black/white families - how did you come to live where you do?

[mom2tatum]

And do you like it?

Basically, I am just wondering how everyone got to be living where they are now with their black/white interracial families. For one, I think its interesting to hear others' stories and two, I want to know what areas other people live in that are accepting/not accepting to your relationship/family and why you think its a good place or not to raise your children.

Here's our story (some a repeat): I am a mom to a beautiful and hilarious 19 mo boy with the craziest hair in the world I think. More about our hair issues later. (Now posted in the hair thread) My dh is Jamaican, completely Americanized (raised among black and white american cultures equally) except for the citizenship part, which he is working on. Although he is more Americanized than anyone else in his family that is in US, he is one of the last ones to gain US citizenship. I think he feels American already and they did not, so it was something on their mind more than his. I dunno? He grew up about 30 minutes northwest of Philadelphia until college in central PA, which is where we met. He's been in America since he was 5, but went back to visit Jamaica and his family still there every year until he went to college. So since then, which was when we met, he's only been once. I think he identifies with all three cultures that he has been surrounded by - white and black american and then Jamaican - and I think he always will no matter where we live. But his upbringing was important in causing those identifications, yk, so I want to try to create that for our ds as much as possible.

Anyway, I am white (Italian/Irish background). I, being born into priveledge just by my race, not by socioeconomic status AT ALL, grew up knowing nothing of racial tensions or even stereotypes. As a child, I grew up in a lower - lower middle class neighborhood of mostly white kids about 15 min outside of southwest Philly. I never heard a bad or a good thing about someone of another race, honestly - which is weird but what I remember. Went to college and all my friends in my first year happened to be black or white, but culturally black, ykwim? Anyway, I sort of continued on amongst all different types of people (lots of PR influence where I did lot of my student teaching in Lancaster) I met Jermaine my last year and at that point, we were both being more influenced by the opposites culture, if that makes sense. Weird that we even liked each other but I think we both ended up pretty well rounded culturally due to our college experiences.

We moved back home and within a year settled sort of in the middle of where we both grew up (outside of Philly) in a technically suburban neighborhood, but in a row house with a more city like feel in some ways (at least our street). Got married, all that. I taught learning support in a Junior High in an urban neighborhood next to Southwest Philly for 3 a half years then quit for a variety of reasons related to the struggle of the district, not the kids. I learned a lot from my experience with those kids, but I had too big a heart for it, I think. Anyway, I quit. Then got a job as a nanny, then got prg. I basically love where we live for the diversity part of it (race, religion, class variety of houses and living conditions) but it is a very hard place to find other natural thinking people/families. Does that have to be the trade off al the time? Ahhh! There is a FNL and HMN, but everything is at least a 30-45 min. drive and as far as getting close to people - its hard...yk? La Leche League has been great for us, but its a predominantly white culture there it seems. Except for us and my SIL and once in a while another biracial child/baby.

I can't wait to hear about all the places everyone else lives and how you all ended up there and if you want to stay and why, etc. Sorry, I tend to be long winded when I get excited on a topic and actually have some time to type...

[powercourt]

I am a Caucasian woman and my dh is af. american. We have a sweet 14 month old baby girl with crazy hair issues, too!

My dh grew up in urban Ft. Lauderdale with a single mom and several older siblings. I grew up in middle class white suburbs of Dallas. We met while he was in grad school and I was in undergrad at University of Texas in Austin. And that's where we live now...Austin. The only liberal oasis surrounded by conservatism.

Austin is great but very white. Well, I should say it is quite segregated as there is a significant Hispanic population and a smaller Af. Amer population. However, within the AP (attachment parenting) community, the diversity is lacking. And we have a huge AP community!

[Joyster]

I'm interracial, born and raised in downtown Toronto. I actually grew up in an inner city community, which was very racially, culturally diverse (most of toronto is pretty diverse, but this was even moreso). However it was all pretty much under the poverty line, so the thing we all had in common was no money. 30 years ago in Toronto, I spent about the first 4 years of my life in Scarborough (a suburb) and I never saw another interracial child until I moved downtown. I literally thought that I was the only one of my kind with a black father and white mother. However it was nice to know I wasn't alone.

My husband grew up in Scarborough actually down the street from where we live now. He's white, was middle class, christian...basically top of the food chain in terms of priviledge. He came to my community to work as a university student on a little local news magazine catering to my community and several around it. He was assigned to my community and quickly made impressions on community leaders (largely all middle aged single mothers). He's very charming. lol I remember listening to the women all talking about this young Chris ______ and how sweet his was and how good his stories were and how committed to the community he was. They also talked about his best friend (our sons godfather) and the same dealie. Anyhow, before long we met and from our second meeting on, we were inseperable.

He learned throughout working in my community and throughout the years of racial discrimination at the hands of the police, the classism towards our community by some of the richer surrounding communities, the politicians willingness to exploit that community (except a few whom I still respect today) and the rest of the city's willingness to forget about an inner city impoverished community short of a few very vocal and dedicated advocates. He knows more about race/class/gender/discrimination than most people and I'm proud of him.

Anyhow, all that said, there are few other cities (Vancouver would be another choice) I'd chose to live in to raise my children. There are problems here, but I feel that there is also no shortage of talented smart people working on them to reduce or solve them. Also, now I currently live in Scarborough and it's a whole other ballgame, where there are plenty of interracial children for my kids to grow up amongst. Though chances are, my children will probably have some degree of white skin priviledge since they are pretty light and one even has blue eyes for the time being.

[Jannah6]

I am Black, my husband White(Albanian). Together we have 4 children ages 6,5,3, and 5 mos. I have a 10 year old son from a previous marriage who is 100% Black. My DH and I both grew up in diverse NYC. We moved to Edison, NJ for a few years, but are now back in NYC.

We got the surprise of our lives when we were selling our home. One day I got a call from my husband. The agent we were dealing with had phoned my DH and told him that someone had written on our For Sale sign. Under the For Sale was written By ******s. So it basically read "For Sale By ******s"

I had so many emotions growing inside of me. Shock, fear, anger. I was shocked because no one ever gave the indication that we were unwanted. Well, there was this one lady at the park who was rude, but I don't know if it's because I'm Black or because I'm Muslim. I was afraid because I didn't know if they'd come back and do something more drastic. I was so angry that someone would have the nerve to come onto my property and deface it.

To this day we don't know who wrote those words. We do know that just recently someone threw a rock at the window of the house. We no longer live there,but our furniture is still there, so no one knows that we moved. About 3 weeks before we moved my aunt said she saw a news report saying Edison, NJ was on the rise for hate crimes.

[Jannah6]

Oh, I forgot to mention how we came to live where we do. We sold our house in Edison, unfortunately we hardly made a profit. We are living in Queens, NY and due to move to Brooklyn, NY, in less then 2 weeks. The family home that I grew up in caught on fire and is being renovated. The area in Queens is Black. The area in Brooklyn is mostly Black, but some White families and singles have moved into the neighborhood, which consists of Brownstones.

[les7699]

Hi all. I'm Lesley, white, mom to 2 biracial black and white girls. We live in Columbus Ohio and am happy to say it's a very diverse area. I never think twice about them being biracial here. Now when I go up to northern Ohio, it's a different story. I get stares and whispers constantly.

[LaffNowCryLater]

Me and my dh are from Virginia Beach VA, I moved here to East TN and he followed a few months later. The area and highschool we went to was 50/50 as far as white/black make up of the students.

Here in TN my dh is the only black guy in the neighborhood, strangely enough the preschool my kids go to has a huge biracial/multiracial population. Its awesome.

[marybethorama]

That's an easy answer ;)

dh is a college professor and this (Western Maryland)is where his job was. We didn't have much of a choice.

As for living here, it's pretty good overall. Biracial (African American/White) kids are very common. There's a tiny African American population so there's lots of interracial dating and intermarriage.

I won't say there isn't racism (it really depends on what small town you live in and there are some I would never live in) but we have never really experienced any as a family.

[GSMama]

another Torontonian here...Hi Joyster!

I grew up in the western suburbs outside of Toronto and very little exposure to other races (I'm white of European descent). My husband grew up in Scarborough and spent all of his life there until he met me. We'd still be in Scarborough if we could afford the kind of house we want there. It's our goal to move back into the city eventually.

We now live in a small town north east of Toronto and it's surprisingly diverse and somewhat AP-friendly. We have friends of all backgrounds here and biracial children are not uncommon at all which makes me feel better about my daughter being raised here.

[MillingNome]

We live inner-city urban area. I could not take living somewhere where there was no cultural and ethnic diversity. This would be true regardless of raising a multi-racial child or not. Even before she was, dh and I chose to move back to the city after living in a burb where cultural diversity meant driving a sedan rather than a 4by4. It just didn't feel real.

Please don't flame me, but for those that chose to live where it was more culturally and ethnically diverse, did that mean moving into a higher crime rate area? In my case, it did but after living here since 1993 I have found that for 99.9% of the time if you use common sense, trouble don't go looking for you. Still, it is a concern...

[Bunnybee]

We live in CT and live here b/c it's where I grew up and where DH and I met (at college). He came here (from Jamaica) at 16 b.c his sister lives here. We live in a city that is predominately minorities but the neighborhood we live in is more "white" but also pretty diverse (college kids, gay couples, blacks) although I have only seen one other interacial couple and they were older than us. Neither of us has really encountered racism, just ignorant comments (like "my what a tan you daughter has" or "where did she get those curls"). I am always suspicious of racism though when someone mistreats us! Oh, and DH has been pulled over for DWB, lol. Overall I think it's a decent place but we do talk about moving sometimes (but that's just to escape my crazy family)!

[LaffNowCryLater]

Originally Posted by Bunnybee

. Neither of us has really encountered racism, just ignorant comments (like "my what a tan you daughter has" or "where did she get those curls"). I am always suspicious of racism though when someone mistreats us!

OMG I can't believe anyone has said stuff like that to you!!!
The only questions I get are what are my kids "mixed" with, and they seem to be genuine questions out of curiosity (and I don't mind them). A lot of people thought they were mixed with Latino or Filipino when they were babies.

[Bunnybee]

Originally Posted by LaffNowCryLater

OMG I can't believe anyone has said stuff like that to you!!!

Yeah, I was taken aback! Both those comments came when I was out with just DD and not DH. What do people think? I'm taking my (then) infant to a tanning salon? So strange! I guess the concept of the baby being non-white hadn't even crossed her mind; or she was trying to hint at something? Who knows. I ignored it!

[USAmma]

We are not black/white but East Indian/white. When we met/married in Oklahoma we definitely got looks and decided not to settle there for the sake of our kids. We moved back to AZ where I'm from. We live in a mostly white suburb (made the decision based on the housing costs and location to things). We had some problems from one racist neighbor but after they moved everyone got a lot friendlier. Now we have a few other mixed/culturally diverse families moving in. My dd goes to a school that's very diverse- it's a public charter school that attracts a lot of free-thinking families.

[cappuccinosmom]

When we first came to the States from Ethiopia, we lived in my parents town, sort of a middling-sized town in SW PA. However, it was *very* white, and we were definately an oddity there, though there was no outright discrimination or negativity. Just the weird looks, kwim?

We moved to Pittsburgh because dh felt there would be better job and educational opportunities here. He was right, and we have found it to be a pretty diverse city. We also happened to come upon a huge church that is very well integrated, with many mixed families like us, and people from many cultures.

[Yes I Am]

My husband (white) and I (black) moved from Bordentown NJ to NW Philly in August. He grew up in central Jersey in suburban middle-class mostly white neighborhood. I grew up in Crown Heights, Bklyn, on the border of Flatbush in a working-class neighborhood of Caribbean and Southern Blacks.

Moving to Philly was my idea. I was feeling very claustrophic and Bordentown was not only too small, it was also too segregated. I needed to be in a city again, I needed to see more black people because I was tired of being one of a few (and I missed public transportation!)

We are expecting our daughter in April and would much rather raise her in a big city, where she'll be exposed to different people, languages, classes. My husband's never lived in a city before, which is exciting for him. Our immediate neighborhood seems mixed (my 8 apartment building certainly is) and no problems in the neighborhood so far. Just in Center City (you can read about that on my blog notbarefootjustpregnant.blogspot.com, the very first entry)

[mom2tatum]

Originally Posted by Yes I Am

My husband (white) and I (black) moved from Bordentown NJ to NW Philly in August. He grew up in central Jersey in suburban middle-class mostly white neighborhood. I grew up in Crown Heights, Bklyn, on the border of Flatbush in a working-class neighborhood of Caribbean and Southern Blacks.

Moving to Philly was my idea. I was feeling very claustrophic and Bordentown was not only too small, it was also too segregated. I needed to be in a city again, I needed to see more black people because I was tired of being one of a few (and I missed public transportation!)

We are expecting our daughter in April and would much rather raise her in a big city, where she'll be exposed to different people, languages, classes. My husband's never lived in a city before, which is exciting for him. Our immediate neighborhood seems mixed (my 8 apartment building certainly is) and no problems in the neighborhood so far. Just in Center City (you can read about that on my blog notbarefootjustpregnant.blogspot.com, the very first entry)

hey there! Cool blog...how exciting to be able to keep that during your first pregnancy. Something I wish I did. Anyway, where are you in Philly? If you want to PM me instead, go ahead. We are outside of west Phillly basically...I don't know too much about VBP specifically, but I think its great that your planning to have your birth there rather than one of the hospitals around here...many have some of the highest c section rates in the country and definitely big on lots of routine interventions. Which I'm sure you know already...

So, how do you like the city so far? I think Philly is great, depending on where you live of course. But we have friends and family who live in various parts of the city (W. Germantown/East Falls, Overbrook, NE, South) and we like to go to Center City or Fairmount Park for something to do on the weekends (especially when its nice out and there's something going on). The homicides are out of control in some neighborhoods, but its pretty safe unless you are right in the thick of a high gang or drug infested area, yk? I like it in the city and where we live, too, because its close enough to the places we enjoy and our street is sort of urban suburban I guess. I can walk out my door and walk a block to get on the trolley down to 69th street in like 7 or 8 min. Although, I only do that every so often anymore because I just don't feel as safe with my ds as much.

We never get a second glance in our neighborhood and everyone has always been nothing but nice and wonderful to us. It is definitely more white, and lots of older people, but on our street (four blocks) there are probably 20-30 minority families (mostly black, some mixed, some middle eastern, asian - as far as I see at least) out of maybe a little more than a 100 houses. We don't really have to think of our family as being different (usually). I think the Philly area, in general, is pretty integrated and mixed couples are definitely completely normal to see. Walking in Manayunk one day we probably saw more mixed couples than same race couples...and lots of couples bl woman wh man - which is usually more rare than bl man wh woman, yk? So, we thought that was cool.

Anyway, blab blab blab - good luck with your prg and PM me anytime. Welcome to MDC and to Philly!

Hopefully you'll enjoy it here more than in NJ!

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by mom2tatum

hey there! Cool blog...how exciting to be able to keep that during your first pregnancy. Something I wish I did. Anyway, where are you in Philly? If you want to PM me instead, go ahead. We are outside of west Phillly basically...I don't know too much about VBP specifically, but I think its great that your planning to have your birth there rather than one of the hospitals around here...many have some of the highest c section rates in the country and definitely big on lots of routine interventions. Which I'm sure you know already...

So, how do you like the city so far? I think Philly is great, depending on where you live of course. But we have friends and family who live in various parts of the city (W. Germantown/East Falls, Overbrook, NE, South) and we like to go to Center City or Fairmount Park for something to do on the weekends (especially when its nice out and there's something going on). The homicides are out of control in some neighborhoods, but its pretty safe unless you are right in the thick of a high gang or drug infested area, yk? I like it in the city and where we live, too, because its close enough to the places we enjoy and our street is sort of urban suburban I guess. I can walk out my door and walk a block to get on the trolley down to 69th street in like 7 or 8 min. Although, I only do that every so often anymore because I just don't feel as safe with my ds as much.

We never get a second glance in our neighborhood and everyone has always been nothing but nice and wonderful to us. It is definitely more white, and lots of older people, but on our street (four blocks) there are probably 20-30 minority families (mostly black, some mixed, some middle eastern, asian - as far as I see at least) out of maybe a little more than a 100 houses. We don't really have to think of our family as being different (usually). I think the Philly area, in general, is pretty integrated and mixed couples are definitely completely normal to see. Walking in Manayunk one day we probably saw more mixed couples than same race couples...and lots of couples bl woman wh man - which is usually more rare than bl man wh woman, yk? So, we thought that was cool.

Anyway, blab blab blab - good luck with your prg and PM me anytime. Welcome to MDC and to Philly!

Hopefully you'll enjoy it here more than in NJ!

You guys are making me long for Philly. I was born there, went to the University of Penn and lived in Germantown/Mt. Airy for sometime. I loved university city but felt more comfortable in the diverse sections of G-Town. It has been known as the most successfully desegregated neighborhood in the country and I would have to concur based on my experiences there in the early 90's. I miss it so much.

[gethane]

My three oldest are biracial. We live in rural Nebraska (town of 12K, county seat, but still pretty rural). I met my exh at college. After college we moved to Kansas City. But after I got pregnant with my 3rd when my first was not even 3, and my exh got fired from his job that provided health insurance, we moved to nebraska to live with my parents until we figured out what to do.

We didn't really expect to stay in this rural area, but my exh got a job in a town just 30 min from my parents, we ended up qualifying for a loan from the Rural Housing Development, and voila, here we stay. Once my kids started school, I didn't really want to move them. Yes, there isn't much diversity here (though they aren't the only biracial kids, there are some AA kids, + some asian kids), but they've grown up with the people they go to school with. People don't think of them as "those black kids that just moved in" which would be my fear if we moved. My oldest, almost 17, has a great set of dreds and has been asked in a nearby bigger town if the girls he was talking to could take a picture of his hair. It's very weird.

We STILL get comments. We do still experience racism. After I remarried and had 2 lily white kids the differences I experience depending on which "family" I'm out with are striking.

And though I'm a huge Obama supporter, I'm afraid to put up an Obama sign or bumper sticker for fear of vandalism. And I don't want to put my teenagers through that. At our local caucus I overheard someone shouting "A vote for the darkie is a vote for McCain," and "If Obama was meant to be president it wouldn't be called the White House." Oh, so clever. Hah. Obama still won my local caucus.

My challenges as a parent of biracial kids is different than it was when I was also part of an interracial relationship. It was much more in my face, I felt, when I was married to a black man. Now people assume my kids are adopted, at least, that's what many people ask.

I worry about my teens future. They are not familiar in any way with black culture. My ex has never taken them to meet his family (an 8 hour drive). They've grown up with a white mom, white step father, white step siblings, white grandparents. I do my best, but I've never been out of the midwest myself so .. well. ya know. I'm not the best source of info either. My oldest daughter (15) worries too. She's told me that she worries that when she goes away to college she's going to be pigeonholed.

Life's a changing though. My dh, my 2 youngest, and my 13 year old (maybe) are moving this summer because I'm going to law school. My two oldest want to stay here with their father and my parents to finish high school (can't say I blame them) but they'll be visiting me in my new, hopefully more diverse, area (unsure where that'll be just yet).

Sorry bout the book. I'm really excited to see this forum! Not sure how I missed it was here for 3 weeks!

[mom2tatum]

what a beautiful bunch of children you have...good luck with the move and with law school! I'm sure you're kids will adapt fine to whatever culture of people they are around when they attend college or move away.