Originally Posted by dbsam
When I questioned the doctors saying I read about wonderful triplet stories on the triplet connection site, I was actually told, by a doctor..."Yeah but all the moms who lost their babies or have three severely ill/disabled children are not online. Stay off that site; it's not realistic." I was told horror stories but I realize I was told no positive stories.
For every positive I was given a negative. The last peri I consulted with - who would have followed me had I kept all 3 - I went in to her office hoping at last to hear "most triplets turn out OK." I told her of a friend of mine who worked in the NICU and told me most triplets do fine and are only in to feed and grow. The doctor said "Yes, but the NICU nurses don't see what happens the rest of the pregnancy." I asked the doctor if she knew of any triplet moms who successfully nursed - and she said "Only one and that's all she has time for - so it's a good thing she doesn't have any other children."
It's like if I tried to see anything good, find any hope to hold on to, they were like, "Oh, no, don't look at THAT, you didn't see THAT!"
It's a bizarre situation. It's so easy for anyone who is not in the thick of it to say "I would have fought for my babies." It's easy for ME to say that now - but I couldn't say it then. I was scared out of my mind and felt like everyone - the doctors, the nurses, my husband - they all felt this was best, I had to go along. The doctors made me really feel like, OK, IF you refuse, you're taking this huge risk, you're going against the grain - I seriously wondered how good the care I'd get would be if I made this "crazy" choice to keep all three. Maybe they'd be neglectful to punish me - maybe they'd hope I'd lose them - I don't know. It was nuts. I wanted someone to come out and say it was OK to keep all 3 - not "it's a hard choice," not "there's no right or wrong," but "It's OK to keep them all! Usually triplet pregnancies go well!"
Even when I had the actual reduction - I cried and screamed for 2 hours before I finally lay back on the table for what should have been a 10 minute procedure - the doctor said she wasn't sure she was comfortable doing it and maybe I should reschedule and think about it - she never said "It's OK to keep all 3." She said "It's not the end of the world if you keep all 3." And what does "It's not the end of the world" mean? it means "This kind of sucks but I guess there's worse things that could happen." I will never stop wondering about that - why couldn't she have said IT'S OK instead?
But every now and then I have to wonder... was my "intuition" that this pregnancy would fail correct? Was it really all fear and coercion - or was there some true mother's intuition going on there?
eta what's really, really wrong is in early december, during my first hardcore breakdown over this, I emailed the peri who did the reduction and told her - I can't blame you, I should/could have walked out, but if anyone is ever on your table and that upset again, you should NOT do the procedure - you should not say "maybe you should reschedule" - you should refuse. You would have been right to refuse. She called me and said she as so, so sorry - and I said to her tell me flat out, do most triplet pregnancies go well? and she said "Yes." I said, "That's what I needed to hear at the consult. I was scared out of my mind and nothing was making sense to me." She said she will remember me in the future - hopefully it will do someone some good.