Going to ask my fellow lactivist girls your opinions and reactions to this sort of thing. I know if anyone is going to speak up -- it's "us" -- but it's an interesting insight into U.S. society and the assumption that if you are going to breastfeed at all, it'll be for a short spell.
So my DH's best friend from high school came over this weekend, first time since having our youngest in December. He came bearing baby gifts. THREE BOTTLES.
Now to be FAIR, some facts:
1) He's single, never been married, no kids. Breastfeeding is the last thing on his mind.
2) As with most of our peer/age group (70's kids) a bottle symbolizes feeding a baby.
3) He's metro Los Angeles, so he's not hanging out often in places with kids/babies, most of his friends are not parents.
4) He's a HUGE Lakers fan, and of course, all THREE bottles are of Lakers design, meaning they are all plastic with Los Angeles Lakers designs on them. One says it's for older babies, or a trainer-cup (mind you it's the only one with an Advent style nipple).
5) He would have no reason to know or care about hard plastic leeching chemicals. So even if I could use the bottles with PBM -- I wouldn't use those.
In other words he wasn't there trying to undermine the breastfeeding relationship nor was he shocked that I breastfeed. BUT when I said "Thanks man, but you know, we breastfeed, so we really can't use these." And before I can say the rest: "If you want to give them to someone who does bottle feed I won't be offended...." he interrupts to say "well keep them for later."
Me: "Uhm sorry, what do you mean LATER?"
Him: "Well in a month or two..."
Me: "A MONTH or TWO? No really, he won't be needing a bottle, I won't stop breastfeeding until he's already drinking from cups. Holding his own cups at that. BUT IF you know someone who bottle feeds maybe they could use them?"
OK so here's the point, yes I know it was rude to denounce a gift. I feel bad about that. I did want to do a little educating on the subject, and it did turn into quite a nice little give and take on breastfeeding -- including him telling me he's dating a girl who was breastfed until she was four. He thought it was weird, but changed his mind when he heard about the health benefits, especially the cancer part. He's now becoming a cancer activist due to his step mom's fighting it right now. I also said nice things like "well it'll be helpful to know all of this when you become a parent. A new mother needs a lot of breastfeeding support."
It went well overall. Like I said, I felt like a cad being obtuse about the gifts, but really, I was very polite about it all. Later in the evening he walked up to hand me something, and part of my breast was exposed as I was feeding Dash, and he was like "whoa -- sorry!" tried to cover his eyes, as if HE were rude. I said "NO NO! It's fine, I am just feeding the baby! These things are typically only used for nourishment at this point.
If it doesn't make you uncomfy, hang out, I'm fine, and so is the baby -- he's happily nursing the way he always does!" (Now mind you I am sitting on my own couch, so I feel just fine nursing in my own home.) So he settled quite a bit and said "Cool cool" and conversation went on as usual with no weirdness.
I just wonder how you all handle it? And the varying degrees of gift giving when it comes to artificial feeding. I know some women who actually receive formula, and of course older relatives who don't understand why the heck you won't formula feed, nor be pleased about the bottle set they have presented.
Do you inform, educate, or just take the gift without a word. Does it depend on the gift giver?
As far as what to do with the bottles? A local shelter perhaps?
So my DH's best friend from high school came over this weekend, first time since having our youngest in December. He came bearing baby gifts. THREE BOTTLES.
Now to be FAIR, some facts:
1) He's single, never been married, no kids. Breastfeeding is the last thing on his mind.
2) As with most of our peer/age group (70's kids) a bottle symbolizes feeding a baby.
3) He's metro Los Angeles, so he's not hanging out often in places with kids/babies, most of his friends are not parents.
4) He's a HUGE Lakers fan, and of course, all THREE bottles are of Lakers design, meaning they are all plastic with Los Angeles Lakers designs on them. One says it's for older babies, or a trainer-cup (mind you it's the only one with an Advent style nipple).
5) He would have no reason to know or care about hard plastic leeching chemicals. So even if I could use the bottles with PBM -- I wouldn't use those.
In other words he wasn't there trying to undermine the breastfeeding relationship nor was he shocked that I breastfeed. BUT when I said "Thanks man, but you know, we breastfeed, so we really can't use these." And before I can say the rest: "If you want to give them to someone who does bottle feed I won't be offended...." he interrupts to say "well keep them for later."
Me: "Uhm sorry, what do you mean LATER?"
Him: "Well in a month or two..."
Me: "A MONTH or TWO? No really, he won't be needing a bottle, I won't stop breastfeeding until he's already drinking from cups. Holding his own cups at that. BUT IF you know someone who bottle feeds maybe they could use them?"
OK so here's the point, yes I know it was rude to denounce a gift. I feel bad about that. I did want to do a little educating on the subject, and it did turn into quite a nice little give and take on breastfeeding -- including him telling me he's dating a girl who was breastfed until she was four. He thought it was weird, but changed his mind when he heard about the health benefits, especially the cancer part. He's now becoming a cancer activist due to his step mom's fighting it right now. I also said nice things like "well it'll be helpful to know all of this when you become a parent. A new mother needs a lot of breastfeeding support."
It went well overall. Like I said, I felt like a cad being obtuse about the gifts, but really, I was very polite about it all. Later in the evening he walked up to hand me something, and part of my breast was exposed as I was feeding Dash, and he was like "whoa -- sorry!" tried to cover his eyes, as if HE were rude. I said "NO NO! It's fine, I am just feeding the baby! These things are typically only used for nourishment at this point.
If it doesn't make you uncomfy, hang out, I'm fine, and so is the baby -- he's happily nursing the way he always does!" (Now mind you I am sitting on my own couch, so I feel just fine nursing in my own home.) So he settled quite a bit and said "Cool cool" and conversation went on as usual with no weirdness.I just wonder how you all handle it? And the varying degrees of gift giving when it comes to artificial feeding. I know some women who actually receive formula, and of course older relatives who don't understand why the heck you won't formula feed, nor be pleased about the bottle set they have presented.
Do you inform, educate, or just take the gift without a word. Does it depend on the gift giver?
As far as what to do with the bottles? A local shelter perhaps?
