head will explode.

Other times, we're cooking together (dd is almost never *not* by my side in the kitchen), and, for a few minutes, things get intense: 3 things on the stove, something just about to come out of the oven, and a salad that needs to be dressed, all at once, for example. It's brief, but there are such moments almost daily, maybe 5 minutes long (no doubt exacerbated by the smallness and poor design of my kitchen ), and this is another time when dd seems to ask even more questions than usual. It's absolutely nonstop, just when I'm juggling 25 hot dishes and trying to gently remind her to stop grabbing the sharp knives.

OK, so my question is, is there a gentle way that I could convey to her in such moments that maybe the barrage of questions isn't awesome *right* now? I've tried saying things like, "Love, Mama's really overwhelmed right now/not feeling very well right now, and it's really hard for me to answer questions. Let's just both be quiet for a couple of minutes." But she really doesn't seem to get that, or doesn't respond to it, anyway.

I don't want to squelch her chattiness or her curiosity, but there are times when I just can't deal with the nonstop questioning and just need a couple of minutes to concentrate, or to meet my own needs.

Help?

[LilyGrace]

What about "I need a time out right now." - set a timer, put on headphones, and spend a few minutes listening to a song. Or "busy hands working!" That's usually a gentle reminder to mine that when they see both my hands involved with something, my mind can't be spared. It's either one or the other. We try to focus a little on not interrupting work, but waiting until the person is done.

[moondiapers]

It depends on the questions....if they are questions she knows the answer to allready and I'm getting the impression that she just wants to hear herself talk....my answers change to "why not?" when she asks "why?"

[allgirls]

2 different things.

Start a dialogue about patience. Just tell them once that they have to be "patient" and that will get it started. "what is patience?" Then practice patience. Sometimes we have to be patience and wait our turn. In line somewhere "we just have to be patient because there is a big line" etc. etc. Talk about and practice patience patience patience.

Also respond to the question with a question of your own..turn it back on them especially if it's a question you have answered before or if you think they already know.

"why is that tablet green?" "why do you think it's green?" this gets them thinking and sometimes they will know, sometimes they will guess and sometimes they will say "I don't know" but what it does is get them from asking the immediate next question.

That's what I do and it really seems to help.

Good luck

[nathansmum]

Originally Posted by allgirls

"why is that tablet green" "why do you think it's green" this gets them thinking and sometimes they will know, sometimes tehy will guess and sometimes they will say I don't know but what it does it sget them from asking the immediate next question.

Yep, I did a lot of this (dd is yet to really ask questions since she's a bit speech delayed), but with ds I would bounce back the question to him so it wasn't just me talking.

[lexbeach]

Hi Meg

I also do what previous posters have said and throw the questions back at the kiddo, "What do YOU think?" Often the many, many, many questions come because kids are wanting the grown-up to confirm what they already know/suspect. But at times when we're just not up to the task of explaining our every move, the kids can get the same confirmation from explaining their thoughts and getting a quick "that's exactly right" response from the grown-up.

I remember one time pre-kids when I was a nanny for a family, and at the time the littlest was newly 3, and her big sister was 7. The little one was asking me question upon question along the lines of "why is the sky blue?" I was racking my brain and trying to remember details from biology classes and also adding in a bit of my own speculation . . . over and over again . . . and big sister interrupted me and said, "Lex? Umm, sometimes the answer is just, 'because no one really knows why.'" It had never occurred to me that I could *not* answer the questions, or that a non-answer would suffice. It turned out that this phrase "because no one really knows why," was kind of a code for the little one that meant "enough questions right now."

Perhaps you and Aviva could develop some sort of a code word to be used in situations where you just need a break from the endless answering. While I've never tried it for this particular circumstance, I do have code words with my guys for other situations, like "ladybug" means "this is a really important phone call and I can't talk to you right this moment." Something about the code word makes the rejection easier to take because it's like we're playing a game or something. I always let the kids pick what the code word should be for the situation, so maybe they feel like they have more control when I use it. Aviva may still be a little young for this strategy, but it might be something to try.

Hope we get to see you guys soon!

Lex