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Legal Responsiblity? - DD's Friends have sex in my house - Page 8

post #141 of 147
As long as the parents aren't abusive, they have a right to know. It's not your right to decide that losing priviledges is too harsh a consequence.
post #142 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by janellesmommy View Post
As long as the parents aren't abusive, they have a right to know. It's not your right to decide that losing priviledges is too harsh a consequence.
I've been lurking a bit... right to know what? If kids were having sex in my house I would tell them to stop, and if they did not I would probably tell the other parents.

But I don't think parents have a right to know kids are having sex period... do you? My thing would be I don't want to be providing a place for kids to have sex without the other parents' consent. But if they find their own place, I think it is none of the parents' business unless the kids choose to make it their business.
post #143 of 147
I would stop it from happening in my house. I would call the parents, and tell them my dd is not allowed to have friends (or male friends, whatever rule you choose) over when I am not home. I may say that their child was there with the Johnson boy and you don't like kids of the opposite sex there while unsupervised. I would NOT say they were having sex. Who knows if the kids will get beat, severely punished, etc. But saying there was a boy their would plant the seed that sex was possible. It may lead the parent to talk to their kid about sex or simply keep them away from your house while unsupervised. I feel you would have done your responsibility. The other parents wouldn't be in the dark, but the teens privacy would be kept.

I would tell my dd that Mr. Jones and Mrs. Smith (neighbors) are keeping an eye on the house and will let me know if they see anyone going in or out. My dad did that, and it kept me from getting into trouble. I have no idea if he did have the neighbors watching or not. It may be a good idea to actually have someone keeping an eye out for who enters your home. And naturally, now is the time to have some open communication about sex. (with whatever your beliefs of teen sex are) Your dd may also be having sex, or may soon be interested.
post #144 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
Seriously? The high school kids I know are working night and day to get into good colleges. You don't think they understand that what they do affects their futures?
not their far distant future, not a true understanding, NO
post #145 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
not their far distant future, not a true understanding, NO
And being 18+ suddenly changes that? I don't know many adults who can accurately foresee the effects a choice made today will have on their far distant future. Being an adult does not make you all knowing.

Perhaps if we stop treating teenagers like idiots who can't see past their nose, they'll take more responsibility for their actions when they do become adults.
post #146 of 147
I have to wonder what a "strict" parent is to the typical MDCer. I have a feeling my view point on it will be different. Strict or not, I'd want to know so I could make sure my kid was using protection and had someone to go to if needed.

I'd be furious if I found out you only went half way, stopped what was going on, but failed to tell me.
post #147 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by janellesmommy View Post
As long as the parents aren't abusive, they have a right to know. It's not your right to decide that losing priviledges is too harsh a consequence.
You have no way of knowing how other people talk to their kids. My father once called me a trashy whore for coming in late (I hadn't had sex at that point in my life). You have no idea what you could be setting those kids up for. I doubt that any one who knew my family when I was growing up had any idea what complete hell I was living in.

Yeah, I got that black eye playing baseball.

If parents haven't built an open, honest, accepting relationship with their teens, they don't have a right to know anything.


Remember, the parents are the ones who drove the relationship in the first place. What the teens believe about their parents is based on what the parents have said and done their entire lives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
not their far distant future, not a true understanding, NO
The point of getting into a good college is to have the best options after college, so a 16 year old trying to get into college is planning 6+ years ahead. The seem to understand that it will effect the rest of their lives.

Many adults seem to lack the understanding of how their sexual decisions will affect their futures. I'm in my 40's and can't believe the number of couples we know who've either divorced because of an affair, or tried to rebuild their marriages after an affair. Often humans make decision about sex without thinking it the whole way through because sometimes when our sex drive kicks in it is hard to think straight.

Open, honest communication would seem to be the key to helping our kids make the best choices possible, but their doesn't seem to me to be an age when the sex drive calms down so much that all of us are fully capable of thinking straight when it kicks in.
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