midwife needing to whine - Page 2

[scifimom]

[MsBlack]

That clarifies things quite a bit!

There have been times when I really felt that a particular birth/pp time (not just transports) was burdened by stuff such as what you mention. Yet even while some secret part of me is griping internally about that ('oh why didn't you--fill in the blank--mama! Didn't we talk about this a LOT?'--or--'didn't I try to work with you on it, but you avoided?'), there is another part...the one that gets to speak out loud to her...that reaches out in compassion, working to support in the moment--and trying to avoid that which could be guilt-inducing. Whatever the reasons for an undesirable outcome, scarcely matters when there is grief/disappointment going on and the need for comfort and understanding.

In some cases, in time, there is a space in which to speak of such things with a mom/fam--about how it might be different next time, how to take responsibility by working on the issues that seem to have impacted the birth--how to keep growing through experiences to make life on the whole (and future birth experiences, where applicable) better for the mom/fam through their own healthier, more powerful choices.

But in the present and in the future, blame is just not helpful to anyone. In our litigious 'black and white' culture, blame is the habit, tho--and I think it is one to work to avoid, no matter how comforting it seems to be. For myself, I have to think carefully about the Big Picture and the Long Term, understanding that we are all co-creators and all on a journey that did not begin, nor will it end, with this event. I have to try to look at things clearly, without taking or giving the blame to anyone--because taking the blame is an ego trip, assumes that one is more powerful than all others in a situation. Giving the blame assumes that one has no power, all the power belongs to others and we were mere victims. So I work at just seeing people making choices, doing a dance together that exists on physical and non-physical levels, that is not entirely conscious but always makes sense somehow. I work at seeing how some choices might be made differently in future...always remembering that by taking responsibility, much healing and power can arise for future happiness and fulfillment, even if we can't change the past.