not sure what to do

[samanthasmom]

my dd is 21 mos....up until now redirecting has worked very well. but now its not so easy. i'll ask her not to do something, explain why, then she'll still do it anyway. all the while looking right at me to see my response. what do you do when redirecting doesn't work? whats next?

[nathansmum]

For me, there is no "one answer". Sometimes it's about validating "I know you really want to bang on the window with your truck, but the glass may break. Here you can drive it on the floor, or we could find something else to bang around?". Sometimes it's about looking at why I've asked my kids not to do something in the first place and whether I can let it go and just give them more freedom. Sometimes it's just a case of finding a *better* alternative for them that satisfies the desire they have. But it's not often about them being wrong and me being right and therefore they must do as I say if that makes sense?

What sort of things are you having problems with? Do you want help problem solving up coming up with ideas to specific issues?

[samanthasmom]

here is an example...
she'll hit me on the arm. 'please don't hit mommy. it hurts mommy when you hit her' then she'll either hit again (very lightly) or she'll kiss my arm where she hit me.

or we'll ask her not to go into the mud room and she'll stand just inside and look at you to see what you'll do.

maybe i'm not responding right?

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by samanthasmom

my dd is 21 mos....up until now redirecting has worked very well. but now its not so easy. i'll ask her not to do something, explain why, then she'll still do it anyway.

After you do that, tell her what to do instead. Try to find something that will fulfill her original impulse. Help her find a way to express herself that is acceptable to both of you.

Also, I really like this article Toddler Testing

Originally Posted by samanthasmom

here is an example...
she'll hit me on the arm. 'please don't hit mommy. it hurts mommy when you hit her' then she'll either hit again (very lightly) or she'll kiss my arm where she hit me.

honestly, I think her response here is just fine. What would you like her to do differently?
The only thing I would add is to tell her what TO do. Why is she hitting you? To get your attention? Give her a better way to get your attention. Does she want to play a game? Tell her that you don't like to be hit, but that you'd happily play a game with her.

Also, saying "it hurts when you hit" doesn't really make sense to a kid. For one, it doesn't hurt them. THEY don't experience any pain when they hit you. Secondly, a light hit from a toddler doesn't honestly hurt an adult. For myself, I found it more honest to simply say "I don't like to be hit."

or we'll ask her not to go into the mud room and she'll stand just inside and look at you to see what you'll do.

When you give a negative instruction "Don't do X" you leave dc with the thought of "do x." Even if they know you are saying not to, they can't necessarily switch gears to figure out what they should do instead. So sometimes, they just keep doing it. lol.
It's like the pink elephant thing "don't think of a pink elephant" and what do you see in your head? But if you hear "think of a blue giraffe" it's much easier to avoid thinking of the elephant, yk?

So perhaps "Don't go in the mudroom. (maybe tell her why). Hey, come over here and we'll do x." or get playful about it.

I'm a firm believer in finding acceptable alternatives. Ime, it gave my ds a great skill. At 3.5, he's surprisingly able to redirect himself, or to find acceptable alternatives in difficult situations.

[samanthasmom]

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy

After you do that, tell her what to do instead. Try to find something that will fulfill her original impulse. Help her find a way to express herself that is acceptable to both of you.

Also, I really like this article Toddler Testing

thanks for the article! it helped

[*GreenMama*]

I just wanted to say that the article really helped me too. My son is also 21 months old and OMG is he doing the same thing. Kiddo climbs on top of his table 20 times in a row just so I'll get him down. I wish I could always redirect him but with my 11 week old nursingnursingnursing its so hard. Its good knowing that I'm not alone.