Hi,
I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Here's what has happened during the last 6 months.
My dd started preschool back in Sept--the first to "leave" the nest. It was tough for me and even tougher at 8 mos pregnant with ds2, who was born on 10/1. It was a beautiful and amazing birth at a birthing center. I was actually giddy on my way home and for the next 10 days...until I got mastitus. I was so horribly sick I thought I would die. Then, dd came home with a virus. Then ds1 got it. Then dh. Then me. Then grandma who was visiting to help out. My kids fevers RAGED for 2 weeks each, not to mention mine. I wasn't over the mastites when I got sick.
At the end of Oct, my husband got his dream job, chance of a lifetime opportunity in MN. We were living in CT. So off he went. I was alone with 3 kids under 3 1/2 except for about 36 hours on the weekends for November, December and most of January. My dd got an ear infection over Thanksgiving when my crazy mil and fil decided to come to our house for THANKSGIVING!!. Nothing like having a newborn, husband away, and sick kids while having Thanksgiving at your house. My ds1 is 2 and had tantrums throughout the meal to which my ils said that we should consider spanking and looked at us wide-eyed. Then put pressure on us to go visit them 10 hours away in WV. My inlaws couldn't understand why we weren't planning on traveling.
DS1 has had a difficult time with the birth of his brother. Lots of regression behavior. Tons of tantrums. He is a spirited child to begin with so this has really been bad. By himself, he is a full-time job.
At Christmas we were all VERY sick again with RAGING fevers. DD had ear infection #2, which we gave her antibiotics for. She had an allergic reaction to the drugs and ended up in the hospital overnight. This time, even the baby was sick. Luckily, my inlaws sent my kids a book on good manners for xmas.
Our cat was diagnosed with kidney failure.
My dh's aunt died.
In mid-January, the movers came and packed up all of our belongings and put them into storage and we moved to Minneapolis into a temporary apartment. Since we have been in this apartment (since 1/18), my husband has traveled 100% of the time. I am here by myself. I don't know anyone and it is FREEZING.
DS1 who was having a hard time anyway, is now impossible. He wakes at night crying out for his daddy. He wakes up screaming about how he wants to go home. We held my dds birthday party early so she could see her friends one last time. She misses them terribly and often cries when she thinks of them. The move has not been easy for her either. My heart is breaking for them.
What I haven't mentioned, is that the relocation company hired to make our move go smoothly has been a nightmare. ALL of MY clothes were mistakenly put into long term storage. I had to wait two weeks to get anything to wear. And, all of the belongsthat were delivered to the apartment REEKED of cigarette smoke. I had to wash all of my kids clothes, stuffed animals, blankets, towels, sheets, practically everything we own. Our crib mattresses and some other baby items were so bad they needed to be replaced.
The company also made several accounting errors, including taking taxes out twice resulting in a paycheck of $0 for Feb and misreporting income on our w2. They are supposed to reimburs us $3600 for travel expenses here and we have been waiting on that money for 8 weeks. So cash flow has been tight to say the least.
Our house in CT is not selling. And, it is BEAUTIFUL. We lowered the price 2 times already. What's more, our bone dry basement (where we kept carpeting) got water in it right before the OPEN HOUSE! We had a freakish rain storm two nights in a row...I'm not sure what happened. So, we cannot buy a house in Mlps until we know if we are going to lose money on our house in CT. And, we have found a house here.
Two weeks ago, my cousins wife delivered their first baby. A girl. With downs syndrome. A complete surprise for everyone (they had all the tests) and are only 27.
I am shopping for a house, a pediatrician and a preschool for my daughter. All these decisions I have to make by myself. I feel like a single parent.
Did I mention, I have a newborn? A two year old? And a four year old? And, my husband has been traveling 100% of the time? And I'm alone here in a strange city?
I am in basic survival mode. I am exhausted. I'm lonely and I feel like I cannot handle this one day more. I have no patience for my kids. I don't want to play with them. I just want to eat and sleep. My kids are watching way too much TV.
I get so angry at them. I yell. I'm mean. I feel like I want to hit them sometimes. I feel like I go into this crazy rage and I have to leave the room--often. I don't think I'd ever hurt them physically, but I feel that I am hurting them emotionally/psychologically. One hour I'm coloring with them, the next I'm screaming at them for not coming to the lunch table when I call them. I say mean things and threaten to throw away there toys or refuse to read books at bedtime. I feel like they are living in a state of confusion anyway with the moving here. And, they are counting on me to give them some stability. And here I am Cybil. I feel like I'm over the top.
Todaymy dd, who knows better, told me "Get my milk, right now!" and I just lost it. I screamed at her. My son. The baby was crying. I yelled at her and told her to go to her room. When she refused and continued to scream/cry, I threw away one of her toys, grabbed her by the arm and literally pulled her into her room. All three kids were hysterical.
Then, my ds1 refused to go to the potty even though he was doing the dance. I yelled, told him he was a baby and threatened to make him wear diapers again. All the while, dragging him screaming/crying to the changing table.
I am the worst parent on the planet. I am not the mom I used to be. I am so far from the mom I want to be. I miss my husband.
And, dh is working like a dog. Night/day. He's traveling and trying to learn a new job. I feel like I'm letting him down too.
I'm pretty sure I need help. I don't even know where to start. I cannot think clearly through this. I am having a hard time making decisions. I took Zoloft for maternal depression when pregnant with DS1. I HATE the idea of taking medication again. I take B vit and fish oil. I have enrolled the kids in some activities to get us out. There is also a gym in my building with great childcare and we try to go everyday. It's not helping. I'm overeating all the wrong foods. Setting a terrible example for my kids.
I don't have a doctor here I can trust. I saw a midwife for the births of my babies back in CT--now that I am not pregnant, I don't know who to see here.
Am I depressed? Am I just having a bad day? Or am I doing the best that can be expected given these circumstances? Or have the circumstances been a trigger for ppd?
I love these three kids more than anything in the world. I know they are having a tough time without daddy and leaving the only home they've ever had. And, I so want to rise to the occasion and help them acclimate to their new environment. But I'm blowing it.
Please let me know your thoughts. Any help you can afford is much appreciated.
I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Here's what has happened during the last 6 months.
My dd started preschool back in Sept--the first to "leave" the nest. It was tough for me and even tougher at 8 mos pregnant with ds2, who was born on 10/1. It was a beautiful and amazing birth at a birthing center. I was actually giddy on my way home and for the next 10 days...until I got mastitus. I was so horribly sick I thought I would die. Then, dd came home with a virus. Then ds1 got it. Then dh. Then me. Then grandma who was visiting to help out. My kids fevers RAGED for 2 weeks each, not to mention mine. I wasn't over the mastites when I got sick.
At the end of Oct, my husband got his dream job, chance of a lifetime opportunity in MN. We were living in CT. So off he went. I was alone with 3 kids under 3 1/2 except for about 36 hours on the weekends for November, December and most of January. My dd got an ear infection over Thanksgiving when my crazy mil and fil decided to come to our house for THANKSGIVING!!. Nothing like having a newborn, husband away, and sick kids while having Thanksgiving at your house. My ds1 is 2 and had tantrums throughout the meal to which my ils said that we should consider spanking and looked at us wide-eyed. Then put pressure on us to go visit them 10 hours away in WV. My inlaws couldn't understand why we weren't planning on traveling.
DS1 has had a difficult time with the birth of his brother. Lots of regression behavior. Tons of tantrums. He is a spirited child to begin with so this has really been bad. By himself, he is a full-time job.
At Christmas we were all VERY sick again with RAGING fevers. DD had ear infection #2, which we gave her antibiotics for. She had an allergic reaction to the drugs and ended up in the hospital overnight. This time, even the baby was sick. Luckily, my inlaws sent my kids a book on good manners for xmas.
Our cat was diagnosed with kidney failure.
My dh's aunt died.
In mid-January, the movers came and packed up all of our belongings and put them into storage and we moved to Minneapolis into a temporary apartment. Since we have been in this apartment (since 1/18), my husband has traveled 100% of the time. I am here by myself. I don't know anyone and it is FREEZING.
DS1 who was having a hard time anyway, is now impossible. He wakes at night crying out for his daddy. He wakes up screaming about how he wants to go home. We held my dds birthday party early so she could see her friends one last time. She misses them terribly and often cries when she thinks of them. The move has not been easy for her either. My heart is breaking for them.
What I haven't mentioned, is that the relocation company hired to make our move go smoothly has been a nightmare. ALL of MY clothes were mistakenly put into long term storage. I had to wait two weeks to get anything to wear. And, all of the belongsthat were delivered to the apartment REEKED of cigarette smoke. I had to wash all of my kids clothes, stuffed animals, blankets, towels, sheets, practically everything we own. Our crib mattresses and some other baby items were so bad they needed to be replaced.
The company also made several accounting errors, including taking taxes out twice resulting in a paycheck of $0 for Feb and misreporting income on our w2. They are supposed to reimburs us $3600 for travel expenses here and we have been waiting on that money for 8 weeks. So cash flow has been tight to say the least.
Our house in CT is not selling. And, it is BEAUTIFUL. We lowered the price 2 times already. What's more, our bone dry basement (where we kept carpeting) got water in it right before the OPEN HOUSE! We had a freakish rain storm two nights in a row...I'm not sure what happened. So, we cannot buy a house in Mlps until we know if we are going to lose money on our house in CT. And, we have found a house here.
Two weeks ago, my cousins wife delivered their first baby. A girl. With downs syndrome. A complete surprise for everyone (they had all the tests) and are only 27.
I am shopping for a house, a pediatrician and a preschool for my daughter. All these decisions I have to make by myself. I feel like a single parent.
Did I mention, I have a newborn? A two year old? And a four year old? And, my husband has been traveling 100% of the time? And I'm alone here in a strange city?
I am in basic survival mode. I am exhausted. I'm lonely and I feel like I cannot handle this one day more. I have no patience for my kids. I don't want to play with them. I just want to eat and sleep. My kids are watching way too much TV.
I get so angry at them. I yell. I'm mean. I feel like I want to hit them sometimes. I feel like I go into this crazy rage and I have to leave the room--often. I don't think I'd ever hurt them physically, but I feel that I am hurting them emotionally/psychologically. One hour I'm coloring with them, the next I'm screaming at them for not coming to the lunch table when I call them. I say mean things and threaten to throw away there toys or refuse to read books at bedtime. I feel like they are living in a state of confusion anyway with the moving here. And, they are counting on me to give them some stability. And here I am Cybil. I feel like I'm over the top.
Todaymy dd, who knows better, told me "Get my milk, right now!" and I just lost it. I screamed at her. My son. The baby was crying. I yelled at her and told her to go to her room. When she refused and continued to scream/cry, I threw away one of her toys, grabbed her by the arm and literally pulled her into her room. All three kids were hysterical.
Then, my ds1 refused to go to the potty even though he was doing the dance. I yelled, told him he was a baby and threatened to make him wear diapers again. All the while, dragging him screaming/crying to the changing table.
I am the worst parent on the planet. I am not the mom I used to be. I am so far from the mom I want to be. I miss my husband.
And, dh is working like a dog. Night/day. He's traveling and trying to learn a new job. I feel like I'm letting him down too.
I'm pretty sure I need help. I don't even know where to start. I cannot think clearly through this. I am having a hard time making decisions. I took Zoloft for maternal depression when pregnant with DS1. I HATE the idea of taking medication again. I take B vit and fish oil. I have enrolled the kids in some activities to get us out. There is also a gym in my building with great childcare and we try to go everyday. It's not helping. I'm overeating all the wrong foods. Setting a terrible example for my kids.
I don't have a doctor here I can trust. I saw a midwife for the births of my babies back in CT--now that I am not pregnant, I don't know who to see here.
Am I depressed? Am I just having a bad day? Or am I doing the best that can be expected given these circumstances? Or have the circumstances been a trigger for ppd?
I love these three kids more than anything in the world. I know they are having a tough time without daddy and leaving the only home they've ever had. And, I so want to rise to the occasion and help them acclimate to their new environment. But I'm blowing it.
Please let me know your thoughts. Any help you can afford is much appreciated.
:
), then it's worth it, because I don't have the opportunity to scream at my kids and upset them and let myself down. Do you have a little mad money for things like a treat from the coffee shop or lunch at the deli? I would consider it money well spent, in the long run. And give yourself a break on the TV. No studies have shown that children who watched too much TV for 6 (or 8! or 12!) months turned out to be serial killers who got bad grades. When I was pregnant with DS, and I was throwing up every day, we watched TONS of TV.
: You really need to find some kind of support group. Whether it's through a church or a local natural mamas group or something. With your DH gone, you really need a sympathetic adult ear to just listen to your problems.
