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reduction??? - Page 3

post #41 of 46
I'd like join in with a giant to all women having to undergo these decisions. And to those who are here to support them, no matter what happens.
post #42 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdahlgrd View Post
I miscarried a triplet at 14 weeks when we discovered twins. I wouldn't have reduced, but I am sooooo glad that I was never pushed to make that decision in the first place. In fact, the thought hadn't even entered my head until I started reading this thread! Wow, that is really tweaking my brain!
What's sad is - if I recall correctly you had a spontaneous multiple conception? - you wouldn't have even been pressured to. They really don't push this on women who concieve naturally the way they do on those of us who use treatments. It's sad because we are already so vulnerable after all the time and heartache and loss and money spent trying... then to be told things like risk, risk, risk... marriages break up! disability! death! how can you care for your older child? ... it's just a hideous example of kicking someone when they're down. It's destroyed my trust in medicine... but I don't know, maybe it's not all bad. I've always been too agreeable, too willing to go with the flow, too complacent... this has given me a good dose of "cynical b***h" which is probably long overdue.
post #43 of 46
I am sending my love and hugs to all those who end up having to make such a decision.

Infertility is so hard and for this to be an outcome of fertility treaments is heartbreaking.

I am thankful and blessed to have a healthy pregnancy and realize the outcome could have been very different.

All three pregnancy's were conceived with IVM/ICSI with two embroy's transferred.
post #44 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunnerDuck View Post
They really don't push this on women who concieve naturally the way they do on those of us who use treatments. It's sad because we are already so vulnerable after all the time and heartache and loss and money spent trying... then to be told things like risk, risk, risk...
I agree. Unfortunately I didn't know or even think about this while making my decision. I've also lost trust in doctors but unfortunately need them for my children’s' current medical issues. I've even questioned, like you, how much of the pressure is to preserve their fertility clinic statistics.

When I questioned the doctors saying I read about wonderful triplet stories on the triplet connection site, I was actually told, by a doctor..."Yeah but all the moms who lost their babies or have three severely ill/disabled children are not online. Stay off that site; it's not realistic." I was told horror stories but I realize I was told no positive stories. At that time I never knew of any triplets personally but I seem to see or hear about them everywhere now.

When typing all of this it sounds as if I didn’t/couldn’t think for myself. It is hard to explain how I could want something but then cave in after being told, repeatedly, I am not thinking correctly/clearly/realistically/etc.

Marlee,
Mine were also IVF/ICSI but always using frozen embryos. Until that last transfer, we only transferred two each time. (We purposely chose our RE because he only transfers two.) The decision to transfer more on the last transfer is my biggest regret and the one thing I hope my story will prevent others from doing in the future.
post #45 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsam View Post
When I questioned the doctors saying I read about wonderful triplet stories on the triplet connection site, I was actually told, by a doctor..."Yeah but all the moms who lost their babies or have three severely ill/disabled children are not online. Stay off that site; it's not realistic." I was told horror stories but I realize I was told no positive stories.
For every positive I was given a negative. The last peri I consulted with - who would have followed me had I kept all 3 - I went in to her office hoping at last to hear "most triplets turn out OK." I told her of a friend of mine who worked in the NICU and told me most triplets do fine and are only in to feed and grow. The doctor said "Yes, but the NICU nurses don't see what happens the rest of the pregnancy." I asked the doctor if she knew of any triplet moms who successfully nursed - and she said "Only one and that's all she has time for - so it's a good thing she doesn't have any other children."

It's like if I tried to see anything good, find any hope to hold on to, they were like, "Oh, no, don't look at THAT, you didn't see THAT!"

It's a bizarre situation. It's so easy for anyone who is not in the thick of it to say "I would have fought for my babies." It's easy for ME to say that now - but I couldn't say it then. I was scared out of my mind and felt like everyone - the doctors, the nurses, my husband - they all felt this was best, I had to go along. The doctors made me really feel like, OK, IF you refuse, you're taking this huge risk, you're going against the grain - I seriously wondered how good the care I'd get would be if I made this "crazy" choice to keep all three. Maybe they'd be neglectful to punish me - maybe they'd hope I'd lose them - I don't know. It was nuts. I wanted someone to come out and say it was OK to keep all 3 - not "it's a hard choice," not "there's no right or wrong," but "It's OK to keep them all! Usually triplet pregnancies go well!"

Even when I had the actual reduction - I cried and screamed for 2 hours before I finally lay back on the table for what should have been a 10 minute procedure - the doctor said she wasn't sure she was comfortable doing it and maybe I should reschedule and think about it - she never said "It's OK to keep all 3." She said "It's not the end of the world if you keep all 3." And what does "It's not the end of the world" mean? it means "This kind of sucks but I guess there's worse things that could happen." I will never stop wondering about that - why couldn't she have said IT'S OK instead?

But every now and then I have to wonder... was my "intuition" that this pregnancy would fail correct? Was it really all fear and coercion - or was there some true mother's intuition going on there?

eta what's really, really wrong is in early december, during my first hardcore breakdown over this, I emailed the peri who did the reduction and told her - I can't blame you, I should/could have walked out, but if anyone is ever on your table and that upset again, you should NOT do the procedure - you should not say "maybe you should reschedule" - you should refuse. You would have been right to refuse. She called me and said she as so, so sorry - and I said to her tell me flat out, do most triplet pregnancies go well? and she said "Yes." I said, "That's what I needed to hear at the consult. I was scared out of my mind and nothing was making sense to me." She said she will remember me in the future - hopefully it will do someone some good.
post #46 of 46
RunnerDuck. I received that same kind of pressure from my RE.
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