Guilt and not breastfeeding -- interesting quote

[MaryJaneLouise]

I recently read this interesting article:

"Exploration of Guilt Among Mothers Who Do Not Breastfeed: The Physician’s Role" Miriam Labbok, MD, MPH. It is published in Journal of Human Lactation, February 2008, and its abstract is available here:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...ubmed_RVDocSum

Here's a good quote from the article I would like to share:

The Convention on the Rights of the Child notes
that it is every child’s right to a healthy start in life
and, therefore, among other dictates, is the consideration
that all parents should be informed about the
importance of breastfeeding. Given that being breastfed
is a child’s right, the mother is placed in the position
of duty-bearer to the child; no one else is able to
take on this particular duty, save the mother. However,
in the rights construct, the mother can only be expected
to accept this duty if responsibility is also accepted by
those around her to fully enable her in this role.

It is therefore the responsibility of the family, the
workplace, the health care provider, the third-party
payer, and society as a whole to ensure that she has all
necessary information and support that she may need
to choose and succeed in breastfeeding. If this support
is not provided, these others are the ones to bear the
guilt of not fulfilling their responsibilities. No mother
can or should be expected to fulfill this duty unless all
fulfill their responsibilities to the mother. The guilty
parties in this construct are policy makers, health care
providers, and society in general.

[miche28]

:

[AnalogWife]

That IS interesting. My pedi was very supportive of BF when DS was first born, but I've since sensed his enthusiasm for it waning in his past few appts...which makes me self conscious about discussing it with him.

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

That is wonderfuly worded! I've always felt that the task of lactivism shouldn't be to pressure individual mothers to breastfeed but rather to ensure that any and all barriers to breastfeeding are elimintaed. I think if the pressures of unsuportive family, work environments, healthcare proffesionals and society in general weren't there, most women would chose to breasfeed and be succesful at it. With those pressures in place it is a struggle to brestfeed and no one shuld feel guilt for not overcoming that.

[Mbella]

This is a great quote! I EP'd for dd until she was 10 months old. At ten months I was having serious pumping problems. Besides dh and pedi almost everyone around me told me to quit and was not supportive of me continuing. Luckily I had a freezerful of milk for dd (almost 1000 oz) and only had to supplement a little. But I still feel guilty today for not continuing longer. This quote makes me feel a little better though knowing that others around me (including my workplace) should also take responsibility for not fulfilling their responsibilities in supporting me and what I was doing for dd (even if they will never recognize it).

Thank you for the wonderful quote!

[Nate'sMama]

AMEN!

My sister was left in a room by herself with a manual breastpump as her baby was in the NICU. No instruction or support. Needless to say her baby was FF.

[FREEmom1120]

Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan

I think if the pressures of unsuportive family, work environments, healthcare proffesionals and society in general weren't there, most women would chose to breasfeed and be succesful at it. With those pressures in place it is a struggle to brestfeed and no one shuld feel guilt for not overcoming that.

I appreciate the thought that no one should feel guilty for not overcoming the pressures and lack of support. Unfortunately, I doubt that any healthcare professionals or unsupportive family members of moms who struggled are losing any sleep.

For me personally, bf was never a question, but my bf relationship was sabbotaged by not one, but 2 "lactation" nurses at the hospital from day 1. Even after going to an awesome IBCLC four or five times, I had serious supply issues and could not keep up with the exclusive pumping because it was totally preventing me from having a relationship with my daughter. Granted if this had happened to most moms (not MDC moms), they would say "oh well, it didn't work", but for those who seriously desired to bf, the guilt and sadness lingers on (and, no, I don't think feeling guilt always means you made wrong decision).

I'm sort of grateful for the experience though, so that I can be increasingly sensitive in my lactivism. Yes, most people who ff probably didn't try at all or not very hard, but the ones that really cared and did try but lacked the support like the quote spoke of really need compassion...and ideas for how they can get the support they need to nurse future children.

[gabysmom617]

Off topic:
Freemom, I HAVE to say, your dd had the yummiest cheeks in the whole wide world!!!!

[rmzbm]

Awesome quote!

[pinky]

Ahhhh....Miriam Labbok is awesome. She is local to me so I have had the opportunity to hear her talk a number of times and she always blows me away.
(And as an interesting aside, I'm almost certain that she herself doesn't have children!)

[FREEmom1120]

Originally Posted by gabysmom617

Off topic:
Freemom, I HAVE to say, your dd had the yummiest cheeks in the whole wide world!!!!

Thanks!! I can't get enough of them!! She has a super cute overbite too. lol both from me!!

[star*mora]

great quote

support is more important than messages of breast is best

support for the child for every mother and for each other

[Meiri]

I agree with the quote.

Yet how to get that message out to the sabotuers?

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

Originally Posted by FREEmom1120

I appreciate the thought that no one should feel guilty for not overcoming the pressures and lack of support. Unfortunately, I doubt that any healthcare professionals or unsupportive family members of moms who struggled are losing any sleep.

For me personally, bf was never a question, but my bf relationship was sabbotaged by not one, but 2 "lactation" nurses at the hospital from day 1. Even after going to an awesome IBCLC four or five times, I had serious supply issues and could not keep up with the exclusive pumping because it was totally preventing me from having a relationship with my daughter. Granted if this had happened to most moms (not MDC moms), they would say "oh well, it didn't work", but for those who seriously desired to bf, the guilt and sadness lingers on (and, no, I don't think feeling guilt always means you made wrong decision).

I'm sort of grateful for the experience though, so that I can be increasingly sensitive in my lactivism. Yes, most people who ff probably didn't try at all or not very hard, but the ones that really cared and did try but lacked the support like the quote spoke of really need compassion...and ideas for how they can get the support they need to nurse future children.

I get that for those who really wanted to bf and found they couldn't, there is guilt and sorrow. I'm sure i would feel that way if it hadn't worked out for me. What i was trying to say though is that as lactivists, we don't need to and shouldn't be focusing on moms who don't bf. We need to focus on the system that makes it so difficult for some women to bf kwim? What happened to you was awful. I would rather find ways to make sure it doesn't happen to other moms (and I'm aware that this will be a long hard battle) than to wast my time adding to your guilt over something that wasn't your fault.

[Meiri]

I don't think that any mom who did her best at the time should be feeling any guilt at all.

Regret, I can see, if later she starts thinking maybe she should have tried harder or something, but really, I think we all are doing our best at any given time, but guilt? no. you're not guilty for not doing what you didn't know about or weren't fully informed about or were sabotaged in trying to do.

[katheek77]

Absolutely. I had myriad problems. However, I had tons of support and NON-judgment from important people in my life. Almost everyone I know who I throw into this category told me that they were fine with whatever I decided, and would support me EITHER way. Which might sound wishy-washy, but, it was very important that I didn't feel *pressured* by those close to me. And they've lived up to it. I don't know how many times DH has taken a fussy, angry daughter out of my hands so I could pump. Or has patiently waited while I pumped in a parking lot before we went in someplace. Or, my mom (who breastfed me for two weeks total, so, not exactly a lactivist) who held Christmas dinner for half an hour while I pumped upstairs (I'd been helping her get everything ready and HAD to pump) - and that was when Katie was nearly 18 mos old. Or my best friend (a quintessential hippie ), who breastfed all three of her kids, and comforted me and told me it would be ok when Katie was a week old and we knew I'd have to supplement. I have a supportive pediatrician (who I happened on by chance), a supportive nursing staff at the ped's office, and an ob/gyn who didn't even say "boo" when I told him at my annual that I was still nursing Katie at 19+ mos. I had an employer who understood that I'd be pumping every two hours, and was absolutely ok with it (I was even paid for that time).

I honestly don't know what would have happened if I'd gotten the opposite reaction. I am very lucky that I am surrounded by people who are mostly very supportive of breastfeeding and what I'm trying to do.