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Writing prompt, February 20th!!! - Page 2

post #21 of 23
I enjoyed reading everyone's interpretation of the writing prompt. Thank you all for the feedback!

Sydnee...I really like this line in your story...how a smell can instantly bring us back to certain moments in our life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydnee View Post
Standing outside and inhaling that freshness can instantly transform me back. Back to those days of wondering and waiting who this new being is inside of me.
Puddle...I like how you compared past to present in each season. I liked the "summer" paragraph, especially this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by puddle View Post
As I get older, the summers grow shorter each year until they nearly disappear. For a time, they no longer mean the same thing--my break from the school year has been replaced with a slight break in traffic as I spend the hot summer days at my desk.
jenni22...I liked how you used each season as a point of reflection...I found myself wanting to know some of the answers to your questions. Maybe sometime you could go back and reflect more about the questions you are asking yourself. I liked how you described your migration...

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenni22 View Post
With the birds migrating across the sun's path, I also migrate, but into myself, for another season of reflection.
Vernabloom...I love your first two sentences. I was really grabbed by this part...

Quote:
Originally Posted by VernaBloom View Post
This winter seemed eternal, stretching from my childhood through my late teens. The tender seeds of what I could be lay dormant.

But then a spring came. New life emerged from me, punching through the icy shell that had held me for long. Young tendrils of new thought burst through the thaw and started to grow, deep rooted and audacious, striving for the sun.
...and I want to know what happens next!

Thanks for sharing everyone!

~jen
post #22 of 23
[QUOTE=jgm06;10642081]
Winter. White. Hibernation. Life growing inside, my belly rounder and rounder each passing day. I was born in December, the day of the first snow fall of that year. My mother missed my birth as snowflakes fell through the grey sky and jackhammers echoed through the hospital corridors. They put her under and pulled me into the world with forceps. Silver. Cold. Like the winter herself. Thirty years later, I watch the snow falling through my bedroom window, flakes escaping the tangled branches of empty trees. My hands follow the small kicks of my swimming baby. It’s as if we are playing a game of tag…kick…my hand gently presses…kick…my hand gently presses. Three more months and you’ll be ready to be born little life…into the spring.

I love this paragraph, how neat to bring in your own birth with the impending birth of your child, LOVE that!

[QUOTE=puddle;10643071]
I wait anxiously to see if I have fulfilled any of their dreams with my gift. The coldness of the season has always brought me to life. I love the feeling of winter tasting my nose while the rest of me is bundled up under thick coats and scarves and hats.

I love this part, because I feel the exact same way! I may not love have below zero temps, but being outside in the calm, stillness in winter is so invigorating for me.

[QUOTE=jenni22;10644363]
What bounty has the year brought to the garden of my soul?

I really enjoyed your whole piece, but this one stuck out the most for me. In fact, I wrote this quote down in my journal, because I feel it is a great thing to think about all year round. Not only what have I done for others, but what have I done for myself. Love that!

[QUOTE=VernaBloom;10647241]

I was a ripe little thing by the autumn of my kindergarten year. Dressed up in a corduroy jumper with a red velvet apple sewn onto the pocket, I marched my hearty self into the classroom and grabbed the books off the shelf like they were mine, munching the fruits of knowledge with glee.

I love this, I too had a red velvet jumper in Kindergarten that my mom had made. You really make a person feel like they are right there.
[QUOTE]

I honestly was really impressed by everyone's writing styles! I thought everyone had such a way with their words, a way to make me visualize what they were writing, and I love that. Great job everyone!!
post #23 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydnee View Post
But most important to me, is sharing the joy of my own kind of creation with Mother Nature.

The end of summer always brought the greatest surprise of all, the announcement of our "something new". Knowing that in ten short months, God will give us something so wonderful that will change our lives forever. I always feel that these few ending weeks of summer were the most blissful for me.

Once Winter's snow whittles away, you can begin to smell the freshness in the air as Spring begins to make it's entrance. Standing outside and inhaling that freshness can instantly transform me back. Back to those days of wondering and waiting who this new being is inside of me. Preparing my nest for God's newest creation, all the while watching the outside world prepare for their new arrivals.
Those were my favorite parts. I like how you related your pregnancies to the creation we find in the changing seasons. I think it would be interesting for you to develop this more and write about the changes in your body along with the seasons too. I do have to say, when I read the part about getting a baby in ten short months, I read it as if it were 10 months from when you found out--and it sounds like you carried those babies FOREVER. I really like the way you worked in the sense of smell too. It's such an important trigger for memories and it's so easily overlooked.... Off topic, but if I couldn't possibly have related my morning sickness to the seasons since it lasted until I was 38 weeks pregnant! You get bonus points for being the brave first poster.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jgm06 View Post
Winter. White. Hibernation. Life growing inside, my belly rounder and rounder each passing day. I was born in December, the day of the first snow fall of that year. My mother missed my birth as snowflakes fell through the grey sky and jackhammers echoed through the hospital corridors. They put her under and pulled me into the world with forceps. Silver. Cold. Like the winter herself. Thirty years later, I watch the snow falling through my bedroom window, flakes escaping the tangled branches of empty trees. My hands follow the small kicks of my swimming baby. It’s as if we are playing a game of tag…kick…my hand gently presses…kick…my hand gently presses. Three more months and you’ll be ready to be born little life…into the spring.
This whole piece was absolutely beautiful. Your writing is so personal and vulnerable. It makes me a little teary every time I read it--thank you for sharing. This paragraph is my favorite. I love the reflection on your mother's experience--the contrast to your own experience of the pregnancy is striking. I really think you should work with this piece and develop it into something. If you ever do--please share it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jenni22 View Post
With the bright sun glistening on the clean pure snow, I find the solace to answer these questions and more.

With the green and the vibrant colors sprouting and reaching up for the golden sun, I find myself reaching up and out for a beautiful new year.

With the fiery sun sparkling across the waters, I feel comforted in it's warmth, and it strikes in me a passion to fulfill my heart's desires.

With the birds migrating across the sun's path, I also migrate, but into myself, for another season of reflection.
These last sentences are my favorite parts. I like the way you turned the seasons inward into your own reflection instead of focusing on outward experiences. This was a unique and interesting take on the prompt. My one suggestion is to vary the sentence type a bit. The strings of questions lose their impact for me after the first couple. If you break those up a bit, I think you'll have a stronger piece. I really enjoyed reading this--thanks for sharing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VernaBloom View Post
I was a ripe little thing by the autumn of my kindergarten year. Dressed up in a corduroy jumper with a red velvet apple sewn onto the pocket, I marched my hearty self into the classroom and grabbed the books off the shelf like they were mine, munching the fruits of knowledge with glee.
This was my favorite paragraph. I like how it's chatty and casual. What was your nanowrimo novel excerpt about? I think I may have read it? I totally related to the winter thing. Mine happened in about 7th grade. I really like your writing style. Maybe you would be more comfortable writing about yourself if you thought of yourself as a character? Get inside your head the way you get inside the head of your characters. I like the illustrations you use in this paragraph and the winter one. Maybe you could find something similar for summer and spring? Especially for spring... I want to know what kinds of new thoughts and how this was manifested. Moremoremore--I'm a greedy reader.


I really enjoyed reading everyone's writings--thank you for sharing!! I like the way that we all interpreted the prompt so differently.
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