Do you have any type of advice or policy on clients watching their birth video

[scifimom]

when the birth was kinda scary? Not sure how to word this sorry. I recently had my first birth that required some resuscitation and a transfer for mom and baby. Both are doing great now, baby was fine by the time they got to the hospital even. But, on my 24 hour check in they expressed some interest in watching the video, they seem to have put aside in their minds that it got as scary as it did. I wasn't sure when the video taping got stopped, I know it was before the medics got there, but what was on there was pretty frightening just with baby being blue and lifeless, and mom hemorrhaging next to me as I worked on the baby etc. Anyways I suggested they not watch the video for a few weeks, to give mom some time for her hormones to settle down and just to spend the time with the baby not adding extra worry. But I've never had to deal with this before, what have you all done in cases like this? I would like to be there to watch it with them when they do watch and explain, would a six week appt. be good for that maybe? Or wait until they ask? Steal the video and hide it? lol just kidding

[Genesis]

I understand your advice to them, but it is their birth video and if they want to watch it, that's their choice. Also, why do you want to be there when they watch it?

[MsBlack]

It is certainly their decision, but I think in your place I might also be likely to caution them about doing it so soon...ask them to think about it a bit. And I probably would offer to watch it with them for the reasons you give--but of course would leave that up to them, too.

[momileigh]

I always advise that parents DO NOT watch their birth video until they've had time to process their memories themselves. I tell them that the moment they watch the video, all of their memories will be overridden by what they saw on that screen. (It is true, I really believe that.) No matter how beautiful a birth is, the memory of it is just as important (perhaps MORE important) as what actually, factually happened. I ask them to please each write a detailed birth story from their own perspectives. Give it a few months. Maybe they'll watch it on their baby's first birthday! Of course, you can't force them to follow any recommendations, and you can't make the decision for them, but I find that I'm persuasive enough to get most people to hold off for a while. I saw my birth on TV months after it took place, and boy was it different than I remembered! But because I waited, and I wrote a detailed story, I have BOTH memories: what happened from my perspective at the time, and exactly how the birth looked from a camera's perspective.

[Jane]

I also give the advice that Leigh gives. I use the example of wedding memories - how the "mind" memories are different from the photo album and the videotape. A very romantic wedding might have a video that's all nuts and bolts.

[tlcdoula]

Personally I think you can make your recommendations but it is their birth and their video so it is their choice on when they should watch it. I also think you should leave it up to them to determine whether they want you there or not. Do they have the video? If not then why not?

Honestly I think I would be angry if I was told I couldn't watch my birth video or that someone needed to be there as to me that is my personal space, but that is just me.

Were you the midwife? My only other thought would be that they want to watch the video to see if you did anything wrong that they could sue you for?!

[scifimom]

Thanks for understanding momileigh thats exactly what I meant, I want them to continue with their good memories they are having now for a bit before they see the video. Yes I was their midwife, and no I'm not worried about them sueing me lol, thats a bit harsh there tlcdoula. I want to be there just for the ease of answering any questions they may have right away instead of them having to call me on the phone later if they have any, really I just don't want anything else interupting their babymoon. And of course they have the video, taking it was only a joke suggestion, they can watch it anytime they want, my first instinct though was to advise against it right away. But I wanted to know if anyone who had been in a similar circumstance maybe had more wisdom than me in hindsight of what they had done. I assume you have not been through this experience.

[tlcdoula]

Originally Posted by scifimom

Yes I was their midwife, and no I'm not worried about them sueing me lol, thats a bit harsh there tlcdoula.

I wasn't trying to be harsh I was just saying that maybe that might be why they might want to view it. You never know in our ever so sue happy world! Plus you don't know who is pressuring them - that was all I meant. I didn't mean you did anything wrong!! Of course if they have the video then they can watch it anytime. I thought maybe you had the video and they wanted it from you. (Sorry but I know of a midwife who when birth stuff went bad she took the video and destroyed it even if she did nothing wrong.)

[MsBlack]

I must admit that it also crossed my mind that they might want to watch it so soon in order to look for mw 'mistakes'....

not that I accuse YOU of wanting to protect yourself scifi--I heard you wanting to offer *them* some protection if they will have it, something I sympathise with. (and I knew you were joking about taking the tape )

Tho it is true that some mws are self-protective in such ways...

Yes, their choice--but also a mw's considered and considerate choice to give reasons to hold off on watching it. As with so much else, all we can do is offer suggestions and opinions and then trust families to do what they feel is best for themselves.

[scifimom]

It never would have crossed my mind that anyone would take a tape and destroy it besides a doctor, wow. No I want them to be able to watch it, and if they were of a mindset of sort of focusing on that part I could see watching it soon , but they seem to only remember the labor and the good parts, I'm not sure if that is odd? I just don't want that ruined for them or something by watching the video. And I'm sure I brought it up because I feel a tad guilty for telling them what to do kind of.