We lost our baby in the first trimester, just this past week. It was a horrible experience, just so incredibly sad. I'm going to heal OK though, and try to do my best to live in joy again, although I also know the grief will take a long time to subside. I have written lots about this in the pregnancy loss forum.
But another smaller grief is hurting, too. While I was in the hospital this past week, my oldest daughter called my mom, who lives locally, and told her what was going on. I had not had the time, or desire, to call anyone myself yet. I was still absorbing the blow. Anyway, almost a week has gone by. My mom has not called one time, or e-mailed, or made any contact at all to offer her condolences.
While it is true that my mom has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and is generally very hard to get along with, has no friends, and is a total misogynist, I had thought maybe she could step out of her own head long enough to acknowledge our loss. I told DH, May God strike me dead if one of our kids ever loses a baby someday and we don't even bother to call them. But it really hurts, and really sucks, that my own mom so totally does not give a crap about us that she has not even called. How depressing.
The last time she was over (about 6 weeks ago), she walked out on us, just stomped out and left without thanking us for the meals or saying any goodbyes, even to the kids. This she did because we were not able to do everything according to HER schedule, on HER wishes, in HER way.....I was getting ready to put the kids to bed, and she came rushing upstairs and said she wanted such-and-such RIGHT NOW, because she was wanting to go home. I asked her politely if she could wait 2 minutes, because my hands were full right then, and she responded that I was a self-centered immature person who always wanted everyone to wait for me and do things my way, blah blah blah. (Nothing could be further from the truth.) She literally just walked out. I came downstairs 3 minutes later and she was gone. Incredible. How RUDE.
Anyway, I waited a few days and called her, asking why she had left without saying goodbye. I was trying to make some peace, hoping to have a dialogue. She just told me again that I am a rotten person and immature, and raged and said total CRAP, and then hung up on me. Incredible. I gave up calling her.
Then the miscarriage happened. I thought she might even just call to offer her support. But apparently, her desire to nurse a fake grudge and to hate me because I am female (yes she has serious gender confusion issues!!!), apparently that desire is stronger than her desire to support her only daughter at this time. I did not expect her to be nurturing---as you can expect, she does not do the nurture thing---but I did kind of expect her to give a damn.
It is safe to say that my relationship with her is totally over, 100% over. I cannot have such a toxic person around my kids, my husband and myself. She must be such an unhappy person inside, so full of self-loathing. It is why she has no friends and stays home alone with her dog all day, year after year. How depressing.
My dad died when I was little. But now I truly have NO parents. Anyone else here have no parents? It is strange. It is sad, and right now I could really use a good dose of mothering myself. Thank god for good women friends, my spouse, my wonderful kids.
But another smaller grief is hurting, too. While I was in the hospital this past week, my oldest daughter called my mom, who lives locally, and told her what was going on. I had not had the time, or desire, to call anyone myself yet. I was still absorbing the blow. Anyway, almost a week has gone by. My mom has not called one time, or e-mailed, or made any contact at all to offer her condolences.
While it is true that my mom has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and is generally very hard to get along with, has no friends, and is a total misogynist, I had thought maybe she could step out of her own head long enough to acknowledge our loss. I told DH, May God strike me dead if one of our kids ever loses a baby someday and we don't even bother to call them. But it really hurts, and really sucks, that my own mom so totally does not give a crap about us that she has not even called. How depressing.
The last time she was over (about 6 weeks ago), she walked out on us, just stomped out and left without thanking us for the meals or saying any goodbyes, even to the kids. This she did because we were not able to do everything according to HER schedule, on HER wishes, in HER way.....I was getting ready to put the kids to bed, and she came rushing upstairs and said she wanted such-and-such RIGHT NOW, because she was wanting to go home. I asked her politely if she could wait 2 minutes, because my hands were full right then, and she responded that I was a self-centered immature person who always wanted everyone to wait for me and do things my way, blah blah blah. (Nothing could be further from the truth.) She literally just walked out. I came downstairs 3 minutes later and she was gone. Incredible. How RUDE.
Anyway, I waited a few days and called her, asking why she had left without saying goodbye. I was trying to make some peace, hoping to have a dialogue. She just told me again that I am a rotten person and immature, and raged and said total CRAP, and then hung up on me. Incredible. I gave up calling her.
Then the miscarriage happened. I thought she might even just call to offer her support. But apparently, her desire to nurse a fake grudge and to hate me because I am female (yes she has serious gender confusion issues!!!), apparently that desire is stronger than her desire to support her only daughter at this time. I did not expect her to be nurturing---as you can expect, she does not do the nurture thing---but I did kind of expect her to give a damn.
It is safe to say that my relationship with her is totally over, 100% over. I cannot have such a toxic person around my kids, my husband and myself. She must be such an unhappy person inside, so full of self-loathing. It is why she has no friends and stays home alone with her dog all day, year after year. How depressing.
My dad died when I was little. But now I truly have NO parents. Anyone else here have no parents? It is strange. It is sad, and right now I could really use a good dose of mothering myself. Thank god for good women friends, my spouse, my wonderful kids.
My toddler ripped a curtain rod and full set of curtains down by swinging on them. I have to pick up my 5-yr-old from preschool in 20 minutes, the damned plumber is still here, and DH is not answering his cell phone. 
:
mama!
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