Leaving a breastfed baby for a weekend - Page 3

[prancie]

nak

take the baby or don't go

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

no need to apologize. I just think you are coming from a totally different world than 99% of the women on this site. Do you subscribe to Mothering magazine? The magazine that launched this discussion board? It promotes attachment parenting, and a need to get away from your children is nearly as opposite an ideal as you can get to Attachment Parenting.

Best of luck to you and your babe.

: Jodie, hi! I have been a parent for 16 years now and I need/want/like my time as much as anyone but I think the other posters have given you some good information. Mothering does promote attachment and while no one is saying you cannot take time away, at 6 mos old barring a life/death or employment situation, I think most Mamas here would opt not to leave such a young child. You may want to take a look around at the site and get a sense of what this community is about.

Shay

[MichelleAnnette]

I think if you WANT to leave your baby for a weekend, you already don't have the mother-infant attachment that MDC promotes and therefore don't understand "what the big deal is" about your baby needing you.

[Luvourlives]

Whether you are 100% ap or not, I think (to answer your question directly) the biggest concern is the likelihood of babe rejecting the breast and supply issues to overcome on return even if there is no rejection. So in this case you need to consider the effect this might have on your child's health/ nutrition (not to mention your wallet and convenience).

[finn'smama]

Originally Posted by thismama

I wouldn't leave a 6 month old for the weekend, nursing or not but especially nursing. I also wouldn't put a babe on formula to get a weekend away. Take your baby with you, that's what you do when you have an infant IMO.

:

Originally Posted by transformed

its always easier for me to just take the baby.

i dont like pumping though. i wouldnt choose to feed my baby formula unless it was an extreme case.

and that.

Personally, i would maybe consider one night once babe was a year old. No way at 6 months...

A

[Kiddoson]

As I sit here and nurse my 6 month old I know without a doubt he would NOT be ok without me. he loves DH but sometimes only mama will do.

My head spins at the thought of SWITCHING to formula so I could go away for a weekend.....:

[bri276]

Jodie maybe some further information on breastfeeding would help make your decision. I think fully understanding the risks of disrupting the breastfeeding relationship isn't possible unless you understand the benefits of bf'ing your little one, which I commend you for doing! But six months is really too young to wean. Here are a couple of links that could help- the longer you breastfeed, the more benefits there are for you AND your baby-

http://www.promom.org/101/

http://www.fresnofamily.com/articles...urlanguage.htm

http://www.parentingweb.com/lounge/dw_wean.htm

And if you do choose to go, this site should help you figure out how much to pump before and during your trip:


http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/index.html

However, if you are gone the whole weekend, and want to be successful with bf'ing, you're going to need to be pumping about six times a day, 20 minutes each time, just to maintain your supply and avoid mastitis or clogged ducts (which would ruin the wkend anyways!) So, I think it would be easier to bring the baby or have your sister come to you. Pumping sucks, I know all too well. The break won't feel worth it if you come home to a baby who has reflux, allergies, and gets ear infections from formula.

[LokiPuck]

I would take the baby. Infants are soo portable. You just need a bag packed with extra clothes and dipes. No need to worry about food since you are the food source.
Even if I needed to get away to visit family, I would be miserable without my baby. I miss him like crazy and wouldn't enjoy the time away at all.
And I know it's hard, but like other PPs said, they don't stop needing you just b/c you need a break.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by LokiPuck

I would be miserable without my baby. I miss him like crazy and wouldn't enjoy the time away at all.

And I don't really understand the "break from being a mom" part. You're still his mom...and responsible for him, even from a distance.

You just may well be the mom of a very scared, confused & lonely boy.

[mommajb]

Originally Posted by alegna

We all need to re-charge. The problem is that *baby* doesn't get a break from being *baby* while you take a break from being mummy.

So as parents we owe it to our infants to take their NEEDS into consideration over our wants.

There are ways to take breaks and still be respectful of our childrens' *needs*

That is what is being suggested here.

-Angela

This is so well put. Do you ever tire of hearing that? I hope you don't mind if I use this logic/phrasing with other mothers that 'need a break' as I have struggled with a respectful way to convey my pov.

[all in green]

From reading some of the OPs posts in other threads I get the idea that she would like to "party" (for lack of a better word) for a few days. In that case it's probably better she leave the baby with her partner, who presumably will not be indulging in hallucinogens while caring for him.

Jodie, after my DD was born I had myriad medical issues including surgery and hospital stays that prevented me from nursing her for several one week stretches of time. She was about 6 months old during one of these nursing breaks. I was able to maintain my milk supply each time by pumping and dumping, but it was HARD. She went back to the breast easily once I was able to nurse again, but I was never physically separated from her for more than a few hours at a time. HTH.

[txdancer]

Originally Posted by MichelleAnnette

It's a mother's responsibility to be with her baby all the time. That is just what having a baby is about. I bring my baby everywhere, as I'm sure many mamas here do. I would be so sad if I left my baby for a weekend. He would not understand that I am leaving for a few days and then coming home. For all he knows, I'm leaving him forever. My baby deserves to be with me all the time, just like I was with my mother all the time as a baby.

I have read and re-read this comment, and every single time it really hurts me and makes me upset. There are women on this site who are WOHM's, and that doesn't mean that they are bad people. Most Americans get 6-8 weeks off for maternity leave, and then they have to leave their child in someone else's care. That doesn't mean that they don't love their babies.

To the OP- Good luck with your trip! I don't know if you said if you were already using bottles for feedings, but if you aren't you might start. I know some babies need to try a few different kinds before they find the ones that fit their mouths.

[Couz]

Originally Posted by txdancer

I have read and re-read this comment, and every single time it really hurts me and makes me upset. There are women on this site who are WOHM's, and that doesn't mean that they are bad people. Most Americans get 6-8 weeks off for maternity leave, and then they have to leave their child in someone else's care. That doesn't mean that they don't love their babies.

I have to agree 100%. Although I wouldn't choose to be away from my baby for a weekend at 6 months, I will be going back to work when my baby is 6 months old. My husband is going to be a SAHP. I am already dreading having to go back-- even with pumping and flex hours I know it won't be the same. But this thread is making me feel like crap. Thanks. Good to know that apparently you can't be "AP" and the primary breadwinner. :

[rrible]

I'm going to give a slightly different perspective here... While long absences from young nurslings isn't ideal, 48 hours isn't the end of a nursing relationship and if you think you'll be able to come back a happier, more refreshed mom, that's great. Since my little one was 8 weeks old, In addition to working full time, have to periodically - maybe once every 6 weeks or so - be away from baby for 36 hours. I pumped a lot, took fenugreek and spent lots of time with my baby before and after, but at 17 months, we still have a strong, great nursing relationship. I agree with the pumping ahead of time and pumping while on your trip to keep up your supply, but i think that 36 - 48 hours away for a single instance with a 6 month old baby is totally do-able. (that being said, because i was away for work so much, i still haven't left baby overnight for "fun" but that's not the point.)

enjoy your weekend!

[clutterbug]

I can't speak for PP (although one did specifically mention employment as a situation where separation can't be helped - I am paraphrasing that!) but I don't think WOHM is incompatible with AP at all. I commend those moms who have such short mat leaves and manage somehow to stay on top of pumping to continue providing milk for baby, it is amazing! The OP's question wasn't about leaving a 6 month old for a trip to a day spa (roughly equivalent to a day of work outside the home), it was about flying out of town for a whole weekend...two very different situations.

I recognize that some WOHMs have to make business trips so that might be more equivalent to the OP topic, and maybe in that case in an ideal world, there would be a way to work baby into the trip. But if not...you gotta do what you gotta do! And besides, there is still a big difference between a trip you have to do for work (especially since baby would already be pretty adjusted to the idea of having mom away at least for the daytimes) and taking a trip for fun.

[Mbella]

I agree with txdancer and Couz that that comment made me feel like crap!

I am a WOHM. I never thought I would be and I am still trying to find a way to stay home with my dd and Baby #2. Right now I can't stay home and it breaks my heart everyday I go to work. I still love my daughter and it does not make me less of a parent!!!

I do know that I could never leave dd for a weekend and she is 23 months old. I have never even left her overnight. I am heartbroken that during my hospital birth I will not be able to be with her overnight.

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

And I don't really understand the "break from being a mom" part. You're still his mom...and responsible for him, even from a distance.

You just may well be the mom of a very scared, confused & lonely boy.

yep! i can't even imagine leaving my 6 mo old not even for 1 day!

[MamieCole]

To me, just the title of your post is enough to make me scratch my head:

"Leaving a breastfed baby for a weekend..."

I don't think there are many, if any, mamas here who would CHOOSE to do that barring an unavoidable emergency situation.

And when you complete the sentence, "...so that I can get away for a party weekend with my sister." Well, that just makes my heart break for your baby. Not only because you are leaving him for so long, but because you have this "need" to "get away" from him. Every mama needs and deserves a recharge...a break...a helping hand...some pampering. It's important that you feel good and take care of yourself so that you can take care of your babies. But that can be done in a thousand different ways, none of which involve leaving your 6 month-old for an entire weekend.

If this trip is the only solution you will accept, then why can't your sister come visit you where you live? If you need to be out of the house so you can really feel like you are "escaping", get a hotel room. That would still allow you to go out and party yet be close enough to check in once or twice a day to nurse and comfort your baby.

[onlyboys]

For those WOHMs, I think there is a huge monumental difference between leaving your child for work, when there's no hope of taking him or her, and leaving them for fun, when it would be perfectly okay to take them logistically.

I think your breastmilk will probably survive, and that your baby (once he or she reaquaints to you) will probably nurse again too. But to me, the risk/benefit potential really doesn't swing to the side of going. Trust me, I know the need to get away. I know it well, and sometimes even getting away for an hour or two will make all the difference in the world for a stressed out mom. I would try something like that before I would leave my infant to go and have fun.

[nummies]

Originally Posted by onlyboys

For those WOHMs, I think there is a huge monumental difference between leaving your child for work, when there's no hope of taking him or her, and leaving them for fun, when it would be perfectly okay to take them logistically.

Yes, this. I don't think that anyone is saying that WOHM are bad mothers or are less AP. I don't even know where that idea came from. : Working to support your family and choosing to be away from your baby for an entire weekend are two different matters. Apples to oranges kind of thing.

OP- Truly, I would never leave my baby for that long. There are other ways to recharge and connect with your sister that don't involve leaving your child who is dependent on you. It sounds like you wanted someone to pat you on the head and tell you that its fine. Well, I don't think that you will find that here. I just can't fathom choosing to give my child formula for no other reason than my convenience. Sorry but I think that is purely selfish. If you really are going to go, leave some breastmilk.