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I am such an awful person

post #1 of 34
2/22/08 at 7:22pm
Thread Starter 
*Sigh*

I want another baby so bad. I still haven't got that first AF yet either. I think I'm having problems with my thyroid that's preventing it from happening.

I hear about relatives or others havaing babies, and I get insanely jealous, that I need to be alone for awhile so I can cry and hit something because it's not fair and I get mad about it. Then I think awful thoughts & hope they miscarry . I'm awful, I know , especially when I know that the person shouldn't be having another right now (my sister, for example).

My womb is literally aching for another, I feel so empty and worthless when I'm not pregnant. It's hard to describe it exactly.

I don't know what to do about it either. I'm on an anti-depressant, but it doesn't help much. I don't know why I have this obsession with babies either.

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with posting this, but I just had to get it out.
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post #2 of 34
2/22/08 at 7:26pm


do you have a counselor to talk to? it sounds like kind of a serious issue. baby fever is one thing, but what you're describing sounds like more. it is especially worrisome that you feel empty and worthless when you're not pregnant.

i am really sorry you are feeling this way. how old is your youngest?
post #3 of 34
2/22/08 at 7:32pm
Thread Starter 
My youngest is just about 14 months old. I've tried therapy, but either the lady just doesn't get it, or just didn't care. I mean, I told her EVERYTHING that was bothering me; I haven't opened up like that to anyone ever. I don't know what else to do.
post #4 of 34
2/22/08 at 7:39pm
I've been there . I don't have any advice (sorry) I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I also was able to pull myself out of it, it took time, but I did have to take medication and get therapy for a while, I needed to do something drastic because I got nothing from therapy being so depressed. Doesn't make sense but it is true. When I was in the hole, there was nothing the therapist could do or say to help me. Once I had the right meds I was able to crawl up enough to get the help I needed. You don't need to stay on meds necessarily, they do have their uses though.
post #5 of 34
2/22/08 at 7:43pm
I don't have advice either, but I had to post.
post #6 of 34
2/22/08 at 7:52pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
I've been there . I don't have any advice (sorry) I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I also was able to pull myself out of it, it took time, but I did have to take medication and get therapy for a while, I needed to do something drastic because I got nothing from therapy being so depressed. Doesn't make sense but it is true. When I was in the hole, there was nothing the therapist could do or say to help me. Once I had the right meds I was able to crawl up enough to get the help I needed. You don't need to stay on meds necessarily, they do have their uses though.
Thank you . I hope I can get past this too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimiharshe View Post
I don't have advice either, but I had to post.
I appreciate that, thanks .
post #7 of 34
2/22/08 at 9:24pm
Thread Starter 
I guess I should just be fortunate to have what I have & just try to get over this. But I don't know how.

I hope I don't come across as ungrateful or anything like that, because I know I'm very lucky to have 6 beautiful children. That yearning for another will always be there.
post #8 of 34
2/22/08 at 9:26pm
Mama, do you think you are just feeling like you want another baby or is it more than that b/c you feel that you aren't worth anything w/o being pregnant or having a baby?!

Is this a self worth issue? Is this a depression issue? Or do you just want to have another baby?

I do think resenting others who are pregnant to the point of wanting them to miscarry is sad.

So, what do you think it is? We are usually the best at figuring this stuff out if we just stop and listen to ourselves.
post #9 of 34
2/22/08 at 9:50pm

I think being pg can be exciting and a wonderful distraction. I found being pg made me feel special and it's easy to crave that feeling when I'm feeling blue. When you're (general 'you') focused on a pg, it's very easy to ignore the areas in your life that are lacking.
I'm sorry therapy didn't help you. Hope you start to feel better soon!
post #10 of 34
2/22/08 at 9:57pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimiharshe View Post
Mama, do you think you are just feeling like you want another baby or is it more than that b/c you feel that you aren't worth anything w/o being pregnant or having a baby?!

Is this a self worth issue? Is this a depression issue? Or do you just want to have another baby?

I do think resenting others who are pregnant to the point of wanting them to miscarry is sad.

So, what do you think it is? We are usually the best at figuring this stuff out if we just stop and listen to ourselves.
I honestly don't know at this point.
post #11 of 34
2/22/08 at 10:01pm
Just wanted to offer my support. Best wishes to you.
post #12 of 34
2/23/08 at 12:08am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyofmany View Post
I honestly don't know at this point.
Mama, you need to get really quiet, pray and listen. See what you hear. Do you get ppd usually?
post #13 of 34
2/23/08 at 11:16am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
Just wanted to offer my support. Best wishes to you.
Thank you .

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimiharshe View Post
Mama, you need to get really quiet, pray and listen. See what you hear. Do you get ppd usually?
I will do that. I don't usually get PPD, so this is really messing me up. Thank you for your help .
post #14 of 34
2/23/08 at 11:26am
mommy.. something to cheer you up. I have NEVER seen such an active signature on MDC

I swear, you have us all beat!!!


Take care of yourself, you're not an awful person and I hope you feel better soon

Peace
post #15 of 34
2/23/08 at 11:34am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imogen View Post
mommy.. something to cheer you up. I have NEVER seen such an active signature on MDC

I swear, you have us all beat!!!


Take care of yourself, you're not an awful person and I hope you feel better soon

Peace
Thanks! That made me ! I needed that!
post #16 of 34
2/23/08 at 12:02pm
I wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel.....sometimes we think awful thoughts.....that doesn't make you an awful person, it makes you human.
Take care of yourself.....enjoy the life you have and be grateful everyday...when you feel those thoughts creeping up, find something to be grateful for....
sometimes it will feel forced, but eventually it will be second nature.
I hope you get the help and support you need...if I were closer, I would come over and have tea with you.....and just listen.
if you would like to pm me and think it might help....I have one of those "types of thoughts" that I have over and over...and it makes me feel like a bad person too.....but I have to remind myself I am only a human being...we make mistakes, we have bad thoughts sometimes...and we move on and try our best to be better....its all we can do.
post #17 of 34
2/23/08 at 9:30pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mothertoall View Post
I wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel.....sometimes we think awful thoughts.....that doesn't make you an awful person, it makes you human.
Take care of yourself.....enjoy the life you have and be grateful everyday...when you feel those thoughts creeping up, find something to be grateful for....
sometimes it will feel forced, but eventually it will be second nature.
I hope you get the help and support you need...if I were closer, I would come over and have tea with you.....and just listen.
if you would like to pm me and think it might help....I have one of those "types of thoughts" that I have over and over...and it makes me feel like a bad person too.....but I have to remind myself I am only a human being...we make mistakes, we have bad thoughts sometimes...and we move on and try our best to be better....its all we can do.
Thank you Christine. I'll PM you when I have more time .
post #18 of 34
2/23/08 at 9:43pm
Have you been to a doctor about your thyroid?

Quote:
I feel so empty and worthless when I'm not pregnant.
You are more than a uterus. Until you realize that, you're not going to be happy and you're not going to feel fulfilled. A therapist could probably help you, as could an increased dosage of your current anti-depressant or maybe a different anti-depressant.
post #19 of 34
2/24/08 at 12:43am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Sweeties1Angel View Post
Have you been to a doctor about your thyroid?



You are more than a uterus. Until you realize that, you're not going to be happy and you're not going to feel fulfilled. A therapist could probably help you, as could an increased dosage of your current anti-depressant or maybe a different anti-depressant.
I'm seeing a new doctor on Tuesday about my thyroid. I know I'm more than an incubator, but I'm not completely happy unless I'm pregnant. It's hard to explain.

I'm going to look into what other therapists are in the area. I know I need more than what the other one gave me, which wasn't much, to be honest.
post #20 of 34
2/24/08 at 12:55am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimiharshe View Post
Mama, you need to get really quiet, pray and listen. See what you hear. Do you get ppd usually?
THIS......
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