Okay so I'm up and I thought I'd post, sorry, and thanks if you're reading. I didn't want to get into it earlier but I've awoken with a huge wave of anxiety tonight and I think I'd better get it written out here.
I feel so disappointed for dh. He tried an SSRI recently that had unbearable bad side effects for him. We've been having some marital troubles--some difficult conversations that were good and necessary but also very scary, regarding the past 3 years and the state of our relationship. This is on top of other major stressors over the past 4 months. He started a new job and missed time almost right away being sick with chronic bronchitis and another cold on top of it. Last week when we had a bad night due to our discussions he went into work very early -- too early -- and also vented some of his troubles to the new boss (not a good idea). The long and short of it is that he is returning to his previous job. This one paid better and also paid over the summer. Now we're going to have some trouble again financially which stresses me a bit. Sigh. I feel so disappointed for him because I know he's capable of this job but life has just dealt such a weighty hand for him right now, he's human! Everyone has a breaking point! He is coming off the SSRI with a big headache and finally got a bit of sleep. He is feeling low about himself due to the job thing.
I have been keeping it together emotionally etc., but for some reason tonight it's just catching up with me. Venting help. This will pass. I have been a bit surprised in the last day or so how my anxiety and a bit of my impatience/anger has returned. I hope it goes away quickly.
Dh just told me that dd1 is grinding her teeth loudly and hard at night. She's nearly 3. Now I am worried that she is under too much stress.
I am trying so hard to keep it all together. Seriously. For the most part I think that I, and we, are doing okay. I think we have a lot to be grateful for.
I'm just thinking that lack of sleep is catching up with me. And these added new stresses. I was quite worried for dh when he didn't sleep for 36 hrs as a side effect of the ssri plus the bad news about his job etc. I am enjoying dd1 very much lately (as well as dd2) but she's so energetic etc and sometimes I feel like I'm not giving her enough play, etc. She needs more from me than I can give right now, at times.
I think I should stop here. I could go on and on. Thanks for listening.
ETA - usually I can talk myself into a better mood lately. But tonight it doesn't seem to be working and I feel esp. hopeless a little. I am hoping this will pass with more sleep. Gads, I wonder if my pdoc will want to increase my meds YET AGAIN, even though I *just* had an increase.
Must stop catastrophising. Must get a snack (oh, that's another thing--I'm hungry....but I feel like I've gained a lot of weight lately--does Prozac do that? Or is it just all the easter chocolate and my lack of willpower?
). Good night.