Just can't keep going on like this...

[indigo_sue]

I've recently moved cities to be closer to my family, and our son started daycare this month. I have been diagnosed with PPD but for the past few months things were going fairly well... or at least, I was ignoring the PPD and just bugging out with the stress of moving and having not enough money.

Right now I'm on my sixth day of being at home with a sick baby who just whines and moans and mopes all day, and I can't do anything to get him to just.shut.up for ten minutes. I'm nursing around the clock, trying to keep the house from becoming an absolute deathtrap, and worrying constantly about money. I just left my son in our bedroom (safe place) because I needed a few minutes away from him, but I can hear him crying his head off because he's alone. I've never let him cry like this before and it's killing me, but I just need to reach out and I can't type while holding him!

I feel like it's a short step until I can't control my anger anymore. My DH has been brilliantly supportive and does everything he can, which is a LOT, and this just makes me feel worse because I feel like I should be able to handle things a lot better. Why isn't he breaking down into tears? I feel incompetent and weak a lot of the time, like I'm not living up to the task of being a mother.

This sucks. And of course because I've moved, and my PPD shrink didn't know anyone in my new city to refer me to, now I have no one to turn to. My parents and in-laws are all much closer now but I feel like if I tell them what's going on, they're going to judge me and be disappointed that I can't just suck it up and deal with my responsibilities.

This feels awful.

[homeschoolingmama]

Oh hun..I know how it feels to have a sick little one. My family was sick for like a month and by the end I was crying constantly and feeling completely overwhelmed. My house fell apart and I felt like I was going to lose it. You sound like you need a big hug and some time alone. Can someone take over for you for even an hr so you can get some much needed downtime? You are a stronger person if you ask for help instead of not. I hope that you can find someone to talk to because we all need it. I can be a sounding board through PM if you want to. Then I can turn to you when I need it.
I think we all feel this way at times. I hope you find some calm hon.

[Surfacing]

Please don't feel bad because you had to put your baby down to get a break from the crying so you could get ahold of yourself. It's much better to do that than to lose control and shake him, yk? I have had to do that in the past. The wise thing is that you put him in a safe place, and then went to get ahold of yourself. This is the recommended thing to do when you feel like you are losing it.

You have a lot of stressors in your life right now (the move, new baby, feeling somewhat isolated). Can you get out and see some new faces? Meet with old friends? Just get out for a change of scenery? Get some fresh air and sunshine? Meet with your parents even if it's not to discuss your stresses but to do something that you enjoy with them? I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed right now. Is your dh someone you can talk to?

FWIW, I often notice that just when things seem to be so overwhelming and unbearable, something changes, and there's a lightening. Usually these things fluctuate, it won't stay this way forever. It will pass.

[zipworth]

indigo,

Can you post in finding your tribe for a good shrink in your new city? I think that should be a priority, just so you have some professional support. Ask someone in your tribal area if they know of any good shrinks. Also, if there is a children's hospital in your area, sometimes if they have a maternity ward, they also have a women's mental health clinic attached, that have professionals that specailize in PPD.

Maybe your husband could talk to your family? You may be surprised at how supportive they are. Or even ask if they could take your child/children on a little outing once a week so that you have a break to look forward to?

Sending you thoughts of happiness and peace.

[S.Lee]

Just wanted to send a hug. And you are smart for taking a break.

[2crazykids]

Bundle up that baby and take a walk outside! Get some fresh air, get a cup of coffee, walk around, skip, shout, enjoy life!

This too shall pass and I have been exactly where you are right now, just double that with a 11 month old and a newborn with NO FAMILY around at all! It sucks!

I HAD to get out of the house and see some other humans that did not wear diapers!

You must set up some time for yourself out of the house and away from all house, work, and family responsibilities at least 2 hours a week. I used to go swim and sit in a hot tub reading a book for 2 hours every saturday morning at the community center, when I had two infants...if I didn't get that time...I don't even want to think about how bad things may have gone...

Good luck mama, you'll get through this~