Uncomfortable with new pediatric dentist

[lacysmommy]

I so miss the old pediatric dentist I used to have. I was open with him about DD's nursing status and he always shrugged and said "Oh, okay," and never said anything about weaning/night weaning/bottles of water instead, etc. He left in December and I'm really missing him now.

My DD2 has some pretty bad tooth decay that is being fixed tomorrow morning under sedation. I was open with the dentist that DD2 still nurses multiple times at night (she was quite shocked and surprised, but never said anything negative about extended breastfeeding). I've tried nightweaning her, but so far.... it ain't happening. And I'm okay with that, for now. The trouble is, the dentist is pretty insistent that the decay is caused by the nursing. While I don't doubt that in the past, nursing at night after a less-than-thorough job of brushing teeth probably contributed to a lot of the decay, especially considering where the decay is located on her teeth, I don't think it is the real reason why she has decay. Today I had a consult with her to talk about tomorrow's appointment. She was clear that she should not have food or milk 6 hours before the appointment (and though she didn't say breastmilk, I'm pretty sure she meant all milk including breastmilk, since she knows I nurse), because of a risk of aspiration. What bothered me most, though, is that she said if she was really hungry, she could have some toast. So I don't understand why milk is such a risk, but toast isn't. I'm just afraid that she considers breastmilk to be the same as cow's milk. And I'm afraid that she doesn't approve of my nursing relationship with my child at all, but hasn't said anything about total weaning, just night weaning/bottles of water instead of nursing, because she is a nice person and wants to have a good relationship with her clients. Anyway, after a long chat with my best friend, I decided I'm going to lie to my dentist if she asks me straight out if she has nursed in the morning, since it is technically considered a clear liquid.

This is decay that cannot wait for a new dentist, and we only have one choice of pediatric dentists in this particular clinic, which we have to use for insurance purposes. Open enrollment for our insurance plan is next month, and I plan on switching dental providers at that time to another dentist who will be more compassionate toward breastfeeding relationships than my current dentist. I feel like, even though the dentist is really nice and so cheerful about everything, that she is really judgmental about our nursing relationship, and it is really bothering me. I just get that vibe from her that the niceness is covering up a distaste for extended breastfeeding, which I thought she would be more open to since she is not from the US. Or maybe (probably) I'm just being overly sensitive, which I tend to be a lot. But for the next few months at least, I have to put up with her, since my children have dental problems that need to be fixed fairly soon. But I'm emotionally drained after today, and I'm bad with confrontation. I'm a people pleaser and I just want her to like me and my kids and not make me feel bad that I don't want to push the nightweaning if my daughter is not ready. What should I do while I'm dealing with this?

[tanyalynn]

What should I do while I'm dealing with this?

I think you're doing all the concrete things that you need to do, so kudos to you. I'd try to find something to take your mind off all this. It all seems really stressful, and health situations with the kids can really be overwhelming, all-consuming and draining, so finding something else to think about is really helpful. Call an old friend, bake some cookies, something like that. And be willing to lie if need be--that seems fine (and your call on the breastmilk in the morning seems fine to me). If this were going to be a long-term relationship, working out the differences and pushing for data that supports the night-nursing/cavity relationship would be appropriate, but I know I wouldn't push it if I didn't have to, and you don't. Sounds like you're doing good, just try to think of some things you can do to make things easier on yourself.

[Demeter9]

Breastmilk goes through the digestive tract way faster than anything else. Toast!

I would simply lie to her. It isn't her business, she is grossly misinformed about the issue, and I would simply do the wide eyed sagely nod and ignore her advice about most things.

[Yaelita]

Originally Posted by Demeter9

I would simply lie to her. It isn't her business, she is grossly misinformed about the issue, and I would simply do the wide eyed sagely nod and ignore her advice about most things.

I was going to say the same thing. Just lie. I did the same thing when my son (almost 2) was having his root canals and fillings a month ago. The dentist told me at the first apptmt that night nursing had to go, and I said: "yes". At the next apptmnt (a coupleof weeks later) she hasn't really talked much, she was busy doing his root canals. At the end she kind of casually inquired about night nursing and I said we were done. That was that.

I wanted her to do the job, and she did it beautifully (he had 2 rootcanals in his front teeth with fillings, and another 4 fillings without roots canals; all without anesthesia; just local shots for the 4 front teeth). She did her job beautifully, gently, and very fast, and I was very grateful to her for that. But I did enough reading and research to know that my nursing neither caused his decay nor that weaning would help him now. So, I felt confident with my decision and felt comfortable pretending that I was going along with her advice.

Good luck!