did i handle this ok?

[Barbee]

my ds has been throwing things on the floor at his grandma's house lately. he knocks over tv trays and whatever he can get his hands on. lastnight, he threw her food on the floor, breaking a bowl in the process. i set him on the couch next to his dad and cleaned it up and then told him afterward to never throw things on the floor. about a half an hour later, he threw a glass onto the floor and broke it into a million pieces. i was mad, but didn't yell. i told him that i was mad though and again put him on the couch next to his dad while i cleaned up glass and water. i also took away his frog toy and told him that he could get it back in the morning. he cried. i didn't reason with him. after he calmed down a bit, i asked him why hubert (his frog's name) was in a time out. he said that it was because he threw a glass. today, he got his frog back. did i handle this ok?

[alegna]

IMO the frog was a random punishment. I wouldn't have done it.

The problem seems that he is not ready for breakable dishes. I see that as my responsibility as a parent. If I know that my child is at a stage where they throw things, I don't give them things that will break or make a huge mess if thrown.

-Angela

[Barbee]

i understand your point. but, what do i do and grandma's house. the glass was just random, it could have easily been the lamp. i can't exactly rearrange her house or decide not to visit her. also, how can i enforce an appropriate consequence here? i'm totally confused.
oh.. and the glass was on the table next to the couch. it wasn't his.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by Barbee

i understand your point. but, what do i do and grandma's house. the glass was just random, it could have easily been the lamp. i can't exactly rearrange her house or decide not to visit her. also, how can i enforce an appropriate consequence here? i'm totally confused.
oh.. and the glass was on the table next to the couch. it wasn't his.

At that age, when they're impulsive, IMO the only thing to do is follow and watch them like a hawk. The impulse control is still developing. They can't be trusted to always make excellent choices. You wouldn't let a 15 mo old walk around and grab glasses off the table. Sometimes they're no better at 2.5yrs.

The consequence was that there was a mess and an inconvenience and people's feelings were hurt that things were broken. The frog was a punishment, not a consequence.



-Angela

[Barbee]

that makes more sense to me now. i guess you're right. we've sort of let our guard down around him because we expect him to be more mature than he really is. thank you for your help on this.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by Barbee

that makes more sense to me now. i guess you're right. we've sort of let our guard down around him because we expect him to be more mature than he really is. thank you for your help on this.

It's hard, because they seem SO much older and more grown up... it's so easy to forget how young they really are.



-Angela

[Susan Kunkel]

I would have him help to clean up the mess. I would also ask Grandma if she had any unbreakable dishes for him to use. Also find something soft for him to throw and a place for him to throw.
Susan

[Breeder]

I would have had him clean up the LIQUID mess after I made absolutely sure that all the glass was gone (if that's even possible) and then I would have explained that throwing the glass caused it to break. He wouldn't like it if someone threw his things and they were broken, so he should be careful with other people's things. I'd also highlight that broken glass can hurt people.

He's two and a half, he's still very VERY little. But you can begin teaching the 'golden rule' this young. Just remember you have to teach it over and over and over.

On the upside, he was able to remember his mistake later when you asked him.

[Limabean1975]

We've lost a few dishes lately too. I went back to serving DS on unbreakables till I feel the phase has passed. If I am at someone else's house, I'll ask if they have a tupperware dish or similar for him to eat from....and shadow him like crazy if their house is not childproof.
I also show him things that are okay to throw, and sometimes when I do that, he will go through a whole collection of items asking me if he can throw them - which I think helps him see the characteristics of "throwable" vs "not throwable" (soft vs hard).

[Barbee]

yeah, there were way too many tiny shards of glass to pick up for ds to help me, but i get the point. in retrospect, i felt inner pressure to "do something" hence the frog time out to sort of save face in front of my mil. she's really very supportive and i really look up to her, so i don't want to appear incompetent. this is a totally new realization. anyway... acting up is much easier dealt with when i don't have an audience. i have to remind myself when ds is throwing tantrums in public (which has only happened a few times actually) that the opinions of others don't really matter as much as my ds's well being. so "saving face" is something i have to really put out of my mind.
i've learned so much from you mamas. thank you!