eeeeeeeeek

[JustJamie]

So my DH is military. He put in for open leave around Decemberish, so that he could take a few weeks off when the baby is born. Although he has 37 days available, we agreed he would only take 21 days, so that we could take a vacation over the summer.

He surprised me this morning by signing out on leave...his 21 days...for the baby...

The baby is still up in my rib cage. Head down, but nowhere near my pelvis. This baby is NOT going to be born any time soon. Heck, I'm not even DUE for another 4 weeks!! It's so high up in my ribcage that the OB joked with me it was a good thing I didn't need to be induced this time around, because even pitocin would be sure to fail!

It's not the end of the world...I asked, and he agreed, to go ahead and put in for the rest of his leave for the month of April, so we have a "back up" plan. I don't know if it'll be approved or not, but probably not.

I understand he has been stressed out at work, they've been assigning him to a million different pointless details, and when he's on those details, there's no way for me to get hold of him, plus it's been a huge hassle for me to get the car to go to my appointments, and he's been missing the appointments which really bums him out. He said he'd like to have some time that is just the three of us, spend some extra time with DD and me before life gets crazy with a newborn...I can understand all that, and respect it.

But...what if I have another c-section? I was in so much pain for so long after my daughter was born - it was easy then, she and I just stayed in bed together til I healed. All she did was eat, sleep and poop anyway. But now I have a toddler too, and there is no way my mile-a-minute toddler is going to be content to lay in bed for 3 weeks while I recuperate!!!

I guess I better pray that a) this baby drops NOW, b) I am successful in my VBAC in the next 21 days, and c) Baby likes the sling so I can keep up with my toddler, since I won't have DH here to chase after her.

[avasmomleigh]

I am sorry to hear that!! My Dh misses the mark by a mile, although with wonderful intentions, quite often. He gets so annoyed that I insist on talking everything out, but things like that happen otherwise 'thanks for doing this one little thing, that just caused me to have 50000x the work' Is there any way out of it? Can he go back for a couple more weeks? I'm not familiar with how the military works. Sounds like you guys better get busy trying to soften up your cervix, kwim? Any family/friends able to come stay after your due date as a back up plan? Have you thought of inducing-though that has lots of positives and negatives to weigh...Either way--Come on BABY-time to get MOVIN!!

[DBZ]

Wow he started his 3 week leave today? Spending some time with you and DD before baby comes is a good idea, but life is so crazy after baby comes that a mama really needs the help then. *shaking head* Men!

Just because the baby hasn't dropped doesn't mean you won't go into labor. None of my kids dropped before labor started. This one is slightly in my pelvis according to the midwife, but totally not dropped.

[monamcmona]

uhmm... sounds frustrating to me! does he understand you probably won't even have the baby before he has to go back?
I think it's really sweet he wants a little extra special time with you and your Dd, but I think he needs to think about YOU and trying to take care of a new baby and your Dd all alone. Can he go back to work for a couple more weeks?

[Jes'sBeth]

I'd be stressed too! Jesse's leave starts when the baby arrives and I think though it'll be hard at the end, that's better than starting early. You just can't time a baby!

[JustJamie]

Originally Posted by avasmomleigh

Have you thought of inducing-though that has lots of positives and negatives to weigh...Either way--Come on BABY-time to get MOVIN!!

Induction is absolutely NOT an option for me, as a VBAC. Even if I wanted it, my OBs wouldn't do it, since it increases the risk of U.R. so drastically.

I will start guzzling RRL tea and taking evening primrose oil, and DH better be prepared for DTD daily, whether he's in the mood or not!

His attitude is like...well, if he can't take time off after the baby's born, I'll just deal with it, won't I, cause there's no other option! Grrrrr.

No family, but I could probably get some friends to help out - the problem is that the whole base is shutting down, so everyone is in transition between here and other communities. So I have no idea who will even be in the community in the next 4 weeks!

I'm sitting on an exercise ball right now, and I think next week I will ask the doctor to go ahead and strip my membranes if she will...she might not, though, because as I said - they refuse to induce VBACs - it's natural labor, or repeat c-section, period.

[lilkat]

[JustJamie]

Last night, I asked him to sign back in next week, and explained that while I understood his need to spend time with us, I really need him available to me after the baby is born, because there are too many unknowns - for example, if my VBAC is NOT successful, I will be physically incapable of caring for both children by myself; while our daughter was a dream who slept through the night by 3 weeks, there's no guarantee this baby will be the same way, and it's not fair to ask me to potentially be up all night with the baby and then stay up all day with our 2 year old while trying to recover from giving birth. I said that I would be okay with him taking a week off, and not signing back in til next Thursday, but I really would feel better knowing he was going to be home for at least the first two weeks after the baby is born.

He's only spoken in monosyllables to me since then.

Am I being unreasonable? I'm trying to accommodate both sets of wants/needs, without putting more weight on one or the other.

I told my parents that he signed out on his leave already, and all three of them, including my dad who usually is on DH's side, couldn't believe he had done it. My very mild-mannered step mom even said that she would call the Army and yell at them until someone MADE him go back to work. Honestly, just the fact that my mom, dad, AND step-mom agreed that he shouldn't have signed out yet is enough to bring about the end of the world - the only other thing they've ever all agreed upon is that it's a good thing my mom and dad live on opposite sides of the state!

I know that he's mad because he did call and ask me if it was okay for him to sign out, and I said yes, and now I'm back pedaling and saying it's NOT okay, but I feel like he blind-sided me in the first place. He called me out of the blue, all excited about the prospect of being home and wanting an answer RIGHT THEN...how was I supposed to say no? And of course I do want him home but it's just not practical. And now it's like...he's not even speaking to me, his dad is supposed to be here in 3 hours, and it's just so tense and awkward!

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

[avasmomleigh]

Your not being unreasonable! But, it sounds like there were other reasons DH wanted a break from work. It is definitely something that needed more thought than a quick phone call-heck, I make some really strange quick decisions now-a-days. s: I hope he goes back to work so he can help you after the baby is born! Good for you for standing up for your needs...good luck!