Not the "home maker" type?

[Mamatolea]

I am a SAHM to a beautiful one year old. She is very active and friendly and destructive..lol

I am also pregnant(and very sick as well from it).

I also watch 2 kidlets during the week as well, both PT, but Mon and Tue and Thur are FT days with them(one is 5 months, one is 11 months).

I NEVER was the cooking, cleaning kind of person on a regular basis. I can't get motivated(I would much rather do anything..lol), but it is so much worse now..

DH gets frustrated with me because he works FT and then comes home and things are not spic and span(I do try to keep it neat, but it seems impossible!). So he cleans when he gets home and sometimes it gets to be too much on him, and I feel horrible!

I have been trying to cook more and try to keep up with laundry, cleaning, etc..and doing better, but still a long way to go.

How do YOU find motivation to keep up and not just bury your head under the covers and go back to bed???

[CawMama]

The only thing that keeps me motivated is dh. He was brought up in a Leave it to Beaver childhood, and didn't leave home until he married at 27 years old. So, to him, a spotless home is the norm.

I came from the opposite, and I am a self proclaimed slob. But, knowing that a messy house stresses him out, I try my best to have it at least picked up all the time. Our home will never be like that of my in-laws, but at least it's sanitary.

[Mamatolea]

:

My MIL kept a spotless house, with 7 children no less...and he is used to that...

So I try, but it is soooooo hard! I am honestly thinking of trying to barter for a housekeeper like once a week...

[StormySar]

I just want to say my home is anything but spotless, but my dh has a few requests I try to keep on top of.

My satisfaction comes from a "clean" home (things in their place, surfaces clear, floor neat, etc.). When my home is clean, my mind is clear and things are at peace. I enjoy that, so that is my driving factor to keep on top of things.

I was never the home maker type either! But now a days that is one of my passions!

[angelpie545]

The thing that keeps me motivated is that I love to have people over to my house, and I can't do that very well if I have to keep apologizing for the mess and make excuses for it. Another thing I do is put myself in my kid's shoes, and imagine what they feel like if it's a huge mess, and imagine if for some reason the police knocked on my door or something. Sounds bad, I know, but it gets me going.

[DariusMom]

could you commit to doing a few of the things that are particularly important to your DH on Wednesdays and Fridays when you aren't watching other kids + your own (not to mention being pregnant!), which sounds like *a lot* for anyone to handle! If you could get a bit more done when you aren't watching the other kids, then maybe neither you nor your DH would feel so bad on the other days.

[Joyster]

I think for me the motivation largely is that I relax better when there isn't chaos around in my home. So I do it largely for me. It took me a while to really get into the habit though. The messiest rooms are the ones I don't see too often so like my bedroom and the downstairs room waaaay in the back of the basement. lol

I think having a plan and system really helps. Getting lots of baskets to put things away in, having your laundry room organised, having simple but nutritious menus and even something as trivial as having dishsoap or laundry detergent in a scent you like can make it just a tad bit more bearable. Cleaning up the kitchen as you prepare food is a big lifesaver for me, since I really can make a mess making a meal. I also like having music (or a radio talk show I know I'll disagree with...I work well when I'm angry lol) when I'm doing chores, that way my two year old helps, but we also dance to the music which makes it considerably more fun.

[mbhf]

my motivation is knowing it stresses my dh out to come home to a messy house, and i feel so much better when my house is clean.

i have a list. full of every day chores and once a week chores. I check them off as I do them, and my day isn't over until they're all checked off. it's mostly a bunch of little things that take less than 5 minutes (usually much less) like wiping down the counters in the kitchen, vacuuming downstairs, loading the dishwasher, washing a load of clothes. nothing fancy. once a week i mop, clean the bathrooms, that kind of thing. it is so easy for me to keep up with, and if i start first thing my day can be "done" by early afternoon.

you might check out motivatedmoms.com it's something you sign up for, and it makes lists for you. i've never tried it, but a lot of moms i know swear by it.

[SollysMom]

I can TOTALLY relate to what you're saying, except I've just got one baby and don't watch any other kids. But I was never very domestic and I hate cleaning. DH is sort of a neat freak and when we were both working (before DS) he did almost all the cleaning. I'm getting there with the cooking - always have dinner ready when DH gets home even if it's something fairly simple. And I always stay on top of dishes and laundry. But the cleaning is still tough for me even though I try to keep things tidy. I started a thread yesterday with a "Cleaning Checklist" that I'm hoping will help me stay on top of it. I think what will be helpful about it is that it's broken into very small tasks that I can do throughout the week, so the job of "cleaning the bathroom" doesn't seem daunting and need to be done all at once.

[Mama Poot]

If you can do without the income, I would stop watching the other children and focus on your own family and household, especially with you being pregnant and having a rough go of things. I think this has less to do with you not being the "home maker" type and just being plain worn out and not having enough time to make these things a priority. But if you absolutely must continue the childcare thing, try to relax and tell your DH to relax and get used to the place being messy. I'd love to see him try to keep a perfect house and care for all those little ones!

[Mamatolea]

I wish I could, but we are trying to be debt free before the baby gets here because we have to build an addition for the kidlets rooms.

I am trying to relax, but it is so hard...and I agree, I would LOVE to see DH do what I do! LOL

[DaughterOfKali]

I admit that it's difficult to get motivated and to find the energy to be Ms Suzie Homemaker. I don't have to deal with a husband that expects a clean home but I deal with something worse. Myself. I annoy myself for not have a spotless home. LOL.
Wish I had some advice for you.
The only thing that seems to motivate is if I invite someone over. Then I'm forced to clean.

[Maddy123]

Being pg, having a one year old, watching two other little ones...geez, give yourself a break! Given everything on your plate, how much is your DH expecting you to do?? I understand about debt and all, but that just seems like so much. Keeping a really clean and neat house on top of that seems pretty difficult to me.

Before kids, I was a go-go-go sort of person in the workplace. In terms of at-home motivation, I have looked at my time at home as another phase of my life. I have really grown in my ability to do housewife-y things like meal plan, shop on a budget, keep things clean and organized, decorate the house, etc. I've taken it as kind of a challenge (a friendly one with myself) to put some effort into domestic life.

As others have noted, the "someone's coming over" motivation is a good one!

But with all you are doing, be kind to yourself.

[Sustainer]

I'm not the home maker type at all. I don't cook or clean. DP does all the cooking and cleaning. Add that to his full time job and I still think I do more work as a SAHM.

[Mamatolea]

YIKES!

Ask people over?? LOL

Then I have to cook AND clean, because everyone knows I am the hostess that always has food!! You all are trying to kill this preggo aren't ya?

[lunamegn]

My man could care less if the house is a mess - it's me who can't stand it when it's a pit. I never in a million years thought I'd be a stay home mama to my kids. I always envisioned myself a career woman - but once I got pregnant, I realized that I wanted to be the one to raise my kids and be there for everything. So I'm not much of a homemaker - I get the necessities done and I clean every so often.

I enjoy cooking but I crumble under the pressure being expected to make something every night. I also put undue pressure on myself to come up with something new and creative often. It's too overwhelming so I just don't make anything or we just make burritos.

[DaughterOfKali]

Originally Posted by Mamatolea

Then I have to cook AND clean, because everyone knows I am the hostess that always has food!! You all are trying to kill this preggo aren't ya?

LOL. You don't have to invite people over for a meal. Just invite a friend or two over for tea/coffee. (and stop at the bakery for goodies.)

[jadekat]

Originally Posted by Mama Poot

If you can do without the income, I would stop watching the other children and focus on your own family and household, especially with you being pregnant and having a rough go of things. I think this has less to do with you not being the "home maker" type and just being plain worn out and not having enough time to make these things a priority. But if you absolutely must continue the childcare thing, try to relax and tell your DH to relax and get used to the place being messy. I'd love to see him try to keep a perfect house and care for all those little ones!

I totally agree! Being prego is tiring enough.

[amitymama]

Okay, my question is, if it's "too much" for your DH to clean after he's home from work, why shouldn't it be too much for you, who also works, plus looking after your own child *and* being pregnant? Just because you work from home doesn't mean that you are wholly responsible for the state your work environment is in at the end of the day. The very nature of a childcare job means messes will be created!

Maybe try putting it to him like this: he works full time out of the home and you work full time in the home, caring for children. While you do your best to keep the house sufficiently tidied as you go, you should be under no obligation to do all the cleaning, organizing, tidying, etc.. simply because you happen to do your job from home. After you've each completeted your respective work days, it is BOTH of your responsibilities to pitch in on cleaning and cooking.

This is a partnership, not an aristocracy, and you are not his servant or employee.

[slymamato3]

I never would have seen myself staying home but here we are almost 8 years later and I will be home for at least the next 4 years and then will probably only work pt so I will be here when the kiddos get home from school. It sounds to me like your plate is overflowing Kara. Is there any way for you to not watch the other kids? I have been so overwhelmed lately by what it takes to keep my home in order. I can't imagine adding someone elses kids or a job outside the home to what I already do. Think of all the time I would miss out on MDC, no seriously though, you are growing a baby and that is an amazing job so go easy on yourself when it comes to the other stuff. And don't feel like you have to be the hostess all the time...thats what other mamas are for when you need them. Because I have to say how helpful it is for me to have other people around since I have been staying home. It helps keep me sane...if that is possible