I have a friend who I think may have PPD...

[mrs.villalobos]

And I dont know what to do...

This is why I think she has PPD.

My friends T and H came over yesterday with baby S. I saw them park, T got the baby out of the back seat while H stood there. T carried her to the house. T took her out of the car seat, held her the WHOOOOLE time they were here and changed her diaper. (By now you are guessing T is the mom, right?) WRONG! H is. The only time H held her was to nurse her then handed her back to T.

(T is H SIL, so they are spending alot of time together because H needs the help.)

H will let her almost 6 week old baby CIO. The baby will be SCREAMING so hard she cant breathe and H doesnt get up....except to BLOW ON HER FACE to get her to catch her breath and say, "Why are you crying?!"

She NEVER wants to hold her baby. ALWAYS is passing her off to someone else to hold. She was upset because she couldnt go out to the casino this weekend when her FIL was in town and said, "Ugh, I cant go. I have to stay with the baby." Annoyed because she had to stay with the baby.

She says things like, "I just need an hour away from her!" and "EVERYONE ELSE HAS A PERFECT BABY!!"

IM SO SCARED FOR HER!!! And I tell T (her SIL who is with her daily) I think she has PPD and she says, Yeah me too...BUT WONT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT OR TALK TO H's DH!!!! (T's brother)

HELP!!! How do I tell someone I think they have PPD without offending them?!

[Nannysbaby]

I would worry more about any harm that might come to that baby than I would worry about offending someone by saying you thought they had ppd. That little one is why you must move past your worry and speak up!

[Surfacing]

Perhaps you could start by having a private conversation with her, asking her how things are going, how she's feeling. You could tell her the truth, that you're worried about her when you see her rarely holding her baby, that she seems very stressed out about the baby's crying, etc., not connected. You could let her know you're not judging her, being a mom is hard, you're just worried about her and wonder if she needs some more support.

You could ask her whether she's hooked into any resources. Are there any free mom/baby groups near her? It might help to have a place to get out and talk to other moms and see that everyone else doesn't have the perfect baby and whatever, even if it seems that way from the outside. Baby is 6 weeks old--has she been going to her midwife or pediatrician with the baby? Has she spoken with them about how she's feeling? This might be key in that THEY could make the determination if it seems like she has PPD or not, and then they could tell her, YK? Does she need parenting information, like how to decode cries, etc.? Does she have social support (well obviously her SIL but anyone else)? Does she need you or somebody else to get the info for her, arrange a break, etc?

Just some thoughts here....

Let us know if you decide to speak with her and how it turns out. It's hard to be a mother with PPD.

[mrs.villalobos]

It seems as if I am going to have to talk to her. I feel like the baby is suffering not being attended to properly and no one else is going to say anything or try and help.

Thanks for the great suggestions!

[Bird Girl]

Did the baby spend time in the NICU? Studies have shown that when nurses take care of babies right after their births, the moms often feel that they don't know how to take care of them, and that some "expert" should come in and take over. Does T already have children? Maybe H is feeling that she's just incompetent and that someone else would be better off in charge?

Either way, if H feels like she doesn't know why her baby is crying and she can't make it better, then the baby is at risk for abuse. She's lucky she has a friend like you who can step in and help her connect better.