Post Partum OCD

[mama_says_riot]

I suffered in silence with crippling Antenatal depression. When my son was born I had some intrusive thoughts, but I could deal with them. It got to the point that at 12 weeks I gave up breastfeeding (which was the saddest thing for me) and started taking my Xanax and Wellbutrin (which is what I was prescribed before conceiving Gabriel for a pre-existing anxiety disorder).....

The medications help tremendously.. Well, the Xanax does.. I had to stop taking my Wellbutrin because it began to make me angry and irritable to the point that i wanted to hurt people and everyone got on my nerves.

My mother passed away unexpectedly on Thanksgiving. She was my very best frend in the entire universe. i saw her 5 times a week, my kids were close to her, we talked on the phone daily... She was everything top me.. Anywyas, so she had a stroke, and passed away 4 days later on Thanksgiving, then she was burried on her birthday (November 28th)... she would have been 57 years old. Ever since she passed away, the intrusive thoughts and racing insanity has gotten worse... I can't stop or shut up my brain... I have been to the psych ward TWICE since she died and they won't help me... All they did was prescribed more pill that don't help.

The one doctor prescribed mye Effexor XR with Klonopin. I'm afraid to take the Effexor ebcause I have seen online petitions about how horrible and dangerous it is... so I don't know if I want to take it.. Can anyone tell me anything positive or negative about Effexor?

Also, I have an issue with ODD numbers... I don't care much for them, but I have THREE kids... The odd number bothers me to the point of anxiety sometimes and I KNOW that it is ridiculous and I feel guilty and horrible for hating odd numbers.

I have had every imaginable intrusive thought surrounding my son- Is he a demon because I have bad luck?, Will he grow up to hate me no matter how much I love him?, Is he going to suddenly die or get sick? etc et c etc

I want to know ANY nformatiopn on Effexor that you gals can give me and ALSO- If you have suffered from PostPartum OCD- HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO GO AWAY???????????????/ My son is six months old and the OCD is in full force...

... I just don't want to feel this way any more. I feel like a HORRIBLE mother... i can't shake the obsession- What if he resents me for giving him life...? Would he be happier if I would have had an abortion? Will he grow up to be mentally ill? etc.... *sigh*

I want a cure.... and losing my mom made it all a million times worse because she was the only person in my life that understood and she was my everything..

HELP??????

Thanks in advance,
Cyn~

[Gumby]

I'm so sorry you lost your mom. It sounds like she's very much missed.

Getting help is important and if you don't want to take what the doctor has prescribed, say so, get something else.

I hope others have more kind words for you.

[Surfacing]

Oh Cyn, I haven't had OCD but have had depression/anxiety. I don't know how long the OCD can last but I hope you keep searching for the help you need. You mentioned going to the psych ward and being prescribed meds previously. Do you have a psychiatrist? Do you like him/her? Do you see him or her regularly or can you check in periodically? IT might help to talk to someone you know/trust about your recent stressors (like your mom, best friend dying - I'm so sorry btw ) to get some understanding, perspective, reassurance.

I'm sorry you are suffering with this. FWIW, I have had many worries about my own dd's and their health, whether I'm ruining them, etc. All those overwhelming anxieties were helped by the right med (which for me was Prozac).

As for Effexor, I had taken it in the past without success. Someone I know credits it with very positive changes in his mood and life. I think it's such a personal thing, our bodies respond differently to different drugs because we are all different.

I hope someone else will jump in to recommend some OCD resources.

Have you had OCD flare up in the past? What helped then?