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Confession Session ..... Get it off your Chest

post #1 of 79
Thread Starter 
............... I sometimes worry that DS will not love my boy (my first, his second) as much as he does his daughter b/c she is his first born. He is emotionally absent from the fact that I am pregnant and to be honest I don't know if I see my self with him 5 years from now, hell even 2 years but it is what it is

p.s. this is not a judgment passing thread so if that is what you are about DON'T POST. this is to get it (what ever it is) off your chest...
post #2 of 79
Aww...I'm sorry you feel that way. I am sure it will be unfounded though, most parents feel that the second will be less loved/ adored or cant imagine life with another baby, but its really nothing to be worried about. I promise!

My confession is that I feel like a POS mother for scheduling a c/s. I feel like I am letting down myself, my family and most importantly my daughter by depriving her of a vaginal birth. It makes me feel like a lesser mother, and I am ashamed. I have to get past these feelings...but its so hard.
post #3 of 79
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by momtoafireteam View Post
Aww...I'm sorry you feel that way. I am sure it will be unfounded though, most parents feel that the second will be less loved/ adored or cant imagine life with another baby, but its really nothing to be worried about. I promise!

My confession is that I feel like a POS mother for scheduling a c/s. I feel like I am letting down myself, my family and most importantly my daughter by depriving her of a vaginal birth. It makes me feel like a lesser mother, and I am ashamed. I have to get past these feelings...but its so hard.
She is not my daughter, he had her before he met me. This is my first pregnancy so I guess I am more attached and emotional
post #4 of 79
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by momtoafireteam View Post
Aww...I'm sorry you feel that way. I am sure it will be unfounded though, most parents feel that the second will be less loved/ adored or cant imagine life with another baby, but its really nothing to be worried about. I promise!

My confession is that I feel like a POS mother for scheduling a c/s. I feel like I am letting down myself, my family and most importantly my daughter by depriving her of a vaginal birth. It makes me feel like a lesser mother, and I am ashamed. I have to get past these feelings...but its so hard.
You are no failure, you are doing what is in the best interest of your baby. It would negligent for you to do otherwise. *hugs*
post #5 of 79
Hugs to you guys...

My confession seems so petty, but here goes: I've never had a blessingway, belly cast or henna belly, and desperately want some mama-pampering. One friend has casually mentioned "doing something" but I want details. Now. Because this is all about me. ME. ME ME ME MEMEMEME.

I just feel like I'm running out of time. There are three family birthdays and Easter in the way between me and my due date, and if my friends don't save a date, there won't be any weekends left to use.
post #6 of 79
I had to delete my answer for this, I'm too afraid someone in "real life" will see it.
post #7 of 79
I still have days where I feel guilty/selfish about bringing a baby into this world for several reasons, the biggest being I have celiac disease and the baby will be at high risk for it since DH has it too. Not that celiac is the end of the world but being 29 and dealing with it is hard, being 5, 8, 15, 20 and dealing with it would suck even more
post #8 of 79
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama_ani View Post
I had to delete my answer for this, I'm too afraid someone in "real life" will see it.
I understand . I am glad that you at least got it out even if you deleted it!
post #9 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by NaturallyPeachey View Post
I still have days where I feel guilty/selfish about bringing a baby into this world for several reasons, the biggest being I have celiac disease and the baby will be at high risk for it since DH has it too. Not that celiac is the end of the world but being 29 and dealing with it is hard, being 5, 8, 15, 20 and dealing with it would suck even more
Statistically I think your kid has a 1 in 22 chance or so... but then, living gluten-free with two parents who have to anyway is really not going to be that difficult for the kid. And imagine how much easier it is to grow up with it than to have to make that change.

My son has been gluten-free for most of his life, since we *know* he reacts to wheat, and at least one family member has celiac, but we can't test him without him having a really uncomfortable rash for weeks while he consumes enough gluten to test positive... so we're keeping him gluten-free until he's old enough to decide for himself what he wants to do. I keep homemade cupcakes in the freezer and take them with us for birthday parties and stuff, and it just never phases him. He never even *asks* about having the birthday cake, because it's just always been a fact that they make him sick. We do plenty of treats at home, so it's not such a big deal to him when we're out. (He's also allergic to dairy, which lets out basically the entire dessert menu wherever we go.)

So, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you ;-). Growing up gluten-free is actually a LOT easier than starting it later!

My confession... hm. I feel old. I'm 34, but my knees have been shot for years. I feel like I already can't keep up with my DS, and now I'm going to have a new baby with a four-years-older mom. By the time my kids are having kids, I'll probably be 60 or close. My parents were 30 and 42 when I was born, and let me tell ya, I got tired of being asked if my dad was my grandfather. He died when I was 27. Anyway... I'd love to watch my grandchildren grow up and meet my great-grandchildren, but maybe it just won't happen. I needed to put off parenting for a LOT of reasons, but I do feel like this kid is getting slightly cheated by my age.
post #10 of 79
oh i totally feel you on the feeling old thing! i just turned 32 and will be having my first. i sit and do the math sometimes: i'll be HOW old @ a HS graduation? if we decide to have another, i'd have to turn around and do all this again HOW soon, to dodge the magic 35-yr mark? etc.

but i confess: i wouldn't change it for the world. i got to enjoy my 20s, make my mistakes and build my life to one into which i felt comfortable introducing a child. my kid(s?) will get to enjoy my thirties. their experience will be different than mine was with my parents (21/25 when i was born) but that's just part of life... generations march onward, society changes, and people live differently than their forebears.

another confession: the unknowns involved with having a baby (not knowing when he's coming, what he'll look like, what kind of person he'll be) are bringing out really scary control-freak aspects of my personality of which i was previously unaware. ack! it's like, my DH and i searched the world over before we found each other, waited until that perfect 'click' before we committed to each other because we fit just right. and now, here we go, introducing this unknown X quantity into our relationship, our home, our family. it seems so irresponsible!! i mean... what if he's a jerk or something? lol...
post #11 of 79
I'll confess that I've been feeling resentful that I'm not back home in Canada for the birth (I'm in Texas). I know all kinds of women there that would have done beautiful pictures for me, belly casts, henna belly, prenatal yoga classes etc. etc. Plus I would get a real maternity leave. I sometimes feel very alone and would love to be around some other pregnant women to talk about what I've been going through.
post #12 of 79
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meche View Post
Hugs to you guys...

My confession seems so petty, but here goes: I've never had a blessingway, belly cast or henna belly, and desperately want some mama-pampering. One friend has casually mentioned "doing something" but I want details. Now. Because this is all about me. ME. ME ME ME MEMEMEME.

I just feel like I'm running out of time. There are three family birthdays and Easter in the way between me and my due date, and if my friends don't save a date, there won't be any weekends left to use.
p.s. I have never had a blessingway either, my family wouldn't even know what it was if I told them ... *bummd*
and my grandma won't let me have a say in my baby shower because I am not paying for it ..............
post #13 of 79
thank you for this thread...

i'm soooo not feeling ready to be a mom again. it's so weird how different an unplanned pregnancy is. the other two were meticulously planned, and while i had concerns/fears that are normal with any pregnancy, i felt ready, i felt like i had agreed to take it on and knew what i was getting into. this time i'm feeling like i'm up the creek without a paddle. and for whatever reason, the universe has not been very kind to me of late and has thrown me a lot of hard stuff to deal with on top of it all. i'm feeling like i'm trapped in that nightmare where you show up late, naked, to the test you didn't study for. the worst part of it all is that i'm really feeling strongly that this is the last pregnancy i want to have. DH has always desired a very big family, and still talks about wanting his "six pack." i'm a little afraid to tell him how i feel about this, i know he'll support me but he'll be very sad about it to. Age is certainly a factor in that decision, though not the biggest one. But i am 34, and DH is 42. And lately i've been dreaming about a time when all my kids are old enough to not be nursing and co-sleeping anymore, to be in school during the day so i can teach more and keep up with the house and things more effectively, garden more, get some chickens and other livestock and feel like i have the time to keep up with them. I'm so ready to be a mom to kids instead of babies, and i know i've got at least 5 years to go before i am as it is - the thought of doing the baby thing *again* after this one makes me feel slightly ill. as it is i want to get on some kind of birth control (like an IUD) immediately after this baby is born. But i've even had thoughts about getting my tubes tied or other more permanent measures. i don't think i can handle another 'oops.'
post #14 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meche View Post
Hugs to you guys...

My confession seems so petty, but here goes: I've never had a blessingway, belly cast or henna belly, and desperately want some mama-pampering. One friend has casually mentioned "doing something" but I want details. Now. Because this is all about me. ME. ME ME ME MEMEMEME.

I just feel like I'm running out of time. There are three family birthdays and Easter in the way between me and my due date, and if my friends don't save a date, there won't be any weekends left to use.

I sort of feel the same way. I AM having 2 showers, but both sort of came about when somebody asked about a shower and then found out I wasn't having one. I'm so, so thankful that these 2 women (1 from my mom group, 1 from work) have volunteered, but they're not really the women I would have expected to have done it. In at least one case, my "closer" friends have commented that they hadn't even been asked to help. Well.....maybe you should have planned something earlier! Neither of these offers were made particularly early! :

I also secretly fear that, unlike other new mom friends of mine, I won't be showered with company and offers of food after the baby comes. I spent my entire maternity leave last time sitting at home alone with the baby. It was nice for a week, and then it got really lonely and depressing. This time I've seen how generous my mom group can be.....but I sort of doubt that it'll make it to me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dame View Post
I'll confess that I've been feeling resentful that I'm not back home in Canada for the birth (I'm in Texas). I know all kinds of women there that would have done beautiful pictures for me, belly casts, henna belly, prenatal yoga classes etc. etc. Plus I would get a real maternity leave. I sometimes feel very alone and would love to be around some other pregnant women to talk about what I've been going through.
Same. It makes me so sad that I'm in GA, not VT. It's just.....different.
post #15 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixiepunk View Post
I'm so ready to be a mom to kids instead of babies, and i know i've got at least 5 years to go before i am as it is - the thought of doing the baby thing *again* after this one makes me feel slightly ill.
Pixie, you wrote EXACTLY what I feel. That's my other confession. We planned and I really wanted this pregnancy, but because I wanted my kids to have another sibling, not because I really want to deal with a baby/toddler for the next four years. KWIM?

Now I feel soooooo done. No "oops" babies for us from here on out. DH will get snipped as soon as I give him the go-ahead after the birth. I am totally okay with that as I have never been before.

I am looking forward to meeting this little one, and birthing/babywearing/breastfeeding one last time. It's just bittersweet--I can't help regretting the last two miscarriages and think "I could be past all this by now."

I too feel really old for this stage (I just turned 36). I had always said I would never be as old as my mom was when she had me. One more year and I would be a hypocrite. All I can do now is be a better mom than she was.
post #16 of 79
Guilty that we're planning an "only". There are many personal and environmental reasons for it, and not that I think our child will be screwed up or anything, but it still makes me a little sad even though that's what we decided wholeheartedly we wanted our family to look like. My sister was almost 13 years older than me and now lives far away from the rest of us, so I've had a taste of what it's like. Granted, we now live in a major city with lots of opportunity for social interaction, whereas I grew up in the middle of nowhere and had very few friends, so it will be a bit different.

I guess the age thing tugs at me a little, espeically since my mom was 39 when she had me - and now none of my grandparent's generation is still alive, my father is gone, and my mother, even though she still kicks @$$ at 70+ and still works a somewhat physically demanding job with ease, is still getting up there in years. DH's parents are too. None of our family is nearby, so we only see mine a couple of times a year, DH's family even less. So with all of that I wonder what kind of familial connection our child will have to anyone when he/she grows up, ya' know?

Wow, I didn't even know I had all that in me...
post #17 of 79
I'm afraid I won't want another one.
post #18 of 79
I am terrified, absolutely terrified that this baby will be born too early. I mean, I'm holding back tears right now cause of this whole bedrest thing. I am seriously just upset and I need dh to stay home from work tonight cause I want him to look out for me since I am so scared and living on the couch but I know his work ethic won't let him. (not angry at him for it, just a tad sad)
post #19 of 79
I am upset with my dh. He was supposed to be out of town working in Virginia for no more than a week. Home this past Monday, then it got moved to Tuesday. As of last night he told me its going to be this coming Monday hes due home. I know its not that bad but to take care of dd, 2 dogs, loading wood in the woodstove 5 times a day really takes its toll on me when I am having BH, not sleeping well and trying to get things done and ready for this baby. And my dd hasn't been listening to me these past few days and hitting me when I tell her she can't do something.

And he hasn't started the nursery yet... UGHH

Thanks for letting me vent.
post #20 of 79
I have been getting so little sleep lately that i have been sneaking a small dose of benadryl at least once a week for the past month. I know it is supposed to be "safe" but i still feel guilty as heck.
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