I'm not sure what to make of this

[jannan]

Yesterday dd and i ran into this couple we know. they have two kids 2 years old and the 4.8 year old. I really love them as they have always loved dd and ds. we meet when both sara(the mom) and i were in the hospital having our children. then both were in the icn at the same hospital. we go to each others birthday parties, chat occasionally on the phone and try to get together but it is hard because of my work schedule. so, after we ran into each other she invites us over for lunch, dd and i agree to go because dd loves to play with jacob, her son. In the past I've observed him really crazy and wild, out of control. at one point we were in a taqueria and he was licking the floors. this was back in May and we hadn't seen them since then. so, we go to their house. Jacob and the baby are running around in dirty clothes, runny noses and the baby's hair hadn't been brushed in a bout a good two weeks. we're at the table. jacob is being really silly, can't settle down stuffing food in his mouth. sara insists that he only acts this way when dd is over...whatever that means. You are probably wondering what dd is doing. well, she is laughing with him, enjoying it. I tell her to settle down and she behaves. I actually threated to leave a few times. So , i am sitting directly across from jacob. his mouth is full of food and juice . he laughs and sprays me and my lunch with apple juice, pieces of tofu, sea weed and other food. sara was embarrassed. I felt bad for her. but all she said was "It was'nt his fault, he was coughing." I felt so bad for her. but jacob was not dealt with. I repeat, i feel bad for her. she is a good mom and i really love jacob and Liat(his sister)


What would you have done?

All I did was say "don't worry about it " and i kind of picked at my lunch.

[SarahGuinn]

Re: I'm not sure what to make of this

Originally posted by jannan
All I did was say "don't worry about it " and i kind of picked at my lunch.

I wouldn't have done anything different. There but for the grace of good timing go I, you know?

It's hard being the mother of a high needs kid. Especially when watching a relatively well behaved child interact with them.

[journeymom]

Just coughed? Maybe. I guess it doesn't matter, he is just a little kid. It's sad, because this might end up being one of those situations where the child suffers from various subtle forms of social isolation when the parents don't get a handle on the child's alienating behavior.

I never know what to think about the messy hair and runny noses,etc. Heaven knows my own kids have looked grubby and unappealing often enough. Especially when they've got colds! Or have been having a good time in the dirt. Or both!

My own ds, 4 y.o., does get the sillys when guests come over. Especially around boys his own age. He gets over the top silly. But I make an effort to keep him from being a nuisance.

I try to keep them clean, but after a while that's irritating. I would change them into some clean clothes befor guests came, though.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Well, seems like there might be several possibilities going on here, and whether you want to deal with it may depend on how good a friendship you want this to be. It could have just been a bad day. Or, it could be that this parent has different standards than you do for cleanliness and behaviour. If that's the case, then you can either decide to live with it or not be friends.

But, a couple of other possibilities spring to mind too. Maybe the child is very high needs (which you can only ignore) or maybe something else is wrong? If you are good friends you might want to ask some questions to see if the mother has noticed how "off" the child seems and maybe encourage some sort of evaluation if necessary. Or, if it looks like the mother is neglecting basics, maybe she is having a problem with depression (or some sort of substance abuse). If you think this might be a possiblity, you can either decide to be a really good friend and talk about it, decide you can live with it and continue as you are, or decide that you don't want to be involved and stop spending time with the family.