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AP day at Target - Page 2

post #21 of 45

post #22 of 45

Comment about slings

I hate to hear other Mama's talking as if you use a stroller you are not an "AP" Mama or don't love your baby enough. I have a bulging and a ruptured disc in my back and even though I have a couple slings that I did/do use when I have to carry my dd and nurse her, it is just too uncomfortable on my back to wear it every time I go out. Also, my dd so enjoys the independence of sitting up in her stroller and seeing the world as "I" am right behind her showing her the way.

So next time you judge a Mama who isn't slinging...maybe you will consider she has a bad back...
post #23 of 45
Thank you babydoll! I agree with you 100%!

I used a sling when Abby was very young, and small (she was a preemie), but after she got over 10 pounds or so, I was no longer able to sling her, dues to a medical problem. I did use the dreaded "bucket" while shopping, and it was wonderful for us. Without it, I would not have been able to go shopping for food or anything else our family needed. I never left her in it if she was unhappy.

I am amazed at the ammount of judgment here, often makes me wonder why I even read these boards as I always leave feeling judged and looked down upon for the things I am unable to do as perfectly as other mothers.

But then I look at my beautiful healthy and happy daughter, and I know I am doing it right, and that she is the only person whose expectations I must live up too.

post #24 of 45
Thread Starter 
Oh sweetie, I hope you don't think that I judge non-slinging mamas! I'd never proclaim to be any better than non-slinging, non-cosleeping, bottle feeding mamas. We all have our unique situations and make different choices! I'm sorry to hear that your back problems kept you from slinging as often as you'd like, but you sityaion is different than the mamas we're talking about... the ones that want to sling and don't know how, or those that have never seen it or don't know the benefits.

I'm sorry that this thread has left you feeling judged .
post #25 of 45
I always interpreted the "I'd like his seat" comments to mean that the people just acknowlege that the baby is enjoying the good life...no worries, a warm soft cushion to sleep in al the time, endless adoration, having his every need suppied by a loving mother....
On the other hand, the "I'll have what he's having" comment when I'm breastfeeding really bugs me!

As for the judgement, I wish I didn't feel kinda the same way as Sarah and babydoll (not on this particular thread, just in general). Although I use a sling most of the time, I'm often less motivated to strike up conversations with slinging moms becasue I fear that they're going to be more judgemental of me and try to inspect every aspect of my parenting.
post #26 of 45
Sarah & babydoll I'm sorry if you felt judged by this thread. I know there are lots of reasons why moms don't sling. Sometimes too, the babe just doesn't like being in the sling. What I find hard is not the use of the 'bucket' but rather when there is a babe in a bucket in obvious distress and the mom just ignores the babe. Being a good mom has nothing to do with what system you espouse but rather tuning in to the needs of both you and your babe and seeing what works both for both of you in that moment. Again really sorry if you felt judged, all of us mamas are just doing what works best for each of us. We need to support each other.
post #27 of 45
For those w/ bad backs and/or babes who don't like the sling, the Ultimate Baby wrap is a great option!!

The best price I have seen is at www.naturalmothercompany.com

For your more conventional friends, though, you can refer them the The Right Start, which recently started carrying them.

I got mine after I couldn't take the Baby Bjorn any longer. Ds has ALWAYS wanted his arms and legs free, so it is great all around. It can pretty much do everything a sling or front carrier can, an much more comfortably, too. The only drawback is it takes a minute to get on.

I love it overall!
post #28 of 45
Thread Starter 
Hmmmm, now this thread is getting juicy! In the deep-meaningful-discussion sense of juicy, not the people's-feelings-are-getting-hurt-and-I'm-enjoying-it sense .

Its interesting that some of us feel like we are under the scrutiny of other AP moms. I've heard this mentioned before, and I have to admit that I tend to be a bit intimidated by other AP moms too. Almost like its some sort of competition, who's the most AP? For instance, I BF but we use bottles of EBM sometimes. I feel a bit inferior to the mamas that exclusively breast feed, even though I know I'm doing what's right for my family. We also let Jackson play in his exersaucer and watch Baby Einstein at times, and I'm almost afraid to mention that on here.

I know that the mamas here won't judge me based on these things, its more a feeling that I put on myself. Why is that? Any thoughts on why other parents' AP style seems to make some of us feel like we are being judged or not doing enough?
post #29 of 45
I don't really know any AP moms in real life, so the only place I ever feel judged as a mother is here. The majority of people at this board are so kind and helpful, and that is why I started posting here, after a long while of reading the diapering board. I'm not quite sure I even am an "official"AP mom.

While I believe and practice gentle discipline, do not believe in crying it out, used a sling for a short while, and cloth diaper, I also use a stroller, high chair, and Abby sleeps happily in her crib, I also formula feed her because of medical problems she had at birth that did not allow her to latch on at all. I did pump for two months.

I hate labels, and tend not to label myself, but part of me falls into AP types of parenting, part of me does not.

What I find so increadibly hurtful is reading posts where posters say that parents feeding their children formula might as well feed them poison, or that they would never allow their child a doll with a bottle because real babies are not fed that way (some babies are and have to be in order to survive!). It is hard to read a post that says that parents who use strollers, or pacifiers or any other baby item are lazy. We are all doing the best job we know how, with the best info we have.

I am learning to stick mostly to the diapering board because that is where I tend to find the most useful information. While I also enjoy reading 90% of the posts on some of theother boards, I just can't seem to stay away from the 10% that either really hurt me or anger me.

Like I said before, I know I am a wonderful mom to my precious daughter. She is healthy, well cared for, and one of the most joyful babies I know. There for, I am going to keep on doing what I am doing, knowing that I must be doing something right!

post #30 of 45
Thread Starter 
post #31 of 45
JMO but to me being an AP parent is about doing what is best for your baby and letting them take the lead, where ever that may lead.
My 2 younger daughters had medical issues (severe food allergies) where breastfeeding was out and they both needed the same prescription medical formula (Neocate). They definately go beyond the norm with allergies. I've had people comment on my middle dd's use of the bottle at what they thought to be an "older" age (she is a tall girl and was 36 in at 12 months). She was not able to start solids until she was 2 1/2 years old. So they'd see this 18 month old, who looked to be about 3, with a bottle and ask why my 3 year old "still" had a bottle. I'd just let them know that not only was she just 1 but she had a medical problem and couldn't eat food. They were usually pretty embarassed since it was definately a situation beyond our control. And I can't tell you how many people, not realizing how severe their allergies were, would tell me that I just needed to cut out dairy and I could have BF'ed them (I'm allergic as well, and haven't drank milk in over 20 years, I think that would be long enough to get it out of my system LOL).

My point being that I think the comments here are more for the parents who aren't slinging, breastfeeding, etc because they don't feel like it or don't care, than those who would love to but for what ever reason, just can't or whose children aren't able to or don't want to. I'd love to co-sleep but my girls love to have their own beds. While co-sleeping is considered an "AP" practice, I don't think that forcing them to co-sleep with me would be very "AP" of me.
post #32 of 45
I think that it is great that the OP was able to educate some mamas about the sling. I look forward to that if the sling/pouch work for us.

I have not had my baby yet, and don't consider myself AP, although I do strongly agree with slinging and cloth diapering. Sometimes the posts here can seem judgemental against non-AP parents; but I don't take them personally.

I don't plan on co-sleeping, or following Sears to a T, but feel that babywearing and cloth diapering are the most logical approach to dealing with an infant. Infants want to be held- what a wonderful compromise the sling seems to be ( from my perspective since I have no experience yet)- Mama and baby can both be happy. Some babies are happier in a stroller or a bucket- simply a matter of baby making her opinions known Cloth diapering is another choise that seems like a "no-brainer" to me, when money is tight and the health of the baby is considered. I DO NOT, however, think that Moms who use disposibles or baby SUV's to be bad parents. Most don't even know that slings exist, or that cloth diapers are still made. Most don't know the risks of dds, or the ease of the new cloth diapering systems. Many mamas can't give birth at home due to high risk factors, or cant have a natural birth-- that doesn't make them any less a loving Mama Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion- I just don't have to agree. :LOL

Again, I don't like to label myself AP or Non-AP, but prefer to see myself as open to new possibilities. Some things will work, and others will not. I don't post much-(shy I guess ), but have gained valuable knowledge from these boards, whether I agree with the poster or not.

EDD 12/14/03 to fabulous mystery baby
post #33 of 45
If you really love your sling and wear it lots, email the company or mama you bought it from and ask for business cards to hand to awestruck passersby.

I wear my babe a lot, but he also enjoys the stroller. Especially if he's just eaten or if big sister wants to push him as we walk.
post #34 of 45
again people feel judged and another thread gets 'guilted' off track.....

okay, I have been to alot of boards and discussion lists...to find advice and info and share the joys of parenting the way I love to do it, and have found nothing but discouragement, rudeness, and insults to me and my child because of the natural ways we live...if your 'intependent' child 'loves' their stroller, thats fine, you have lots of likeminded support....where is my happy, content, slinging child's support????
I subscribe to MOTHERING magazine, which soooo supports my family and our lifestyle....and was overjoyed to discover the discussion area, FINALLY a safe haven of support!

so if slinging, bf, environmentally concerned, and otherwise NFL mamas arent welcome to post and share and discuss issues that pertain to us HERE, where can we go?
post #35 of 45
I think the problem stems from the nature of argument, and taking things personally.

In order to argue a standpoint, one compares one's standpoint against another. That's how one makes a strong point. Yes, I think sometimes we get too harsh in doing that, and most of the time, especially on these boards, I see an effort made to not be harsh, which I appreciate. Nothing in life is as simple as "us against them" and I think most of us here know that.

It's also important to try not to take things personally - I think that's one of the biggest problems people have, one of the many faces of shaky self-confidence (at least it is in my case.) It's hard not to take things personally, and I struggle with it a LOT. But the bottom line in life is that NOTHING is black and white. Most of us fall into the gray area and that's OK. If you need to use a stroller because of your back or because your babe is happiest there, then you know that - so the accusations of lazy moms/moms who don't like to hold babies (and I know at least one mom friend who has admitted this to me,) do not apply to you so why take it personally?

I do think that strollers are overused in this country and I don't think that everyone is using them for the valid reasons that women have posted here for using them. I see a LOT of unhappy, fussy, cranky babies in strollers whose cries/moans/squirms are completely ignored. Am pretty confident none of us stroller-users on these boards would do that unless there was some sort of compelling reason to do so. Quite frankly, I would consider myself anti-stroller. That does NOT mean that I am judging everyone I see with a baby in one. If the baby is happy, then God bless! It's only if the baby is obviously not happy, or completely tuned out that I react negatively.

I just want to everyone here and say "you are so incredibly welcome!" because I know that I frequently don't feel that way, so others must go through it as well. But I honestly think that we are appreciated, even when we're disagreed with or something we do or don't do with our family is debated... hotly!
post #36 of 45
that was a great post and I agree with most of it...cept the 'god bless' part...lol
post #37 of 45
so if slinging, bf, environmentally concerned, and otherwise NFL mamas arent welcome to post and share and discuss issues that pertain to us HERE, where can we go?

Point well made.

BTW, what does NFL stand for? exuse my ignorence....
post #38 of 45

I don't think most of you got my point...

My point was about slinging ONLY. ok that is not entirely true. It is about not judging people by face value when it comes to SLINGING ONLY. I did not take it personally that so and so went to Target and got to chat with other slinging Mamas. I too have a sling. I was slinging my dd when she was little (mostly when she needed to nurse or if I needed to do grocery shopping after she was too big for her bucket). I loved her bucket by the way and I feel no need to apologize for it. In fact if she could still fit in there I would have NO PROBLEM AT ALL using it. I have gotten cool comments about my pouch and my sling which I welcomed with open arms and gave some new Mama's advice about where I got mine and things to consider when choosing a sling. I also love her stroller and if I had to choose between my pouch/sling and stroller there would be no question I would choose the stroller anytime without hesitation! My point is that unlike breastfeeding (which I am a huge advocate of), cloth diapering (which I am not interested in at all) - unless someone sees you breastfeeding or diapering your child they don't know you do it. A sling is a device that you physically wear and everyone sees - and my point is that some people cannot handle a 19+ pound baby hanging on them if they have a bad back. So as I said before - before you judge them maybe you should consider they have a bad back.
post #39 of 45
Thread Starter 
MamaTT, I think NFL stands for Natural Family Living. Please correct me if I'm wrong, MelMel.

Babydoll, I think I understand your point clearly. I'm wondering what you saw in this thread that made you feel that you needed to admonish us not to judge in the first place? I didn't think that any posters were passing judgement on non-slinging moms (or moms who happen to not be slinging at that moment), so I'm just curious.
post #40 of 45

Re: Comment about slings

Originally posted by babydoll
I hate to hear other Mama's talking as if you use a stroller you are not an "AP" Mama or don't love your baby enough. I have a bulging and a ruptured disc in my back and even though I have a couple slings that I did/do use when I have to carry my dd and nurse her, it is just too uncomfortable on my back to wear it every time I go out. Also, my dd so enjoys the independence of sitting up in her stroller and seeing the world as "I" am right behind her showing her the way.

So next time you judge a Mama who isn't slinging...maybe you will consider she has a bad back...
I didn't see anyone judge!

I think most of us are celebrating that we see more slings. Most mommas in my area don't know about slings because the only thing you can buy in my town is the snugli and evenflo carriers that generally get bad reviews.

Admittedly, my ds is not in the sling all day and I just bought a double stroller. So shoot me! If ds and dd will sit in the double jogger so we can take walks then it's healthy for all three of us. My ds is over 15lbs at 4 months and I can't do hard walking with him in the sling. I think the main thing AP is aiming for is a happy, well cared for baby... AP and NFL different in some respects.
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