Getting FREAKED OUT!!

[~Robin]

I think I just realized that I am going to have to have this baby soon.
I have had 4 other children all with midwife present so its been a pleasent experience (not without pain but felt in control) Now I am going to a jerky doctor and the hospital there stinks with support and I have to deliever my baby there. Really about to panic about it. I could always stay calm and do what needed to be done because I had someone that was there just for me. But in the hospital they are there for themselves.
I am worried about the fact that I will get a epidural just because I can't stop the panic. I have always been so opposed to them...but knowing that the cerclage has got to be removed and its imbedded deep in side...it makes me wonder how much can I stand? Will I feel like a failure if I take something?
Just needed to vent off the feelings that I have.

[MonP'titBoudain]

Oh mama! You've had such a rough go! I don't have any sage advice. Lot's of hugs and be easy on yourself. I'm hoping you can have a panic-free birth. And soon!

[New_Natural_Mom]

Anyone would be stressed out with what you have gone through. Where is your DH in all of this? Does he know how you feel? Could he perhaps be your champion in the hospital - helping keep you calm and centered as well as making sure the "doctor" is doing what you want? Does your hospital have a midwife or doula available for your birth?

With other children under your belt you *know* you can do this. Don't let some stupid "doctor" dampen your power. You can trust your body to guide you through the process despite what the "medical professionals" are attempting to do to you. Perhaps the hospital might have 1 or more sympathetic nurses who can help.

:

Once all is safely finished, send out the docs name and we can all send nasty-grams to the hospital!

[avasmomleigh]

You have been through so much! But you know you can do this, any way it happens! It sounds like birth will be less pain than the cerclage! And hopefully when you are laboring they will just stay out of your way because the baby is coming, they won't try to stop it. Nothing is a failure-this birth may manifest itself differently than your others-who knows? You and baby safe and sound and happy-that's the light at the end of this tunnel-before you know it you will be snuggled in your own bed with a wonderful new miracle.

Sending you lots of love and hugs!!!

[lilkat]

I agree w/ NNM's advice about getting your DP to advocate for you. Or would it be possible for you to have a doula present to run interference and keep the hospital staff away from you?

You have the strength to do what needs to be done for yourself and your baby. If that means that you need the epi, you should feel NO shame or failure in that. Trust yourself, your baby and your body, mama!

[~Robin]

Feel so glad that you didn't all flame me. I was totally worried that I woud get the whole get over it and do it.
DH keeps saying we can do this, its going to work just like it always did. Although he is a complete CRUNCHY person...would never imagine why someone would use the epi and not breastfeed (in fact he usually makes fun of people) I just don't want to let him down as well.
Every feel like you are drowning with stress? That is my life right now. Trying to decided if I should go to the doctor or not today. I just can't make up my mind.
Last night I had contractions like this:
8:01-10:50 I had almost 20 contractions
today I have had
4 since I got up. I wish I could walk around to help them out but the lower cervical pain really hurts...its just so discouraging. I just want someone to say...ROBIN do this.and someone to tell the doctor what is going on. When I talk to people I tend to be the kind of person that will try to make other people comfortable, even when I am in pain I try to hide it. I just need someone who gets me. DH trys but gets ticked when I don't do it for myself.