Some background: DSS is 13 (14 in April). He and his mom live about 15 minutes away from us. Normally, he would be at our house one or two nights during the week, and every weekend. Now that my DH is deployed, he is only here one night during the week (his mom's choice). I have a son of my own who is 3.
When you buy your DSS things (toys, clothes, shoes, games, etc.), what do you expect them to leave at your house, and what do you allow them to take back to their other parent's house?
Over the years, we've bought DSS lots of things that made their way over to his mom's house, never to be seen again.
Last year, it was a video game system (I have no idea which one, but it was some wonderful thing that everyone had to have or their heads might explode. Or something like that.). We let him take it to his mom's right away, because we didn't think it was fair that he'd only get to play with it on weekends. We've never seen it again.
This year, I've bought him things like socks and winter outerwear because he needed them desperately (his socks were all full of holes and the only gloves he ever had were too small and no longer waterproof - he'd come in with blue hands!). All of it went to his mom's house, and now when he is here, he's back to wearing holey socks and old, beat up gloves.
The latest thing is that he's started taking things from his bedroom: his alarm clock and a desk lamp and his winter pajamas. This last week, I wondered why he didn't change into his pajamas, and then in the morning when he got up for school, he was in just boxers and the t-shirt he wore to school. After he left, I looked everywhere and his PJ's were gone. At that time I noticed the clock and lamp were gone, too. I called him that night, and he said that they are all at his mom's because he "likes them (all 3 things) better than the ones he had at his mom's", and if they are his things why should it matter what he does with them?
I told him that all that was true, they are his things, but now he doesn't have a clock or a lamp or PJ's at our house, and (typical teenager?) he said "I don't care".
I feel like, at almost 14, he's too old for me to search his bag when he leaves to see if he's taking a pair of socks home that I'd like to be left here.
Maybe I shouldn't care if he chooses to not bring these things back. If his feet are cold from wearing holey socks, I guess that's his choice. Same with the gloves. But where do I draw the line? Where do you draw the line? I do feel bad because I make sure that my son is wearing warm clothing that fits, and DSS looks like a street urchin. (No, I don't care if he looks a little sloppy, but I do care if his clothes are too small or not warm enough or full of holes, when I know he has stuff that is the right size, etc.)
When you buy your DSS things (toys, clothes, shoes, games, etc.), what do you expect them to leave at your house, and what do you allow them to take back to their other parent's house?
Over the years, we've bought DSS lots of things that made their way over to his mom's house, never to be seen again.
Last year, it was a video game system (I have no idea which one, but it was some wonderful thing that everyone had to have or their heads might explode. Or something like that.). We let him take it to his mom's right away, because we didn't think it was fair that he'd only get to play with it on weekends. We've never seen it again.
This year, I've bought him things like socks and winter outerwear because he needed them desperately (his socks were all full of holes and the only gloves he ever had were too small and no longer waterproof - he'd come in with blue hands!). All of it went to his mom's house, and now when he is here, he's back to wearing holey socks and old, beat up gloves.
The latest thing is that he's started taking things from his bedroom: his alarm clock and a desk lamp and his winter pajamas. This last week, I wondered why he didn't change into his pajamas, and then in the morning when he got up for school, he was in just boxers and the t-shirt he wore to school. After he left, I looked everywhere and his PJ's were gone. At that time I noticed the clock and lamp were gone, too. I called him that night, and he said that they are all at his mom's because he "likes them (all 3 things) better than the ones he had at his mom's", and if they are his things why should it matter what he does with them?
I told him that all that was true, they are his things, but now he doesn't have a clock or a lamp or PJ's at our house, and (typical teenager?) he said "I don't care".
I feel like, at almost 14, he's too old for me to search his bag when he leaves to see if he's taking a pair of socks home that I'd like to be left here.
Maybe I shouldn't care if he chooses to not bring these things back. If his feet are cold from wearing holey socks, I guess that's his choice. Same with the gloves. But where do I draw the line? Where do you draw the line? I do feel bad because I make sure that my son is wearing warm clothing that fits, and DSS looks like a street urchin. (No, I don't care if he looks a little sloppy, but I do care if his clothes are too small or not warm enough or full of holes, when I know he has stuff that is the right size, etc.)
She received in her V-Day box from another child at school (what kind of cruel joke were the parents of that child playing?) and was, uh, very enthusiastic about it. All. Night. Long. I totally expected it to come back, but I haven't seen it yet.
:
, that would not have kept me from throwing a selfish fit about it.
Clothes it was OK to take as long as they CAME HOME - either by wearing or bringing. Toys and books were for my entertainment, and I could leave them where I wanted provided I didn't go whining about being bored.
:
Follow Mothering