mattbronsil questions! lol

[mamamelia]

mattbronsil, your responses are always extremely helpful and very much appreciated (at least from me and i'm sure that many other mamas feel the same way). is it ok if we start up a thread that is made to ask you all sorts of questions about montessori?

i had a few, but i did not want to disrupt another thread, so i'd thought i'd start one. ok, here are my questions so far:

*you mentioned that in the first few months, the most important thing is the child learning how to focus (and thus the limited parent visits). it makes sense. now, what i was curious about is *how* would a directess handle a child who refuses to do what she asks of him/her (i.e guiding them through cleaning up, but the child says no). how does she keep "teaching" him to focus if the child just refuses to? what would a good directess do? i am afraid we might have this problem with dd as she can be quite stubborn at times and i want something to work with at home too (i want to be consistent).

*what happens when a child is using thier materials inappropriately? as in, playing/using them in the wrong way because they are bored or lack self direction. will the directess direct them through it time and time again? when will she walk away and say they should be able to do it on thier own by now (if ever)?

that's all for now as babe needs to be put to sleep (a half hour affair at our place )

please share your thoughts!!!

[MattBronsil]

hehe. I'm honored.

I'll answer any questions I can. I often need to ask other people these questions too, so be patient if it takes me a while.

For this one, I am going to have to wait to answer. Birthday dinner in a few minutes. We were going to a restaurant near my house. They just called and changed venues to a place about 20 mins away. I thought I had time to goof off online, but have to run now.

On top of it, I think I'm coming down with a cold.

The things we do for our friends on their birthdays

Matt

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by mamamelia

*you mentioned that in the first few months, the most important thing is the child learning how to focus (and thus the limited parent visits). it makes sense. now, what i was curious about is *how* would a directess handle a child who refuses to do what she asks of him/her (i.e guiding them through cleaning up, but the child says no). how does she keep "teaching" him to focus if the child just refuses to? what would a good directess do? i am afraid we might have this problem with dd as she can be quite stubborn at times and i want something to work with at home too (i want to be consistent).

I hate to say "the MOST important thing." I might have phrased it that way. There are many important things, but it is very critical time for them to get adjusted. And it is probably the most important reason why many schools have the rule of no outside observers at that time in the classroom.

As far as a child not following the rules, there are several things. I always like telling about my mom's stories whenever I can. She had a child that would not clean up. He spilled water on the floor and would not mop it up. She finally gave him the mop and said, "You can say no to me, but you have to say yes to the mop." The child started mopping and mumbling quietly, "No, no, no, no, no."

That's an important story. One, because I find it humorous. Secondly, it shows what happens sometimes and what we lose track of. The child wasn't having a power issue with the mop. The child was having a power control issue with my mom. My mom gave him the power to argue with her all he wanted. He was allowed to be upset with her that he had to clean up, but the rule was still there...he had to clean up. My mom did not try to stop him from having a power struggle with her. She said it's OK to have that. It is still his responsibility to clean it up in the end.

Will that work every time? No. I've tried it and had it work sometimes and not others. It does, however, show how we approach the power struggle. It's not a matter of "I'm the teacher and you should respect my authority." It is a case of "certain things are your responsibility and you just have to take care of it."

Each child is different, so it is hard to give a full answer to this. As a general rule, I often let them just come over and sit next to me until they are ready to clean up. They get bored pretty easily just sitting there and eventually take care of the mess. That's what works most of the time.

Sometimes, when they are sitting there, another child will come up and want to do the work. I say, "I'm sorry. Someone needs to clean it up first. It is closed for now." The child sometimes hears that someone else wants to do it and feels for them and cleans it up.

The child may try to play the "yay! I'm next to teacher" game to try reverse psychology. I just ignore that. I don't play reverse psychology back. I don't even acknowledge it.

*what happens when a child is using thier materials inappropriately? as in, playing/using them in the wrong way because they are bored or lack self direction. will the directess direct them through it time and time again? when will she walk away and say they should be able to do it on thier own by now (if ever)?

There are a wide range of answers to this. From most people I have talked to, if they have found a creative way to do something, they may do it as long as it does not disrupt other students or damage the materials. If someone is doing a bead stringing work and they suddenly realize it looks like a fishing pole and pretend to fish, they can do that for as long as they want.

If they start throwing the beads around, it's time to stop and choose something else.

I also have other rules, such as you cannot bang materials together. If a child is working with the spindle boxes and he starts acting like they are drums, I have them stop doing that. This is just a practical purpose - the spindles are made of wood and they dent. When I explain this to the children, they are ok with it.

You can also sometimes tell if a child is just bored with a material. They have that uninterested look on their face. I invite the child to try a new material then. It's up to them, but they generally say yes.

Matt

[Newsprint]

As far as a child not following the rules, there are several things. I always like telling about my mom's stories whenever I can. She had a child that would not clean up. He spilled water on the floor and would not mop it up. She finally gave him the mop and said, "You can say no to me, but you have to say yes to the mop." The child started mopping and mumbling quietly, "No, no, no, no, no."

That is brilliant! Thank you.

[Flor]

My child can be STUBBORN at home, and I was really worried about him doing the same to his teachers, but kids are different at home. I had no idea. He has no issue cleaning up water at school, but at home sometimes it's no issue, sometimes it's fun, and sometimes he'd fight to the death to not do it.

There are something things he doesn't feel comfortable doing, like for a while, circle time or singing, but the teachers were very understanding. I think they could see the difference between being stubborn/power play and feeling self-conscious.