postpartum anxiety - Page 2

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by leafwood

anxiety may be part of your life and the more you accept it, the less scary it becomes because despite how hard we try sometimes it is out of our control. Some days that stuff works for me, other times I just reapeat "you are OK, you are OK" as my heart races Whatever gets you through!

Hi other ddc buddy! Yes, I remember us talking about anxiety some. I am familiar with the whole 'accepting how you are feeling now' thing regarding anxiety. Infact, one of my very helpful taped relaxations scripts involves something like, "What I am doing now is very brave. I am facing anxiety in a new way. I am chosing to feel these uncomfortable sensations now, so that I will feel better later. My body can take care of itself. Just because I feel uncomfortable now, doesn't mean anything worse will happen. This fear will pass. It will pass." Keeping in perspective that this doesn't last forever, and it will pass does help.

Originally Posted by leafwood

I hope that things continue to go well and that soon you and your dh will be able to reflect on getting through a really tough spot together.

I think you are so right about this. Thank you for reminding me to look at it that way. This is very true. We have had very challenging years since dd1 was born and we have both grown and learned so much. But it has really brought us to our knees, yk?

I have to say, I am so grateful for the meds, for family support, for our good life. I really hope my meds continue to work well.

We have been debating a third child--when all is well and we are enjoying ourselves, it's THE BEST feeling in the world, there's so much joy. But when we're at our worst, another child seems like suicide. YK? That sounds dramatic, but I think the message here is that if things feel like too much at times now, what will it feel like later? We don't have to decide this now. Circumstances may change later. One baby at a time. Though I think it's wise to consider all angles...

I love our little family and our second baby added to it. I'm so glad we had her.

Thanks for all the support here on this thread! Good vibes to all of you reading!

[Surfacing]

Just posting a few words here because I am feeling a bit neurotic, and am about to go to bed. I usually don't like to read the Mental Health forum because the stories about difficult weaning side effects, etc get my anxiety going. I peeked in there tonight and now will "cleanse the palate" by reading elsewhere. Ahh well.

I'm on day 5 of my increase and I feel very tired....but I haven't been getting enough sleep. I've had some flare up of anxiety but again, I think that's due to not enough sleep and doing too much. Finally dh let me crash a bit today and sleeping was so needed. I locked the door and put a chair against it to prevent dd1 and dh from coming in and waking me! My mother called to say she's feeling better and can come get my dd1 tomorrow again...so I can spend the day in PJ's with my 8 wk old, snuggling and snoozing. Oh delicious sleep! Around day 4 I had a big headache and some dizziness, today I have a little bit of dizziness....this could be a side effect from the increase or perhaps just from exhaustion and this dang cold (which I feel in my ear, nose, throat and eyes)..... I have been grinding my teeth at night and again wonder if it's from the meds. I used to do that a LOT as a teen though and was not on meds then.

I think I'll go listen to my relaxation tape. Good night!

[riverundine]

just checking in to see how you're doing with the anxiety...with the increase...with the family. hope things are on the upswing

[Surfacing]

Thanks River, there is some improvement. We all seem to be coming out of the thickest with the colds etc. but they are still lapping at our heels. That's okay. We've had some nice days with family visits and relaxing together. Dh is getting used to his new job. I feel like I have more energy on the increased meds but know that it will really take a couple of weeks or a month to reap the full benefits of the increase. I feel some benefits and realize that I'd had a bit of a slide back into the constant worried chatter in my head, less patience, less energy....still waaaay better than before but this tweak is nice and needed. Things are well enough. Thanks for asking.

Dh was just saying, "We've been through some really hard times these past couple of years, haven't we?" He's right. I think it has strengthened us (but sure hasn't been easy!). He was looking through some old photos and video from when dd1 was an infant and early toddler. When I look at them all I remember is how crappy I felt being depressed, feeling like a horrible mother, etc. There were happy times, for sure. I just regret all the bad feelings in my memory. Oh well! Thank gawd for meds! Gotta run.

[riverundine]

so glad to hear that things are feeling better...and hoping things stay more leveled off.
i hear you about how remembering your feelings and feeling the regret stinks. i feel bad for how crappy i felt throughout this past pregnancy, but what can you do when you're doing everything you know of to do?

[Surfacing]

Dear Prozac,

Thank you. Thank you for helping me to cope this past half year, during my pregnancy, postpartum, when dh's father died, and during this crazy rollercoaster of a year. I am so grateful that I can keep it together while things are falling apart around me, like this past week.

Poor dh has had a lot of difficulty this past 4 months. He doesn't deserve this.

One day at a time, one day at a time.

************************************************** ********

I had some dizziness for about 2 weeks after upping my dosage to 30 mg but it's mostly gone now. I also had this sense of unreality, like I've been watching things from afar, but I think this may be related to a SURVIVAL MECHANISM dammit, things have just been so crazy lately.

I can't believe it's nearly April and 1/3 of my maternity leave is gone. I am having nerves about returning to work. Maybe I should post in the working mamas forum.

Tonight finally I am getting a break, a moment to myself. I need to focus and find peace within.

[Surfacing]

Okay so I'm up and I thought I'd post, sorry, and thanks if you're reading. I didn't want to get into it earlier but I've awoken with a huge wave of anxiety tonight and I think I'd better get it written out here.

I feel so disappointed for dh. He tried an SSRI recently that had unbearable bad side effects for him. We've been having some marital troubles--some difficult conversations that were good and necessary but also very scary, regarding the past 3 years and the state of our relationship. This is on top of other major stressors over the past 4 months. He started a new job and missed time almost right away being sick with chronic bronchitis and another cold on top of it. Last week when we had a bad night due to our discussions he went into work very early -- too early -- and also vented some of his troubles to the new boss (not a good idea). The long and short of it is that he is returning to his previous job. This one paid better and also paid over the summer. Now we're going to have some trouble again financially which stresses me a bit. Sigh. I feel so disappointed for him because I know he's capable of this job but life has just dealt such a weighty hand for him right now, he's human! Everyone has a breaking point! He is coming off the SSRI with a big headache and finally got a bit of sleep. He is feeling low about himself due to the job thing.

I have been keeping it together emotionally etc., but for some reason tonight it's just catching up with me. Venting help. This will pass. I have been a bit surprised in the last day or so how my anxiety and a bit of my impatience/anger has returned. I hope it goes away quickly.

Dh just told me that dd1 is grinding her teeth loudly and hard at night. She's nearly 3. Now I am worried that she is under too much stress.

I am trying so hard to keep it all together. Seriously. For the most part I think that I, and we, are doing okay. I think we have a lot to be grateful for.

I'm just thinking that lack of sleep is catching up with me. And these added new stresses. I was quite worried for dh when he didn't sleep for 36 hrs as a side effect of the ssri plus the bad news about his job etc. I am enjoying dd1 very much lately (as well as dd2) but she's so energetic etc and sometimes I feel like I'm not giving her enough play, etc. She needs more from me than I can give right now, at times.

I think I should stop here. I could go on and on. Thanks for listening.

ETA - usually I can talk myself into a better mood lately. But tonight it doesn't seem to be working and I feel esp. hopeless a little. I am hoping this will pass with more sleep. Gads, I wonder if my pdoc will want to increase my meds YET AGAIN, even though I *just* had an increase.

Must stop catastrophising. Must get a snack (oh, that's another thing--I'm hungry....but I feel like I've gained a lot of weight lately--does Prozac do that? Or is it just all the easter chocolate and my lack of willpower? ). Good night.

[Surfacing]

After a good night's rest all seems brighter.

[riverundine]

it's amazing what sleep can do for our mental balance. i'm sorry for all the upheaval and emotional unrest right now. thoughts of warm rays of sunshine and fresh air and deep relaxation and deep cleansing breaths...:

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by Emese'sMom

I had some dizziness for about 2 weeks after upping my dosage to 30 mg but it's mostly gone now. I also had this sense of unreality, like I've been watching things from afar

Today I saw my pdoc and these symptoms (dizziness, sense of unreality) are still present after being on the increase for 3-4 weeks. She's suggested lowering the Prozac a bit and stacking some Wellbutrin or something else with a D (Desyrol? or something). Does anyone know about stacking or have any experience with it? I'm looking for some encouraging stories. Mom0810 - have you got anything to say about that? TIA

How's everyone else doing with anxiety etc.?

[creektownmama]

Hi girls,
I think I'll jump in since this issue seems to be the feature presentation of my life right now. I thought I was doing pretty good for a while after dd2 was born (5/08), but similar to my last ppd experience...it started to creep in at around 5-6mo. pp and it's been a very slippery slope. The past few weeks have gotten very tricky and I decided to go on the meds...Zoloft 50mg...I just want to be a good mother, I mean I know that I am...but it doesn't feel that way when I'm depressed and anxious.

ughh! I started them yesterday and was up half the night thankfully dh is a total night owl, so we hung out and talked, and laughed about really stupid stuff..kinda fun, except for the headache and weird spacey feeling.
I hope I start feeling better soon, ...how did it happen? I was keeping an eye out for it, taking my vitamins, planting my garden, and boom!

Last time I had ppd, I refused to take meds for almost 3 years....I was soooo hard on myself. Taking the meds makes me feel guilty, like I'm weak or taking the easy way out. This is probably why I'm posting in the mental health forum, huh? But I am determined to find a way out of this before I miss out on these precious early years with my kiddos.
Goddess help me
emese~ I am comforted by your posts....it's like a page from my own journal. Thanks for sharing!
river~ dh is hopefully switching jobs (remember me form chef forum?) it would be a 40 hour a week job!!!!!! at the foundry. hoping and praying for that!!!

[DQMama]

creektownmama--it sounds like you have been on meds before so maybe you know this, but the weird spacey feeling went away quickly for me. Also splitting the dose in half has helped me sleep (half in the morning, half at night). I don't know if it's just in my head or if it keeps the level of meds more constant, but it works.

[Surfacing]

Creektown I hope the meds are helpful to you now. I SO hear you on not wanting to miss out on the cruical early years with your kiddos. I really regret that it took me 2.5 yrs to get meds after I had my first.

You are not weak or taking the easy way out to get meds if/when you need them. Interesting that it has been at 5-6 mos. postpartum that your depression/anxiety is showing itself. Sounds like your dh is pretty supportive. That's good. Take care of yourself.

[Surfacing]

Mamas I need to post tonight. It's been a bit of rough going. My meds were working great (30 mg of Prozac per night) except that I noticed after the increase the dizziness, depersonalization and drowsiness were not going away. I LOVED the mood lift it gave me though and the patience. Loved it. Anyhow, my psychiatrist said let's go down to 20 mg with the Prozac and then we'll stack a bit of Wellbutrin or Desyrel to give you some added anti-dep affect, but cut back on the side effects that aren't going away.

I am super sensitive to meds and increased in 1/4 dozes, after awhile in 1/2 doses. It has worked well this way. But I agreed to go from 30 mg of prozac to 20 mg and had unpleasant discontinuation symptoms for a few days. On day 4 I took a mega dose of Omega 3's trying to rev up my metabolism some at dh's encouragement (we'd been reading about weight gain due to SSRI's and I've definitely gained weight). I think I had a drug interaction with the prozac and the fish oils. Ugh. It was not fun. My mood was quite wonky and there were many very unpleasant physical sensations and thoughts. Their intensity and the lack of my control over them unsettled me.

I spoke with my psychiatrist today and she agreed that perhaps we'd been weaning too quickly. I'm back up to 25 mg. I want to stay there. I like my meds! I like to feel sane and stable and happy and in control. The way I was feeling last night and a bit today reminds me of my traumatic teen years when things felt so out of control and I was suicidal. I hate feeling that way. Hate it.

Please pray for me and my journey.

I hope the rest of you are doing well. Anybody else care to chime in about how they are?

[notaperfectmom]

I know its been said but just another voice to confirm that your meds are probably working fine....but WOW with that kind of stress, no wonder some of it is pushing through to the surface.

I've been on meds since long before DS was born (anxiety & depression) and while they DEFINITELY work great for me, a couple of times I had that experience when something so stressfull would be lurking around my brain that I'd get some panic attacks...and then I'd have to sit back, figure out why, sort out the cause of stress and everything would eventually be back on an even keel. I'm making it sound easier than it is...but you get the idea.

I'm so sorry because it sounds like there are a lot of external causes of stress for you but if it helps at ALL...this is most probably just a totally natural reaction to everything going on around you.

I REALLY REALLY hope things start to sort themselves out for you soon...and you get some SLEEP. Really sending you good thoughts.....

[Surfacing]

Thanks

[EllieMac]

Is it just before a letdown of milk mama? I found this site about something called Depressive Milk Ejection Relfex and it talks about a wave of anxiety just prior to milk release. Check it out

www.D-MER.org

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by EllieMac

Is it just before a letdown of milk mama? I found this site about something called Depressive Milk Ejection Relfex and it talks about a wave of anxiety just prior to milk release. Check it out

www.D-MER.org

No, mercifully I get a strong sensation of sleepiness when my milk lets down, and relaxation. : Sometimes I feel a little breathless during a let down, or at most stressed/irritated if things going on around me are getting too much, but otherwise it's lovely.

Lately my nerves seem to be bad again. Oh well, gotta keep at it.